Like A Hummingbird In Silence
by butimbroken
Summary: Buffy/Angel. AU. A horrifying car accident brings a divorced couple back into one another's lives. Mature Themes.
1. Chapter 1

As he easily climbed out of the car, Angel buttoned his suit back up and tried to straighten himself up a little. It wasn't so much of being worried about making himself look more presentable, but more of him trying to do a mundane task to try and settle his nerves a little before he would head into the large, looming hospital. His brown eyes squinted some against the sunlight as he glanced around the large parking lot before he closed them, took a deep breath, and shook his hands a few good times at his sides before closing the door to his vehicle and began to make his way toward the closest entrance he could spot.

He had been in a meeting when his secretary had poked her head in the room, trying to get his attention. He'd raised an eyebrow at her but casually made his way across the room to where she was. Harmony had given him an uneasy look then whispered about the hospital being on the other line. Angel had told her to tell them to call back later, not paying much attention as he was more focused on business and just getting her back out of the room. "They, um, said it was about your wife?" came out as a question next and he had to force himself not to wince.

'I don't have a wife. Not anymore,' were the words his mind automatically brought up but he kept them otherwise quiet and his emotions under wraps as he stood near the doorway. Angel then told the young blonde once more that she should tell them he would return their phone call and deal with whatever the problem was at a later time, giving no more than that as he sent Harmony back on her way.

It was no more than a minute or two later when the door re-opened and Harmony shot him an anxious, apologetic glance. "Sorry, bossy. It's really important."

This time Angel gave a tight smile to everyone else in the room and apologized for the intrusion before walking back to the blonde. He kept a calm look on his face but his eyes showed his annoyance with girl when he knew she was the only one who could see them.

"Before you blow a gasket at me," she was quick to jump in and say, her voice no more than a whisper, "I did what you asked and tried to just take a message but they are insisting on speaking to you. They said it was an emergency, that your wife has been in a real bad accident and they need to speak with you."

His stomach wanted to give out and his heart certainly skipped a beat or two but he forced himself to keep his composer as he turned to address the room once more. He soon excused himself from the room and told Harmony to send the call to his private line in his office-where he then headed toward. He used the trip there to go back and forth between fretting like a mad man and telling himself to calm down.

When Harmony had first explained about the hospital, and even later when she mentioned it being related to Buffy he hadn't thought much of it. He'd gotten a call before from another hospital after their split which was about nothing more than dealing with the payments so he figured it was probably something similar. At that time he figured that she had probably just not gotten around to removing herself from anything related to him on such things given it had still been new and also the fact that Buffy would avoid going to a hospital at all costs if she could help it so it probably hadn't crossed her mind because of that.

Still, he hadn't thought much of it at first. But now with the way Harmony had worded everything he was starting to have every bad thought a person could possibly have pass through his mind at a mile a minute.

He'd forced himself to take a drink, sit down at his desk and take a deep breath once he reached his office. He spoke in a clear voice after picking up the phone receiver to get to the bottom of whatever was going on. And somehow he had managed to keep that same tone throughout the entire conversation as he answered their questions as well as asked his own, and otherwise sat patiently as they would speak to him. They did not want to go into much detail over the phone-nor did he-but he got the gist of the situation from the phone call.

It wasn't until he hung up that he let his true emotions show, his body physically shaking and his breathing turning ragged.

He'd stayed locked in his office until he re-gained control of his emotions then began to get his affairs in order so he could get out to the hospital as soon as possible. Angel had gotten rather lucky on that end of things. He'd managed to get there just in time for a flight out and got all of his other arrangements made for a rental car, hotel and such worked out with some help from Harmony back at the office.

And now he was here.

Angel easily found his way to the front desk and waited behind two others before he got to the front of the line to ask for directions as to where he needed to go from here. The girl behind the desk tried flirting with him but he was in no mood for that. He did force a fake smile or two her way and managed to thank her for her help before continuing on his way.

"Fuck me," was said under his breath not too long after, having gotten turned around for the second time. His mind was being fuzzy and he was having a hard time concentrating on anything and it was getting quite annoying. Thankfully, it was another five minutes or so before he found where he needed to be.

Angel began to be briefed and updated on the situation with Buffy. He was sat down as he began to hear the story of what had happened first-from what they could gather from the scene and other eye-witness accounts. He clenched his hands together as they described the car crash in which his ex-wife had been involved in, and how lucky she was to have survived such an ordeal. There'd been a massive pile up and she'd gotten some hell thrown her way in the middle of it. Angel listened as they then began to describe what injuries she'd come in with and the steps for treatment which they'd begun. He was walked through some of the possibilities for one injury or another, and they went over the surgery they'd done on her while he was still on his way here. The doctor explained that she was still out from the surgery and there would be a long road ahead of her on some things, but gave a positive outlook which made Angel feel a little relieved.

Angel decided he would keep some information to himself for the time being, not mentioning to the staff that he and Buffy were no longer married, they weren't on speaking terms, and the only reason he was still listed as her emergency contact was more than likely due to not having gotten around to updating such information just yet. He'd thought at first he would tell them once he found out her condition and if she were okay or not, but that faultered away upon his arrival it seemed.

OoOoO

Buffy was having one hell of a day. And that was quite the understatement.

First, she had woken up to a searing pain in her head, although the process of actually waking up was not an easy one. It'd been almost like a buzz at first, but then continued to grow and grow. Her brain and her body didn't seem to want to work on the same team so it'd taken her what felt like forever to actually get her eyes to pry open. Along the way she found it wasn't just a pain in her head but her entire body seemed to just ache.

When her eyes finally did open, she had to blink several times to make the images before her less fuzzy. They made no sense however. Another month of Sunday's seemed to pass before she pulled herself up a little to look around. Her mind registered the images but it took some fishing around her brain for the actual words to form together. That she was in a hospital. Buffy looked around a little the best she could from her position, at the room and then down at herself. She gasped a little at the off-colored skin, the scrapes, bruises and cuts that greeted her. The IV's, bandages and hook ups to machines.

For the life of her, Buffy couldn't recall any reason as to why she would be here or in such a condition.

Deciding to get help minutes later, she fumbled around until she found a call button and waited for someone to arrive.

The nurse who entered the room looked nearly as shocked as she felt. "Mrs. O'Connor," the woman greeted happily. "You're finally awake."

The nurse came over as Buffy blinked and tried to swallow and soon felt the nurse's hands on her checking her stats before raising her bed a little. "A-awake?" Buffy finally managed to get out once sitting up a little better. Her throat felt awfully itchy and dry.

Picking up on that, the woman walked over to bring her a drink of water. Buffy tried to thank her but her head was all muddled so she just attempted a nod before taking her first sip.

And then things really began to get weird.

Buffy learned of the car accident in which she was involved in and what had led her here. She had listened utterly horrified as they described the wreck as well as her injuries and what treatments they had begun as well as planned for her. She didn't remember a lick of it, for this she was actually thankful for though. Hell, she didn't even remember ever having learned to drive. She'd been terrified all through high school.

Her eyes had nearly popped out of her head at the news that she'd been in a coma for over two weeks.

This was hardly the most disconcerting part of the conversation however. No, that came from the realization that it wasn't just the accident that she couldn't remember. There were actually several years of her life that were now missing. Tears stung her eyes as she frantically tried to recall anything... but there was just nothing. The last memories on her mind were of seven years ago and nothing further than that. She was a nineteen year old collage student for all she could remember, not a twenty-five year old who-knew-what!

Everyone tried to be helpful to the scared young woman but it didn't exactly do much as far as she was concerned. The only upside was the hope it would be temporary, as she was told it usual was with her type of injury. It was still frightening despite this, being unable to remember anything at all in the past six years, unsure of why she was even here-so far from the last home she did remember, anything.

"We will run some tests on you soon to get a better understanding of where we are," she barely heard as her brain kept going in and out of focus of her surroundings with all the new information laid in her lap. "Mrs. O'Connor..."

"Wh-Why do you keep calling me th-that?" she interrupted. That thought had crossed her mind a time or two but she finally got her mouth for spit the words out.

And that was about the time she learned Elizabeth Summers was now Elizabeth O'Connor.

She was given several of her personal effects, many including the strange new surname. She picked up her license once handed the small card and saw the black lettering with the name staring back at her.

Buffy was staring at the beautiful ring set she'd also been given some time later, after she'd been left alone to have some time to herself, when a nurse finally came to check in. This young woman was much more chatty than the rest and began to compliment her on the ring which then led to a short discussion of the man who must have given it to her. Buffy couldn't remember a thing about him for the life of her but the nurse was happy to fill her in on what she knew. There was the information of how he was listed as the person to contact should anything happen and how he'd rushed out here, there was his name-Angelus O'Connor, and the nurse was not in the least bit shy about informing the confused girl that this husband of hers sure was a honey and she would not be disappointed with him as far as looks went anyhow.

She learned that this Angelus O'Connor person had been here ever since that call had been made, that he spent most of his days there with her at the hospital, and that he had been contacted about her having come out of the coma so she should probably be expecting him to make an appearance at any time.

OoOoO

Buffy was taken out of her room for a couple of hours to run some scans and do some testing but whenever she was in her room she found herself holding her breath every single time the door opened. Her mind was so muddled as it were but the thought of having a husband she couldn't remember going to show up at any time was a little more than she could bear.

She was anxious about everything really. Everything and everyone she couldn't remember and even some that she could bring to mind, earlier memories seemed to clear for the most part, but everything else was just a big blank space as if it never happened for the majority.

It all hurt her head to think about. The past she could remember, the one she couldn't, the accident, her life... the past, the present, the unsure future... Not wanting to deal with reality anymore, Buffy decided to rest her head down on the pillow and escape it all for awhile.

It didn't feel like she slept for long but a glance at the windows told her it must have been a few hours as the sun was going down. Buffy groaned as she tried to move then stilled when she heard a voice from behind her. "Are you alright?" the voice had asked. A soft, masculine voice at that.

Buffy shifted with another groan. "Yeah, I'm..." she trailed off as she finally got herself to a position where she could find the source of the other voice in the room. Her throat was back to feeling dry, though this time for a much better looking reason. Sitting in one of the chairs along one of the walls was the stranger who could have nearly knocked the breath right out of her. The thought that he was probably the most handsome man she had ever seen in her life-or would ever see in her life-came just as quickly as she practically drooled right there on the hospital bed.

"Elizabeth?"

Both this stranger and her turned their head to the door. "Buffy," both of them corrected. Buffy blinked, her head turning slowly back to the man a few feet away and tried to place him.

"Right, sorry. Buffy," the woman said with a shake of her head. She stepped closer into the room and turned on a light, making Buffy wince. "Buffy," she then said slowly, "Do you recognize this man?" the nurse asked, pointing toward the man in the blue chair.

Buffy was silent at first, staring at him, then she shook her head. "N-no. Sh-should I?"

"That's okay dear," the woman said, reaching her hand out to pat Buffy's. "Like we've said, it'll take time," she said to both Buffy and the other man. She then looked directly at Buffy and said, "Buffy, this is Angelus O'Connor. He's your husband."

Buffy was sure she must have looked pretty comical in that moment and the next several to follow. Her eyes were wide open and her mouth was probably wide open as well as she stared in disbelief. She hardly even heard anything else the nurse said, nor her leaving the room, leaving her alone with her husband.

Buffy swallowed, forcing herself to blink a few good times. The man she was saying her husband looked at her oddly, some part of him trying to seek out if she recognized him she knew but other than that she couldn't seem to read him. His brown eyes were dark and haunting, like they could see into her soul. He had a strong facial structure... beautiful cheek bones, sculpted to jaw line that was covered in light stubble. And on top of that gorgeous head of his was some luscious locks of dark brown hair, spiked in a way it looked both messy and professional. He had a nice tan from what little of his actual skin she could see and he wore the light gray sweatshirt and jeans like they were made just for him. His arms and legs looked long, hard and strong. "Y-you're my hu-husband?" Buffy finally spoke.

Angelus sighed, templed his fingers against one another and looked back at the door out to the hallway. "Ex-husband actually," he answered.

Buffy blinked again. "E-ex-husband?"

He nodded, looking back at her now. "Yes," he said, his voice remaining soft and his tone even. "We divorced last year."

"O-oh," she replied. Not only had she found out today that she'd been married but now also that she'd gotten divorced. One of her hands came up to her forehead and rubbed the building headache there. "Sorry, this is all just very confusing for me."

He nodded, leaning back some in the chair. "I would image so," he stated simply.

"A-are we on g-good terms wi-with one another?" she asked after a few moments passed.

His face gave a tight smile. "No. I wouldn't say that." Then he explained, "I was still listed as your husband and emergency contact, that's why they called me. We haven't spoken to one another in about five months."

"O-oh," was repeated. "Th-they fai-failed to mention the divorced part when y-you were brought up."

Another tight smile. "I may have forgotten to tell them," he told her. At her raised eyebrow he sighed. "I didn't think they would be so forth coming with updating me on how you were doing if I corrected them on that little detail. I was worried about you."

Buffy felt awkward at the last statement and looked down at her own banged-up hands.

"I am sure you are on information overload with everything you've been through and it is all quite a bit to take in," he told her, "I'd like to help in any way that I can, Buffy. I am sure you have a thousand questions and maybe some of them I can provide some insight to. I can also get in touch with some of your old friends-Willow and Xander-if you'd like. She and some of the others were here over the weekend to see you. I am sure they'd be happy to hear you're finally awake."

"T-That would be nice. Thank you."

"It's no bother," he replied. Another pause passed before he asked, "What are some of the last things you do remember?"

Buffy sighed, letting her head fall back a bit against the pillow behind her and began to answer him on the last things her mind could bring up.

His head nodded once more. "That sounds like a little less than a year before you and I met if memory serves me correctly," he told her.

OoOoO

The past two weeks had been an absolute hell as far as Angel had been concerned. He would have easily preferred her green eyes to have opened in a blaze after the surgery, for her to have started cursing him out as he'd expected, as she had been doing every time she saw him for over a year. Even if it nearly ripped him to shreds each and every time, he was used to it. Having her not wake up and just lie there day after day was more than his heart could stand. The silence was deafening, the wonderings of she would ever wake up weighing him down.

He'd spent more time in the past two weeks berating himself as well as her for the wrongs that had destroyed their marriage than he had any other time before. If they'd not tossed it all away, this wouldn't have happened.

He'd nearly had a heart attack when the call came in informing him that she'd finally awoken. As happy as he was at this news, he also felt his heart give way a little all the same because he knew what was in store for him next. And after the two weeks of hell... he wasn't sure if he could handle it.

It wasn't until he actually arrived at the hospital that he was told about her memory loss. He'd nearly laughed at the idea. Fate sure could be one cruel thing it seemed. Right when you think you're getting close to hitting bottom, the dark pit you were seeing gives way to a whole new floor below the previous.

His eyes had searched hers for any signs that she knew who he was when she'd re-awoken and noticed his presence... but there were none. There was no anger or hurt in her eyes when she looked at him, no hateful words being flung his way, no hint of her knowing anything of their life together. He was a virtual stranger as far as she was concerned.

A flood of relief caught him by surprise by this. He could be thankful she was alright and not go to war with her in the same breath.

The last time she'd been herself and the two of them were in each other's presence Buffy had clipped him on the side of the head with a toaster she'd picked up and threw at him. Having no idea who he was was rather a pleasant change on his end of things.


	2. Chapter 2

Angel sighed when Buffy asked him how they met, that scared stutter still present as she spoke. He was sure she had an endless string of questions not only about him but everything and didn't know where to start with asking but took the set up he had put out there without really meaning to. He asked her if she would rather him go ahead and call Willow or someone but her sad eyes as she asked him "Please" struck right to the core. "I fe-feel like I need to know something-anything-about myself and those lost years."

Angel moved his body slightly in the uncomfortable chair before clearing his throat. "I was living in New York working at one of the sales offices for Wolfram And Hart when I was offered a promotion with the company. The new position required a move to LA since it was at their corporate office."

"W-Wolfram and Hart?" Buffy asked, looking like she was trying to place the name. "T-the hotel chain?"

Angel nodded. "Global marketing operations," he explained. "I was still getting settled in when I got roped into going with a few of my associates to speak to some business students at local collages. One of those was UC Sunnydale." Angel paused, looking aimlessly around the room as she stared at him, listening. "Your friend Anya was in the class we came to speak to while you just happened to be in the classroom. You had popped in to see her in between two of your own classes but wound up staying for the entire lecture." He could see Buffy blush in a light pink out of the corner of his eye, reminding him a lot of the very day he was describing to her. "While Miss Jenkins did get a lot of attention drawn to herself with her bold attitude and strange questions-as well as bringing the focus to those around her, you had caught my attention all on your own within the first few minutes," he admitted. "I wound up making a near fool of myself when it came my turn to have the floor, using that to my advantage to flirt uncontrollably with you. You'd been embarrassed at first, no question about that, but soon you were matching me tit-for-tat every step along the way. When the time was finally up you got all shy on me again and made a mad dash toward the door."

"Oh, God," he heard her groan. It almost made him smile.

"It was all in good fun," he said. "And I was going to leave it there. You walked out the door and I started gathering up my things preparing to head back to LA. But as I started walking through those halls again I just couldn't seem to shake you off my mind. I didn't have a name for you as I'd spent the whole time referring to you as "The Pretty Blonde" and the like, you calling me "The Handsome Suit" and other similar nicknames-nor anything to go off of but after being handed about five different flyers to a frat party that would be taking place later that evening I decided to give it a shot. I was there maybe a total of five to eight minutes when luck would be on my side as I spotted you come in. I simply watched you for another ten or fifteen minutes before finally making my way over to you. God bless you, you wasted no time in calling me out on it as the first words to come out of your mouth. You had me hook, line and sinker right then and there. After introducing me to your friends that had come with you to the party you joined me when I asked if you wanted to get out of there. We spent the entire night walking around Sunnydale just talking. About everything. Subjects ranged from our life stories, hobbies to music and current events. The sun was thinking about waking up by the time we finally got you back to your dorm room. I headed back to LA but from that point on I would come back to Sunnydale to see you absolutely any chance that I got."

"We f-fell in love?" Buffy's voice asked, bringing him back to the present as he got swept up in the memories of the past. Her voice sounded small and unsure.

Angel shifted again in the chair. "We did," he confirmed. "Very quickly and very passionately," he added, still keeping his voice in the same neutral tone he'd had since the beginning. "I proposed to you just over two months from when we first met. And we got married another three and a half months after that."

Buffy's green eyes went as wide as they possibly could, her mouth hanging open for a moment. He knew why. Buffy had taken her parent's divorce very hard and had laid out a well thought out plan for if she were to ever say those magical "I do's" with anyone. While there were no fool-proof way to make sure two people would stay together forever, she'd wanted to make sure down to the last drop that she would be making the right choice. And here he came along and she'd thrown out every step she'd been set on and took the leap right along with him.

Not that she remembered that part, or why it'd came to be.

"Th-that s-seems rather... quick?"

"We were in love. Stupidly, head over heels, over the moon in love with one another. We easily decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and agreed upon not wanting to waste the time to get to starting on making that happen. You'd had your reservations about marriage and I sure the hell never intended on settling down once before you came along, but all of that went right out the window. And we made it happen. We planned-and later had-a beautiful wedding. Neither one of us had ever looked happier in our lives, and you'd never looked more beautiful than you did that day because of it," he told her, his voice softening just the slightest. "It was decently sized... the setting was bigger than the guests, but it was perfect. You had your friends from school and such, friends of the family, old and current teachers and some scattered distant relatives. I had a bit more of my family fly in, then co-workers and friends. There was the church, the cake, the decorations, the dancing... the whole shebang."

"Did my father come?" she asked after a moment. "Wa-was he the one to walk me down the isle?"

Angel sighed, shaking his head. "Hank came. He stood in the back and left before the reception. Rupert Giles was the one who walked you down."

Buffy smiled at this. "It sounds like it was beautiful."

Angel cleared his throat. "It was. It was everything we hoped it'd be. And it was the perfect start to our marriage," he told her. "We stayed in Sunnydale so you could continue your classes, moving into your old home that'd pretty much been sitting there empty since after your mother had passed and you'd been going to school. I continued to work for Wolfram and Hart... which wasn't always easy but they worked with me on getting my hours switched so scheduling got better for all ends involved. And we just went about our lives, loving every day and one another I guess they say."

"Did... do we have any... um... children?"

"No," he answered. "That had been something we didn't exactly see eye-to-eye on at first, I was very hesitant at the idea of having children... but I eventually came around. And we both decided that someday we would like to grow our family out more." Angel felt his thumb slide over to touch the wedding ring that remained on his hand, rubbing it gently as an old habit. "Sadly, that someday never came to be for us."

Buffy's eyes slowly lifted to meet his and he swallowed hard at the sight, losing a small piece of the battle to keep all of his emotions under wraps. She looked sad, confused, and very thoughtful in that moment. "I-it sounds like w-we were m-madly in love and perfectly happy," she said, his tone making him swallow another lump that'd formed in his throat. "Wh-what happened?"

OoOoO

Angel had never been happier for an interruption in his life than when the door had opened and a nurse came in to check Buffy's vitals then take her to another floor for some testing. He knew Buffy meant no harm with her line of questioning about their previous relationship... including asking about how it all came crashing down. He knew this had to be tough on her with not remembering any of it and being stuck with no knowledge of the past several years of her own life. And he knew if he was in her position he'd be curious and wanting to know all the same. But he wasn't it easy his own self either. And right now he felt near a panic at the flood of emotions that gripped on tight to him from the conversation the two of them were having, not to mention everything else that had been going on in the past couple of weeks.

Add the fact of living it all on top of that, too.

He'd happily stood after the nurse announced her plans to take Buffy away and wished her luck before excusing himself from the room, saying he would be back to check on her later. He walked to the closest door that would lead him outside and hungrily ate up the fresh air that hit him. He pinched the bridge of his nose when he started feeling queasy and walked toward a bench across the way upon spotting it.

He was thankful the older man who'd been standing there smoking had taken off before he reached the bench, sat down and rested his large hands on his knees.

This had been one hell of a day.

And he knew it was't going to get any easier any time soon. Not while things were like this.

Angel wasn't sure how long he'd sat there but he ached quite a bit when he went to stand, his hand reaching into his pocket to check the time. He decided he's make a few phone calls before going to see about getting something to eat and maybe after that he'd brave coming back to the hospital to finish his and Buffy's conversation about the downfall of their marriage.

OoOoO

By the time Angel returned to the hospital visiting hours had come and gone. He knew this but went inside anyway.

It wasn't long before he was picking up the phone to get in touch with the nurse's station in the area Buffy was. And after a brief talk with the woman on the other end, the door was unlocked for him. Angel made his way down the hallway and then stopped at the desk, a smile on his face. "Thank you," he said sincerely to the older woman he came face-to-face with.

"Mister O'Connor," Olivia started.

"I know, I know," he cut in, holding his hands out after setting the white carry-out boxes he'd brought with him down. "My wife just woke up and I already missed most of the day with her," he said, his voice going straight to the older woman's heart by the look her eyes took on. "I know you can't let me back there to see her, but please just bring her some real food for me. I brought a second one of cakes and donuts and other sweets just for you lovely ladies and gentlemen," he said with a widening smile and a twinkle to his brown eyes.

The woman sighed, reached down and picked up the phone in front of her. She gave him one hell of a look which he smirked at then took a few steps off to the side until she called him back over. "The doctor gave an okay about bringing her the food," she said first, making him give her another smile. "And he said given the circumstances of her situation, he will even allow you to come in tonight. But only for an hour or two Mister O'Connor-or until Buffy gets tired." At this, Angel had to force the smile as he hadn't been expecting them to let him go see her and was hoping he could put off the rest of their conversation until tomorrow. After all, that was the main reason as to why he was late getting back this way. "You'll have to go back out to security and get a tag but then you come back this way, alright?"

Angel thanked her after a second or two had passed. He let Olivia and Lily go ahead and bring Buffy the meal he'd brought in for her while he went to go get his special visitor's pass.

It was only a handful of minutes before he was walking back through those doors, past the nursing station and on his way to Buffy's room.

Her eyes looked up when he entered the room, a hint of a smile gracing her lips. "H-hello again," she said.

He nodded as his way of greeting. "I hope you enjoy the food. I figured you might get hungry and we all know hospital food isn't at the top of anyone's most favorite list."

Buffy nodded her head this time, twirling her fork around to grab her next bite of spaghetti. "Yes, very much so. Thank you."

"There's actually a secondary food area here at the hospital too that's actually not so bad though," he told her. "They have a few restaurant pods set up, a grocery section and deli... along with a few other things."

"That doesn't sound so bad. Might have to get my meals from there when possible while I'm still here," she said, then got a new look in her eyes. "Do you know why I'm here?" she asked. "I mean-not the hospital of course but what I'm doing in Texas?"

"No, not really. According to some of your belongings that were with you, you have an address here now. It's quite a few hours from here and from where you had your wreck however."

"Oh. Okay. I was just wondering."

Angel nodded then crossed the room, returning to the blue chair he'd been resting in the last time he was in this room. "Like I said, you and I haven't spoken in several months so I really haven't known what you've been up to. Before that I will admit I was keeping an eye on you from time to time even after we had split but that wasn't healthy for either one of us it seemed. You'd still been in California the last I knew," he told her. "I did get in touch with your property manager and explained what was going on with you a few days after the accident. She helped out a little with saying where you were working and getting me in touch with someone there but that's about it. I paid off what bills I knew of but I don't know what else might be out there."

"Y-you didn't have to do that."

"I know," he said simply.

"Thank you though."

Angel shrugged, unbuttoning his jacket before resting back against the chair more. "I called Willow and she said she would call Xander, Giles and some of the others. I think she's going to try to fly out tomorrow but if not it'd be the day after at the latest I'm sure."

Buffy smiled. "Yeah, she called here earlier too. We didn't get to talk long but it was nice to hear her voice, to hear a familiar voice, you know?"

"I'm sure that's a comfort given your circumstances."

There was a few minutes passed where both of them remained silent. Angel looked up at the clock while she ate the dish he'd brought her. But finally she prodded into finishing their talk from before.

He couldn't help but let out a heavy sigh. "Things were perfect with us, for a couple of years they were," he started, making sure he kept emotions back out of his voice. "We argued, though not very often. We had differences in opinion, we had our ups and downs as any couple does. But things were good with us. Then it just started going to hell on us. There's not really one issue that caused it, no one instances, or anything like that. We both had our share of blame in it, though I bear more of that weight than you to be honest."

"What happened?" she asked again, softly.

"I got another promotion at the office, I became Senior Manager of my department. There'd been some inside issues with the company and there were a few months that filled like we were in a bubble of tension out there. The hours got longer, the work load taller. It started putting a strain on our marriage. You were recently out of college and looking to start your own career and it was a bad mixture at the time. Our hours never seemed to get on the same page and it felt like we hardly saw each other. Then when we did it was a toss-up to how it would go over. But that was just the tip of the iceberg," he said, casting his eyes down. "An old... friend, acquaintance... something... showed up which was a bigger issue that came between us. Any interaction with her was all about a business deal as far as I was concerned but Darla was causing issues with her own agenda. I did not know this at first but later it became painfully obvious." Angel reached a hand up and rubbed at his tired eyes. He hadn't had a good nights sleep in a coon's age. "You suspected something was off with her long before I saw it coming and didn't care much for me brushing it off. And by the time I got the full extent of everything, it was too late. Darla had gotten you to believe a mountain of lies and there was no part of you that wanted to believe a word I had to say for myself. It didn't seem to matter what I did or what I said, hell any proof that nothing was going on that I could give to you seemed to do any good. You had your mind made up. I can't entirely blame you as the encore performance to it all was a damn good trap and the scene you walked in on that night would have made anyone see red that last time, but it was all some twisted game. After that, it was just a matter of a couple of weeks before it was more or less finished between the two of us. A lot of angry words got said, on both our parts. A lot of tears got shed, a lot of yelling and screaming happened, a lot of begging and refusing. When you told me to leave I did. I was tired of fighting with you. I was tired of being accused of things that I had not done. So I just grabbed enough of my things to fit in a gym bag and walked out the door."

Silently he added how that action was one of the worst mistakes he'd ever made in his life. That while leaving that night wasn't that bad of idea, giving one another some space wasn't a bad idea, him using that night as the turning point to simply give up instead of fighting for her was.

Angel could remember all the times Buffy had brought up the fact that she suspected Darla was up to something and how he would just pass it off, then later when she started to question him about the extent of the relationship with the other blonde he even felt a little amused by the jealous, but soon shit the fan and it wasn't something to just push off to the side anymore. Buffy may not be able to see all of that in her mind's eye right now but he sure could. He could remember a few times the two had crossed paths and Buffy would get angrier with every encounter, making claims of one thing or another and how he would go gripe at Darla afterward and do his best to make it up to his wife for whatever had transpired. Angel could remember being off on a business trip and how it wound up costing him everything when Darla sprung her trap, dragging him and Buffy through the mud in the process.

He still wasn't even quite sure what exactly happened, how it happened, but it had. Somehow Darla had gotten into his room somehow while he'd been in the shower awaiting Buffy's arrival as he'd asked her to join him when the weekend came and she would be off work. The next thing he knew there was a commotion going on his room and there Buffy was, and Darla too. Darla who was not just in his room but with wet hair, wrapped up in a white robe, eating from the platter he'd had room service deliver not too long before.

Shed made some remark, Buffy had yelled at the two of them, and he'd just been dumbfounded at first. Eventually he'd had the sense to go chase after his wife but the damage seemed to be done.

"You stayed in Sunnydale," Angel said, bringing himself back to the present. "I decided to go stay in LA for awhile. We pretty much left each other alone for awhile, then you went ahead and filed for legal separation. I didn't fight you on it, just let it be. I had hoped maybe time apart would maybe help I guess, or would calm things down. But it wasn't long before I caught wind that you had resumed a relationship with one of your ex flames, Riley Finn, who you'd dated briefly when you'd first started college. You made your reasons for doing so-and with him-very clear, using it to hurt me for what you assumed I'd done. The two of us blew up at one another once more, this time far worse than any other before. We both lost our tempers in grand fashion that night, both saying things that we didn't mean-at least I know on my part I didn't and I was just wanting to hurt you, I like to believe it was the same for you... and when Monday rolled around I went and filed for divorce. It was pretty straight-forward. At first we made a scene or two during the proceedings since we were utterly down one another's throats any time we crossed paths, but eventually I grew sick and tired of it and just gave up. I wanted it all done with so I agreed to just about anything you wanted, did my best to keep a cooler head, and ignored the rage fuming from your end. This, of course, only made you angrier in the end but I didn't feel like giving back in to my own turmoil so I just let it all be. Before long our divorce was granted and we were no longer husband and wife. We did our best to continue steering clear of one another after that point as anytime we were in close proximity it always ended the same. You'd get mad, I'd just stand there taking it as still as a stone, this would get you more upset, and by the end of it I was getting slapped in the face or having something heavy thrown at me. So we just went on with our own lives."

OoOoO

Before he left for the night, Buffy had asked several more questions to her ex-husband, getting some details about the events that had happened to make their relationship fall apart and despite not remembering it, she felt a sadness grip onto her from the whole situation. From the way he had described everything it sounded like the two of them had very much been in love and that she'd been happy, and for it to all end over nothing more than a few stupid mistakes made her head and heart hurt.

She knew she'd always felt with her whole heart, and had always been pretty hard-headed so she could see where she might lose her temper like that, but kind of hoped she'd maybe outgrown that in her older years that she couldn't remember.

Other than asking questions about everything, she really didn't know what to say to Angelus-or Angel as he told her she could call him. It was awkward, to say the least.

He was so unreadable that it was a little irritating while she tried putting the pieces of her past together. He'd told her the outline and a few details of their lives together, including how it all ended, yet he'd come all the way out here when he heard she'd been in the accident. And not only that, he'd stayed the entire time, coming to see her every day, checking in on her, keeping up the guise that they were still married to anyone who didn't know better so he would know how she was. He'd gone out of his way to find out where she was living nowadays and pay off her bills, had contacted those closest to her for her, brought her food tonight. He was nice enough to her but he was very standoffish. He could turn the charm on so easily though when someone else would come into the room, always very polite, an easy smile gracing his handsome face. He rarely showed any emotion at all when it was just the two of them, his face utterly void of anything except for those haunting dark eyes of his. He did a good job of masking everything there but at times they'd give everything away. Which was probably why he avoided looking directly at her she deducted. His voice had grown softer a time or two and would have more life to it when he spoke with a nurse or doctor or other orderly but when it was just them he kept his voice nearly what she would describe as business-like. It was strong and smooth, a little clipped. He'd been careful not to touch her, though she wasn't sure if that was just her overreacting, but that is the way it seemed. Careful not to touch her, careful to keep distance between the two of them.

She'd noticed there was a ring on his finger and before he had taken off for the night she'd asked him if he had remarried. He'd told her no. When he'd stood to leave she also noticed that it looked to match the one she had, that she'd obviously had on her when the accident happened.


	3. Chapter 3

Buffy felt genuinely happy when she saw the first flutter of familiar red hair through a sliver of window to her room. She was damn near giddy when the door opened and Willow's smiling-and familiar-face greeted her. "Will," Buffy breathed out, tears welling up in her eyes as she began to feel a little overwhelmed.

Willow nearly matched those tears in her own eyes but smiled bigger at the same time, entering the room and crossing over to where Buffy was sitting up in the bed and putting her arms around her best friend. "I am so happy to see you," Willow told her.

Just then a few more familiar faces appeared in the doorway: Cordelia Chase and Xander Harris, two of her other close friends she'd met when she had first moved to Sunnydale. "I'd tell you that you were looking good, but I wouldn't want to lie," Cordelia said as a way of greeting, looking Buffy up and down once. "It is nice to see you're awake though."

Behind her was Xander, rolling his eyes. "You always know just what to say, Cordelia."

"What? I think we can all see she looks like a trainwreck," Cordelia retorted. "Not that it can't be fixed with some time and some good make-up of course."

Willow shook her head. "Just put the flowers and balloons over there on the window sill and sit down, will you?"

Buffy couldn't help but laugh as they all fell into a cycle of conversation that she knew all too well. This was the first more-or-less normal she'd felt since waking up without a good chunk of her memory intact. There were obvious changes among the group, a little age to all of them with the time passage, different hair styles and small notes she could take like that. But it felt so, so nice to have them here.

""So, how are you feeling?" Willow asked after everyone got a bit more settled.

"Lost. For starters," Buffy answered truthfully. "Physically I feel unnaturally sore most of the time, and being limited to what I can do even in the past day or so has made me rather antsy. Emotionally I feel drained and confused... I have this whole life that I can't even remember any part of it."

"Like Angel?" Xander asked with a sneer.

"Don't start," both Cordelia and Willow told him in unison.

He just huffed out a breath and crossed his arms over his chest.

Buffy gave them each confusing looks, unsure of what was happening but finally nodded. "Yeah, he is certainly one thing throwing me around in a loop," she admitted to them.

Willow reached over and squeezed her hand gently. "Angel said that the last thing you could remember was back in our first year of college," she said, slightly steering the conversation in a different direction.

Buffy nodded and started describing the last few days she could remember to give them all a better idea as to where her memory had cut off.

"Oh, wow. That seems like a lifetime ago," Xander said, not thinking.

"Not to me," Buffy said quietly, earning sympathetic looks from the others. But she smiled brightly next. "So, who wants to start catching me up?"

OoOoO

Buffy and the gang had spent almost the entire day together which had brightened her up immensely. They had stayed in her room very little which she also enjoyed, having wheeled her around the floors, ate in the restaurant area Angel had mentioned the night before, and even got her outside in the sun and fresh air for awhile. It'd been a bit of a task with the few machines still hooked up to her but it'd been worth it as far as she was concerned.

The group had laughed until they cried going over their past... discussing memories from high schools, pranks they'd pulled, memories that would last a lifetime. They'd also helped to fill her in on not only her missing years and what had happened with her, but they had discussed their own lives, new events that had happened with all of them individually or in pairings, as well as other events such as stories in the news, a few big storms that had hit, and things like that.

Cordelia and Xander had been back and forth with their relationship in high school and the two of them had split after graduating she remembered. Cordelia had left Sunnydale behind to make a big name for herself. They had kept in touch, though didn't exactly go out of their way to. She remembered seeing her once after high school ended.

Buffy learned from their day together that Cordelia had eventually gave up on the whole movie star idea and feeling defeat she'd come back to Sunnydale for a short while. She and Xander had rekindled their romance in the months to follow and while they were still snippy as one can be with someone else, they were actually making a run of it these days. When Xander had been offered a job with some distant relatives of his, she had tagged along for the ride. She seemed to have found her calling working as a journalist for the local paper up in their small town in Montana and seemed to really enjoy it. The busty brunette would get animated every time she talked about her career. She and Xander had married in a small ceremony a few years prior and said they were working on starting a family soon.

In Buffy's mind, seeing Xander heartbroken over Cordelia and his split was still pretty fresh in her mind but it was nice to see things worked out for them in the end. He had started dating Anya soon after Cordelia had high-tailed it and while there was potential there, she thought the went about it all wrong and at the completely wrong time for it to really last in the end. Turned out she wasn't so wrong there. When Cordelia returned to the 'Dale she set her sights on the goofy brunette and apparently stopped at nothing to win him back.

Not having been one for school, Xander had decided against going to college and instead joined in array of part-time jobs after high school ended. She could count at least ten different jobs he'd taken on just to pass the time and rake in a little dough in the process. He seemed to have found his calling in home renovation with his great-uncle up there in the mountains. While he didn't beam from one ear to another when talking about his day in and day out process like Cordy had, she could tell his own career choices matched him well. He looked grown up, maybe more than any of them, these days. He looked to be in real great shape, rough, his job wearing on him. But in a good way.

Xander did beam a big, bright smile when they discussed anything about his and Cordelia's relationship, however. And couldn't seem to be any happier over the idea of them wanting to start a family. It made her happy, Xander had always liked kids and would be a great dad. She had no doubt about that at all.

Cordelia had brought a few pictures for her to look at which she had appreciated. It helped her another type of glimpse into those lost years... seeing pictures of them from get-togethers, pictures from the wedding, of their house up there.

As for Willow, there were quite a bit of surprises there as well. Willow had been accepted to several colleges but stayed in Sunnydale in the end. She had several reasons for making that decision but Buffy always thought she'd been better off at a better school. Not that she wasn't absolutely happy to have her sticking around. Willow had been interested in becoming a teacher and it seemed that was one thing that hadn't changed, Willow had continued that goal and was now working with special needs children a little more north but still in California.

She had found a love of travelling, sharing stories of all of her adventures so far. Willow had gone on cruises in her off time, taken a road trip across the U.S., spent her summer's in one country or another. The mousey red head had surely grown into her own.

Buffy learned that she and Oz had split up after he had made a mistake with another girl, how it had wrecked her best friend for a good, long time after that. And Buffy didn't doubt it, remembering how adorable the pair were together. Oz just didn't seem like the type... But Willow had explained he'd been drugged that night, along with several others who had been at that particular party, so it wasn't exactly his fault. But they had both taken it hard all the same and couldn't seem to get past it once other issues began seeping in as well. Oz had left Sunnydale and went on to focus on his music. Willow would later fall in love again with a girl named Tara Maclay.

While the news surprised her, Buffy took to her just as she had the first time she learned about Willow and Tara. Not that she remembered. But she didn't bat an eyelash in being happy for her friend and began to ask all about the girl who'd stolen Willow's heart./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Willow told her Tara had been unable to come this time but she had been up the previous weekend and hoped they could get together soon.

Willow had also brought Buffy some pictures, a few albums in fact. She had skimmed through, everyone pointing at different photos and telling her what was going on in each, but she didn't have a chance to really go through them just yet. Willow had also brought Buffy a few letters she'd been sent from the blonde to see if anything in there might help.

Willow told her she had more items she'd brought along but didn't want to overwhelm her on Day One so she would bring the rest tomorrow when they came back.

She'd begun to get drowsy but had stubbornly pushed it away for as long as she could manage, not wanting to end their day together until she absolutely had to. She knew it wasn't doing her healing any good to refuse rest but at the time she hadn't cared with everything else going on. She was sad when the time did come for everyone to say goodbye for the evening but looked forward to resting and letting all the information sink in.

OoOoO

Having felt overwhelmed enough, Buffy let sleep overtake her not all that long after she'd parted ways with her friends for the evening. It wasn't until morning that she picked up the items Willow had left for her the day before and started going over the letters and photos the redhead and brought along. Buffy saw a lot of familiar faces in the photo album, along with plenty she didn't recognize. She read the names and descriptions to the photos, learning the names and seeing different events that must have taken place in the past six years... along with some older photos of things she did actually recall having taken place.

What struck a cord in her the most was a few photos she stumbled across of her and her ex-husband that were in Willow's photos. She'd sucked her breathe in painfully at the first glimpse of a picture of the two of them together, unable to steal her eyes away from their happy, smiling faces. Buffy's hand had come up, sliding the tips of her fingers over the photo, entranced. You could practically feel how much adoration the two people in this photo had for one another. The look on her face was of entire bliss, as were his. That was a far cry from the cold but polite man she'd "met" the other day. He was relaxed in this photo-in all of them she would later come across, a smile gracing his face that reached all the way to his eyes, his arms seemed to around her in each photo, holding her like his world would slip away if he let go.

Buffy's been so caught up in the photographs that she didn't realize she was crying until a fat tear plunked down on the page and a tiny bit splashed on her finger. She also didn't realize the man helping cause these strong emotions had come into the room at first. When his voice came out, asking her if she were alright-much like he had that first day, she nearly jumped, then hurried to wipe away the wetness from her eyes and face, feeling more ridiculous than ever.

There was her emotional breakdown over a relationship and a man she didn't remember but also the fact that she felt her heart beat a little faster at the sight of him standing there now. She realized that she had missed him a little yesterday, having not seen him once. Which was utterly, completely ridiculous.

"I-Yes. Just a little emotional it seems," she told him, feeling her face blush a little.

"He gave her a tight smile before his eyes looked around the room. She was surprised when they returned to her, knowing how he seemed to hate keeping eye contact with her. "What do you have there?" he asked, nodding toward the pile in her lap.

She blushed a little more. "Oh, um, Willow, Cordy and Xander brought me some photos, letters and stuff yesterday. To try and fill me in on those lost years or maybe see if anything might job my memory."

"Smart idea," he said, leaning back against the sliver of wall behind him as he continued to stand near the doorway. "Is it working?" he asked next.

Buffy shook her head. "No, not really. I-I mean, I've had a mix of emotions looking at a few of them but I don't really know if that's because of remembering something exactly or from just the photo itself or even just feeling flooded with everything that's happened and I can't remember any of it."

Angel nodded at this. "Those memories will return to you, one way or another, Buffy," he said suddenly.

"I-I hope so."

"He put his large hands into his jeans pocket, remaining standing. He looked like he didn't want to be there.

"Would you like to sit down?"

"No, I was only stopping through for a few minutes," he replied. Angel scratched at his chin-which was clean shaven today she noted.

"Oh," she said and knew her voice and face showed her strange disappointment.

Angel's head tilted and she felt her throat tighten at the first sign of real emotion that quickly passed over his face as he looked at her. He nearly seemed spooked at it, visibly shaking himself a second or two later and that stoney look put back in place. Angel cleared his throat and looked down at his feet, which were covered in those expensive-looking sneakers he'd worn the other day when he'd been here. "I should go. Willow and the others should be here soon."

Buffy soon realized the reason Angel was trying to leave before they arrived and why he'd been mysteriously absent yesterday when the trio arrived before he got his foot back out the door. The tension had quickly filled the air when Xander, Cordelia and Willow entered the room and noticed Buffy's ex-husband there. She'd watched them all interactive from the bed. Willow and he exchanged polite hello's while Cordelia simply nodded her head at Angel. Xander was a different story, getting annoyed at the mere sight of the other man and started smarting off at him.

Angel had ignored him-at first, again stating that he was heading off. Xander didn't seem to take anyone's hint to lay off and kept running his mouth. "Just because I've sat back and taken her shit does not mean I'm going to take yours," Angel growled out softly, making his way to the door. The two men stared one another down for several tense moments before Angel slipped back out the door.

"Okay. Anyone want to start explaining?" Buffy asked after he'd left and the room fell silent.

OoOoO

Angel cursed under his breath as he headed back to his vehicle, mad that he'd lost control at Harris, mad that he taken his time in leaving Buffy's room and hadn't got out of there before the others arrived as he had intended. He and Xander Harris had never seen eye-to-eye but somewhere in between their first meeting and his split with Buffy they had learned to tolerate one another. Then when everything went to hell, well, all bets were off on that. Thankfully he'd been able to avoid the carpenter since the first few months of their break-up.

Of all the problems in the world, Xander Harris was not on the top of his list to waste time or effort on.

He and Willow were another story. Or, rather they had become one. She hadn't exactly been Team Angel when the shit had hit the fan but had always tried to keep some sort of peace between everyone. Not that it did all that much good. But something had shifted with Buffy's accident. He'd gotten in contact with her and later when she came out to visit the comatose blonde, the two of them had wound up having a nice, long, honest talk with one another.

Willow had been shocked, though not nearly as much as him by it all. He didn't know how it happened, but they wound up talking for hours, him explaining his side of everything that had happened for the first time and someone actually listening for the first time.

And believing him for the first time, too.

Not that it was going to do much good at this point.

Angel was agitated all the way back the hotel room he'd been shacked up in since his arrival in The Lone State. Yesterday had felt long enough to be a month of Sunday's unable to go see Buffy as to avoid getting into it with her friend. And today wasn't going to all that much better but at least he had seen her for a few minutes. So at least it was something. He figured he could at least get caught up on work that he was ages behind on.

OoOoO

"Buffy had another long but good day with her friends. Cordelia and Xander left before Willow decided to as they had an earlier flight to catch than she did. Buffy hated to see them go but knew they had their own lives back up North to get back to. She was happy to hear everyone promise to call and to come back and visit the next chance they got and hoped it wouldn't be long before that time came along.

She also didn't mind some one-on-one time with her best friend. While she adored the other couple, she had grown a little tired of Xander's attitude anytime Angel was brought up and Cordelia droning on about one thing or another from time to time.

The two girls gossiped back in her room for what felt like ages. And she'd been able to talk about the mess that was her former relationship without Xander's two cents being thrown in.

Buffy sighed. "Do you know what I'm doing in Texas to begin with?" Angel hadn't known so she hoped that maybe Willow did. She was surprised she hadn't thought to ask earlier.

Willow nodded. "I also know why you were leaving," she said. "You know, when the accident happened."


	4. Chapter 4

The day was on its way to a close when Angel finally made a showing of himself the following day. There were only a couple of visiting hours left and she had begun to worry he wasn't going to come in after all. Willow had been by first thing in the morning but was gone before noon, having to go catch her flight back home. While she appreciated the rest she got in without the visitors, and even some of the extra quiet time to herself, it had gotten rather lonely and she'd gotten nervous more than a few times when her brain wouldn't work with her.

"She'd cried when saying goodbye to Willow earlier, knowing she would miss her friend. Of course there were phone calls that could be made and the redhead promised to be back soon and to bring Tara along with her. But it was still depressing.

"Buffy," he greeted upon entering the room. Her head tilted a bit to the side as he came deeper into the room, noticing his hands were full.

"What's all that?" she asked.

He walked over, putting the white carry-out container on her bedside table first.

She could have damn near kissed him for that. She was starving. The tray they'd brought in for breakfast had been pretty good but lunch and dinner had been quite a let down. She made a mental note to fill out her day menu in time for tomorrow to give herself at least some sort of better chance. But there was also the fact of her not redeeming the situation and going down to where all the better food was kept as she didn't want to miss him coming by. Stupid as that might be.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, sliding the tray closer to her to have a look at her new goodies. And she was sure a steak had never looked better.

He shrugged. "If there's anything in particular you want me to get someday just let me know. Like I said, there's a pretty good selection downstairs and there's a countless amount of restaurants around here so it's no trouble."

"Thank you," she repeated, taking a bite of her meal. "I might just take you up on that."

"Please do," he said, then he lifted up his other hand that held a few bags in them. "I got you a few things while I was out," he told her, gently laying the plastic bags on the bed. "Your cellphone got destroyed in the accident so I went ahead and got you a new one, for right now. I went ahead and added a few numbers to it that you might need, including mine. There's a few books by a romance novelist you like, some gossip rags that you like to read and pretend that you don't," he said and her heart skipped a beat when he gave a small, sincere smile. "There's some toiletry items you might need, I know hospitals usually give you slim pickens on that. There's some stuff out in the car I'll go grab for you too," he told her.

The next thing she knew, he was already heading back for the door while she sat a little stunned by everything.

While keeping one hand in her food tray, Buffy reached for the closest bag she could get her other hand to and looked at the items inside. Like he'd promised, Buffy found a couple of magazines, a handful of books and even a crossword pad and new set of pens. She had no idea how long she would be stuck in the hospital but knew she wouldn't be released any day soon so she was ever-so thankful for these.

Next she found the many toiletry items he had brought with him. There were two regular sized bags then two more smaller ones. One of the smaller ones contained a bottle of perfume, the other a few random make-up items. The other bags contained everything from a bottle of shampoo and another of conditioner in a brand she knew she liked, body wash, a body scrub, shower poof on to even a box of tampons. She blushed a little at the idea of this large slab of a man going through a store grabbing all of these items. Let alone just for her.

When he returned those large hands of his were holding several more bags. She was pretty much shell-shocked so said nothing as he set them down over in one of the larger chairs in the room, and a few even having to be sat on the floor in front of it.

Angel cleared his throat as he straightened back up. "There's some clothes and shoes and things like that," he told her, putting his hands in his pockets. Today he was wearing nice dress shoes, black pants and a nice black pull-over. His hair looked a little damp from the light rain going on outside.

Buffy moved her leg, nearly knocking over the last bag that was on the bed with her that she hadn't gotten to yet-the one with the cell phone in it. "Shit," she'd cursed and leaned forward much more quickly than she should have, causing a shooting pain to go through her.

He was there in no time, using those long legs of his to round the bed and grab the small bag before it could fall off and hit the hard ground. "You okay?" he asked next, his hand touching her leg.

Buffy swallowed hard, her pain momentarily forgotten as she focused on the large, very warm hand on her. "Hmm? O-oh, yeah, fine," she mumbled. "Just moved a little too quickly."

As if only realizing he was touching her, his hand jerked back. He nodded then found his way over to his usual chair and took a seat. "How are you feeling today?"

Buffy frowned a little but brushed it off after a few seconds had passed and began to tell him about her lackluster day. Reaching for the phone, she noted that it looked to be pretty snazzy, not just some pre-paid or throwaway kind. Lots of bells and whistles to it, something she'd have to figure out later. But she was thankful beyond words for this items as well.

"You look tired," she found herself saying out loud several minutes later. She had practically devoured the entire meal already and had set all of the items he'd put up on the bed with her away.

"That your way of saying I look like shit?" he responded.

Buffy blanched, feeling her face turn warm. His tone hadn't changed but the words struck her something funny. First, she hadn't meant to say that out loud, she'd just noticed it when looking him over a good few times. He had the other times too but today he looked far worse for wear. Secondly, there was the way he said it. He'd given a hint of a smile earlier and now he was being snippety-without the snip.

Before she could pull her foot out of her mouth, he sighed, moving slightly in the chair. "I've had a long day," he said.

Buffy let that rest for a few more minutes before starting to ask him what he had been doing in all the time he had been here. She knew he lived states away and seemed to have a pretty important job that he was away from as well. She felt bad he was missing work because of her, disrupting everyone's lives in her current situation.

He waved that thought right off though, saying he was able to take care of business from here. There was a larger sales office connected to the hotel chain he had gone to a few times not too far away, though mostly he was working out of his hotel room with his laptop and phone. "We may not get along-at all-but it didn't seem right to just leave you here by yourself," he told her quietly.

OoOoO

"Willow filled me in on what I was doing out here. In Texas I mean," she said, once more her mouth doing something before her brain could catch up. He'd been preparing to leave after they'd discussed a few more random things-mostly a few stories of their past together and other things he knew about her-when she felt a need for him to stay just a little longer.

His eyes met hers. "That's good." Buffy hated the simply way he said that, looked.

She knew he wasn't going to pry so began to fill him in on her own. "She said I had gone to stay with her and Tara for a few weeks after I left Sunnydale. Apparently the two of us had some sort of big blow-out with one another?" she asked and he nodded, looking away again. "Well, I went up there to figure out what I wanted to do next. She said it kind of dawned on me that I needed a new start, a new place, some new faces in order to get past everything with us. So, when I got a job offer out here I jumped at the chance."

'More than willing to get as far from you at the time,' her mind added, remembering more to what Willow had told her than she was going to tell him about.

Angel nodded, repeating his previous statement.

Buffy continued on, telling him what little she knew... about the move, the job she'd taken, and how things had been going as far as the redhead had known in the few months she'd been here. It did sound a little lonely as far as she knew, but that she had been enjoying the new adventure on some accounts.

She bit her lip as he remained silent once she was finished, wishing she could read what went on in his mind sometimes. Buffy chose to keep the rest of what Willow had told her to herself, especially the part leading up to the car wreck. The why she was so far from her new home, why she was just about to cross the state line when all hell broke loose. It wasn't like he nor she could gain anything by telling him right now.

_"I-I think you were going to see him when the crash happened," Willow had told her._

_"Going to see him who? A-Angel?" she had asked in return._

_Willow nodded. "I think so anyway, I'm not entirely sure. But that is the impression I got."_

Willow had gone on to explain that Buffy had gotten what she wanted when she fled the state of California. She hadn't heard anything from Angel since then and she had finally calmed down a bit because of that, instead of always seeing a blur of red. And she had confessed to her best friend not so long ago that she actually missed him. Just a day or so before the accident actually took place she gave off the impression that she was going back to talk to him, starting to feel unsure if she had been mistaken on everything, that she had started to doubt herself in their time apart.

Buffy didn't see much sense in telling him any of that for the time being. Not when it was likely to stir up emotions in both of them-ones that she wouldn't even be able to understand on her end, questions brought up that she couldn't answer, her intentions lost right along with those six years of her life currently off in limbo. It wouldn't be fair to either one of them like this.

OoOoO

Buffy waited until Angel had left to pull herself up out of the bed and go over to the bags of clothes he had brought in. A nurse popped her head in to check her vitals only a few minutes later, whistling at the scene before her and commenting on how lucky she must be to have a husband like that. Buffy nodded at this, thinking she was lucky to have him right now-even if he wasn't her husband anymore.

Buffy wasn't surprised to find quite the array of clothing after seeing the amount of bags he had brought in. She carefully pulled each item out to inspect it finding herself looking at several pairs of jeans, some pajama bottoms, different types of tank tops and other tee-shirts, a belt, packages of socks, a healthy helping of new bras and panties, one zip-up hoodie and one pull-over type one, a robe with matching slippers, and some tennis shoes. There was also another bag of toiletry type items in the mix of all of these where she found some hairspray, different sized clips, hair ties, a new toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant, floss, and a brush and comb set.

After finding a place for everything, she climbed up into the bigger chair in her room for a little while to half-watch a program on the television and to look back over some of the items Angel had given her earlier. Before getting up and climbing into bed, Buffy grabbed her new phone and sent him a quick text message to tell him thanks once more and she was looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow.

OoOoO

Buffy nearly cried the next day when she was able to clean herself up a little. She still hadn't been given an okay to take a shower but the sponge bath was close enough to heaven for her at the moment. She still didn't feel clean and craved to stand under a hot spray but wasn't going to complain. The nurse had even helped her with washing her hair to make sure she got it all.

She still got spooked by the image of herself in the mirror with her banged up face staring back at her, but she knew she could already spot some slight improvements in just the past couple of days so that was a little encouraging. The make-up Angel brought helped, too. She fixed her hair after the shower, got dressed in some of the new clothing he had brought her, then put a dash of the make-up on and finished getting ready. It was all small things, but it put an ease to her emotional and mental states to have some sense of normalcy.

Buffy was over at the nurse's station after having walked around the floor a little when Angel came walking down the hall. She rolled her eyes at herself when she realized she was holding her breath, wondering how he would react. 'He is your ex-husband,' she silently reminded herself. 'And right now he is practically a stranger to you.' But it didn't stop the little skip in her heart when he did a double-take upon seeing her.

"Your wife here got all dolled up today," she heard from her left and blushed.

Angel smiled easily with the audience. "I see that," he answered, looking her over. "Even all bruised up like this, you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he told her in a soft voice. For the first time, Buffy saw those sharp features lose their edge as he said that last statement. He had a look of wonderment and adoration that made her weak in the knees.

But the trance only lasted so long before he seemed to snap back out of it. And it wasn't long before she was questioning herself on if it had even really happened or if her mind was just getting loopier.

OoOoO

Instead of going back to her room, the pair went down to the restaurant and deli area. Buffy had eaten breakfast already but then had begun to crave one of the cookies and cream parfaits they served so she had no complaints there. It was also the first amount of time she had spent with Angel outside of her small hospital room other than back at the nurse's station when he came in.

He'd kept an eye on her as they walked through the halls but seemed to look anywhere else while in the elevator. He kept a close enough distance to grab her if she started to falter on her feet but far enough away to keep a nice enough distance. He held the door open for her when they reached their destination then insisted on her going to pick a table for them to sit at once she'd gathered what she wanted. She'd grumbled about his heavy-handedness on it but was thankful when she did take her seat, feeling a little tired still. It wasn't long before he came over, sliding her items over to her and taking his seat on the other side of the table.

"So, tell me about yourself," she asked after they finished exchanging the rest of their morning pleasantries. She was well aware how ridiculous it was to some extent to ask such a question to him but at the same time she had her reasons. Reasons which were rather justified.

"It might be best if you focus more on answers about yourself," he answered after a tense pause.

"In a way, finding more about you is learning about myself, is it not?" she countered. This made him sigh. "Obviously we shared a life together and you would currently be the expert on that particular part of my life that I've lost. And that says a lot about me. Who I fell in love with, what we shared together." At his subtle glare, she added, "Besides, I can't say I'm not simply just a little curious."

At first, she thought he wasn't go to answer her since his silence ran on and on. But after he grabbed his small bottle of water, took a sip, and placed it back down on the table he began to fill her in some on just who Angelus O'Connor was.

Angel gave brief information about his earlier ancestors, about who they were, things they had done, and how his family wound up leaving Ireland for the United States. He'd lost his grandparent's on his father's side before he was born, his mother's when he was still quite young, though had been close to them. Angel told her that his father had been in the military so he moved around a lot as a child, but he hadn't minded. He had liked the life when he was younger, getting to go new places, meet new people, start over time and again. His mother had been a baker but mostly enjoyed being a homemaker than anything else so kept her hours of work light. Angel had spoke highly of both of them, telling her several details about each of his parents and shared a couple of stories when prompted.

She also learned he'd had a sister, Kathy, who had passed away before the age of ten. She'd been several years younger than him but he obviously cared a great deal for her from the way he spoke.

"Did I know them?"

"My parents?"

Buffy nodded.

"Yes," he answered then began to tell her that they had adored her, having met her just a month after their meeting when he brought her along with him to their anniversary party. Angel described many other times their paths would cross... including the wedding and several other holidays or just special occasions. His father, who had always been a heavy drinker, found his body punishing him for that the past many years but it'd taken his life just two years ago. His mother passed away mere months later.

Angel told her about having left for Boston after high school ended. He'd graduated two years early having been put a few grades ahead back in late elementary school so it'd been a bit of an challenge to start move away and start college when he was younger than most of his peers. But he had enjoyed it, even more than he had his previous education and his parents were both proud of him.

Angel described a few jobs that he had held, be it as an intern or finally becoming an employee and how he had later landed at Wolfram and Hart after getting his first degree. He left Boston for New York when he was hired on and seemed to have really enjoyed his years there. Buffy couldn't remember ever having been but Angel said they had made a few trips out and described some of the activities and events they'd participated in. He'd become an asset to the company, having been promoted a few times already in the NY office before being transferred out of state. He'd continued his education along with working and it seemed to have paid off pretty nicely for him.

She already knew he'd moved to LA for the job and that's how they met but he went on to tell her a little more about the company and his job, then divulging some more information about the two of them, which had her hanging on every word.

"Did you have many relationships before me?" she asked, a bit weary on what his answer might be. She could only remember a handful of guys that she had dated in high school and then Riley at the first of college. She was sure with his looks he had to have women fawning over him. And it made her jealous even now to think about.

One of his hands came up to rub the back of his neck. "I wouldn't exactly say they were relationships," he offered.

"A lot of one night stands?" she prodded, her mind once again not working to stop her from blurting stupid things out. She felt her face flush.

"There were some... flings," he finished after searching for the right word. "I dated casually, and sometimes, yes, less than that. I think the closest thing to a real relationship I had lasted six or seven months. I didn't think I was the type to want to settle down."

"What happened?"

Those brown eyes met hers, something inside of them stealing her breath away. "You came along."


	5. Chapter 5

Both Buffy and Angel were surprised by the guest visitor that stopped in the next day. The door had opened gaining each of their attention and there stood a nicely built dark-haired stranger with some piercing blue eyes. "Hello strangers," the man said after glancing at the two, his voice holding a nice twang to it.

Buffy didn't recognize him but a glance over at Angel told her that he did. Angel looked surprised to see him though. "Linds," Angel greeted, starting to stand. "What in the world are you doing here?"

"I was passing through," this 'Linds' answered, waving a hand in the air.

"Passing through?" Angel asked, skeptically.

"Mmhmm," he answered with a smirk. Those blue eyes flickered back to Buffy and he smiled. "How you doing there, sweetheart?"

Before she could answer Angel turned to look at her. "Buffy, this is Lindsey McDonald. He's an old friend of mine."

Lindsey nodded toward her.

"Oh. Well, um, hi there. I'm doing as well as can be expected I suppose. How are you?" she asked out of habit.

"I am doing just fine, thank you," he answered, those pretty eyes sparking, a smile still on his face. "I hear you had quite the ordeal. And from the looks of it, you still have some missing holes there in your memory?"

Buffy nodded. "More like one big endless one."

"Don't you worry none, the brain's a funny thing and sometimes just needs time to heal and get itself all sorted back out. I am sure you'll be back to your old self soon enough."

"I hope so."

Lindsey stole a glance over at Angel before crossing his legs and leaning against the counter behind him. "I must say, for a woman who got hit by two semi's and a mini van before rolling off into a ditch... you are looking mighty fine."

Buffy blushed, lowering her head to look at her hands. "Th-thank you. I've been told I got very lucky." When he didn't reply, Buffy lifted her head back up to find Lindsey and Angel staring at one another. "E-everything okay?" she asked, confused.

Lindsey laughed. "Just go sit down," he said to Angel. Then he looked back at Buffy. "Don't mind him, he just gets overly jealous. At least when it comes to you. You might not remember this, but the first time you and I met Angel here up and punched me right in the face. Damn near broke my nose. Had a black eye for weeks after that."

"You deserved it," she heard Angel mutter.

"Hey, all I did was compliment a beautiful woman."

"You were looking down the front of her dress!"

"While giving her a compliment!"

Angel shook his head while Lindsey just laughed heartily.

Buffy was rather amused as she watched the two of them go back and forth. Angel seemed to be a little more relaxed with his friend here, though a little on edge, especially with a few jabs the man with the twang put out there. Once the two of them took a seat-Angel back to his chair while Lindsey jumped up on to sit on the counter beside the sink, she asked for some back story with the two of them.

Turns out, Lindsey and Angel had met at college when they'd been paired together in the dorms. Lindsey pointed out they hadn't stayed there long, Angel dipping into his "family money" to rent out a condo. She remembered some of what Angel had told her about his grandparents with that statement. Lindsey hadn't been able to meet him halfway with the payments for their new place but he stayed as his roommate anyway and helped with what he could. They'd remained friends ever since, even if life had set them in different directions after college ended.

Buffy brought up the fact that ever once in awhile Angel seemed to use a southern type phrase or word and attributed it to their new guest. He'd laughed at that, owning up. "He got me back for that, too, believe me. I turn into an angry Irishman whenever I have had more than my fair share of alcohol. Or if I get really mad. Or a combination of the two. And trust me, that freaks anyone out more than anything else."

Buffy was enjoying the company of the two men when one of the nurses came to get her to take her to another floor. She really hadn't wanted to go but didn't see another choice in the matter.

Both men stood, Lindsey reaching out a hand to her. "In case I don't see you before I take off I just want to say it was nice seeing you again, I wish you a speedy recovery, and I do hope we cross each other's paths again soon." While they were all walking out, the nurse bumped him with the wheelchair Buffy was in and started to apologize when he seemed to turn on that charm of his. "Don't you worry none... Lily, was it?" At her nod, he smiled bigger. "You know you are far too pretty to be in this profession..." he began but Angel rolled his eyes.

"Linds, you are a terrible flirt," Angel cut in.

"I happen to be an excellent flirt. Which is why you want to deck me every time I am in the same room as Buffy," he countered playfully. "You take care now, Buffy," he said to her. "Now come on, Angelus. You can buy me lunch."

OoOoO

Outside the two men discussed where they wanted to go eat before Lindsey followed him that way. After the waitress left them with their menus, Lindsey wasted no time jumping right in. "I see you're still in love with her as ever."

Angel sighed, reaching over to take a drink of the ice water that had been set out with their menus. "What are you doing here, Linds?" he asked again.

Lindsey sighed, sitting back comfortably in the booth. "I came to check up on you, see how you were holding up. I know this isn't much easier on you than it is Buffy."

"I appreciate the concern," Angel drawled.

"Hey, you can try and hide it all you want but I know better," he said, finishing just as the waitress came over to get their drink orders. "W and H must be missing you."

Angel shrugged. "I've been in touch with them just about every day. Mostly been doing things from my cell phone or laptop. Think I'll have to go back for a few days near the end of next week though."

"Can't say I was surprised any by you deciding to stay out here with her."

"Didn't seem right to leave her there alone while she was still in the coma," he answered after a moment. "Then when she woke up... It's one thing to be stuck in the hospital, another to be stuck in the hospital and have a good chunk of your memory missing."

Lindsey huffed out a little laugh. "Whether she woke up with her memory in tact or not, you would have stayed out here until she was released. We both know that. She could have woken up, spotted you, and called you every name under the sun-as she's done many times-and you'd still be here. Maybe not being all buddy-buddy in her room or even going to see her personally, but we both know your love-struck dumbass would have been here checking up on her in one way or another."

Angel sighed. It wasn't like he was wrong.

The waitress came back to check if they were ready to order and after a few more minutes they finally let her know what they wanted. Angel also asked for them to make a carry-out box for Buffy.

"Maybe the Powers That Be decided to throw you a bone, taking her memories away like that."

Angel raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Lindsey shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe the universe is giving you a second chance. Without all the drama you two found yourself in, maybe you have a chance to make her fall in love with you all over again."

Angel snorted. "I don't think it works like that, Linds."

"Why not? You kind of got a fresh start right in front of you."

"Yeah... Until those memories do come back. And then what? Those memories are going to come back to her and it's going to be a shit storm as it is. Over the past and over everything that's happened since her accident. She's going to throw absolute hell over me even being here in the first place. It'll be nothing more than manipulation as far as she's concerned, taking advantage under the circumstances." Angel reached up to rub his eyes. "I really don't need that."

OoOoO

Buffy was disappointed that her session with the doctor took as long as it did. Neither Angel nor Lindsey were back in her room when she came back, though she knew Angel had obviously been there by the food left on her bedside table. When she asked the nurse if he knew how long ago it'd been since he was there she was told she missed him by ten or fifteen minutes.

With a sigh, she returned to bed, at the food and started to watch a movie that was playing on the television. She hoped Angel would try to come back by but he never did. After visiting hours came to a close, she decided to just try and go to sleep.

OoOoO

"Don't you have leaving to be doing?"

Lindsey sighed, resting up against the door to his truck. The weather seemed to be taking the turn that'd been promised for these parts, already dropping to one hell of a cold temperature tonight. "I have never seen two people more in love with one another than you and Buffy were," he said honestly. "And I've never seen two people act more stupidly than the two of you either to let it go like you did."

"Well, you couldn't have one without the other on the latter," Angel replied wryly.

"I'm serious, Angel. The two of you threw away something pretty damn amazing over absolute bullshit."

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't live with that every damn day? That I let things get as bad as they did. That I didn't fight to fix things. That I didn't stop her from leaving me."

OoOoO

"Mr. O'Connor," Buffy's morning nurse greeted. "You are here just in time."

He raised an eyebrow while Buffy looked mortified. "In time for what?"

"Your wife's been cleared to take a shower before we switch out her IV's. I was going to stand in there just to make sure she was alright but now that you're here..."

Angel cleared his throat. "I-I don't think that is the best idea. You're as much of a stranger as I am right now."

The nurse waved him off with that statement. Before he or Buffy could talk the situation around they were left alone.

Angel sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. "I guess come on," he said after a moment. At her wide eyes he continued, "You can take your shower. I'll keep my back to you and just be there in case you need me. Alright?"

Buffy hesitated but passing up a shower was not on her to-do list. 'It's not like there's anything he hasn't seen before,' she thought, then blushed furiously and hurried toward her bathroom with him following slowly behind her. As promised, Angel wasted no time turning his back to her, looking at the door. Nevertheless, she turned her own back to his as she finally started to undress, her fingers slightly shaking. To try and distract herself from the situation, Buffy began to ask him about his night and find out if Lindsey had already skipped town or not.

Buffy knew the water wasn't going to be anywhere near the hot temperatures she liked to use in her showers at home, but was looking forward to it all the same. She turned the water on and was soon standing under the surprisingly warm spray. The shower curtain was clear plastic which didn't help her embarrassment even with Angel's back turned but she did her best to ignore that.

Closing her eyes, Buffy tilted her head back, letting the water spray down her aching body. The water stung in all the right ways as it hit her skin and her wounds.

Grabbing for her shampoo, Buffy began to softly hum the first song that popped into her mind.

OoOoO

After rinsing out her hair and scrubbing down with some of the goods Angel had brought her, Buffy snuck a glance at Angel who remained standing in the same spot. He looked extra delicious today for some reason... standing there in those sneakers, dark blue jeans, a tight black tee shirt with some sort of design to it with a brown leather jacket over it. He looked like he'd had a trim to his hair... either that or just had it styled differently today.

"Can... can I ask you something?" she asked after eye-googling him.

"Hmm?" he asked, tilting his head to the side in the tiniest bit. Not enough to see anything that he shouldn't, but to show he was listening.

"A-about D-Darla," she continued.

She saw him stiffen but he didn't say or do anything else.

Buffy held her hands over her breasts, squeezing the poof she still held, feeling nervous. "Y-you mentioned that she was a f-friend?" she asked.

His hands slide into his pockets, his head looking down. He was silent for a long time before, "Not friends so much," he started then cleared his throat. "But we did know one another."

Buffy waited for him to gather his thoughts, continuing to enjoy the warm water. She did feel a slight chill at the thought of the woman who'd helped destroy her marriage though.

"We had met a college. Darla was a few years older than me but we had a couple of classes together and had several friends in common so our paths crossed more than a few times." Buffy thought she heard him swallow. "Darla Pratt was-is-the heiress to The Master Security Corporation. Her father wouldn't let her join the company-officially anyway, until she got a proper education. We were never close, there was never a relationship there but yes, we did know one another prior." He paused, his feet shuffling some. "After she graduated she left to go part of her father's company. I would get a mass e-mail from her from time to time but that was it. I might have replied to one, I think, but that was it. When Wolfram and Hart decided to switch security systems Master put in a bid with the company and suddenly she, her father and a few others from their company were brought in."

"W-why did she..."

Angel sighed loudly. A hand came up to rub at the back of his head and neck. "I don't really know," he said. "I mean, she had showed an interest in me a few times back when we were in school but it was never returned. We remained friendly enough when we would see one another so I never thought much of it. Then she fell out of my life for all those years, life went on. I met you and we started our life together. I guess she was jealous and wanted to split us up even after all that time having passed. You told me right from the start pretty much you had a bad feeling about her but I was just wasn't paying attention I guess. You and her had exchanged words a few times and I always took your side and went to go talk to her and get her side of the story and tell her to back off but it wasn't enough. It didn't calm your fears and it didn't get her to give it up either."

Buffy turned the water off once it started to go cold, asking him to hand her a towel that was still on the rack to the door. After thanking him, she wrapped herself up and quietly stepped out of the shower.

Angel took a step forward, his hand reaching for the knob to leave her to get dressed but he paused. "I tried to be polite at first, explaining to her that I had no issue working with her or even trying to be friends with her but I was happily married. I think a lot of me not being more aggressive with keeping her from being such an issue was due to me not wanting to muck things up at work. Which now I see is nothing short of stupid as stupid can get. Especially given the fact that once I brought everything that had been going on to their attention they went above and beyond with trying to get things straightened out and cut ties with her as soon as they possibly could. But... I just wasn't thinking. She had hacked into my e-mail accounts at one point and added some damning evidence to point the finger at she and I having an affair... which our tech guys shifted through until they were able to prove it was her doing. Just things like that. And the night... that night... I wasn't there with her, it had nothing to do with her. She wasn't even supposed to be there. I was in meetings all day and went back to the room to wait for you. I ordered some food, set out some swimwear so we could go laze around in the pool later that evening, and jumped in the shower while waiting for you to get there. Hell, I had called you just before I went to the bathroom to see where you were. I don't know how everything got so fucked up."

"I'm sorry, Angel," she whispered, wanting to cry. She heard him let out a sad laugh. "Maybe "memory" me isn't, but "this" me is.

Angel didn't say anything, just opened the door and exited the bathroom.

When she finally emerged from the bathroom, Angel had taken his jacket off and was playing around on his cell phone. She decided that'd been enough depressing talk for the day so tried to keep their conversation light the rest of the time he was there.

OoOoO

"I-is that... snow?" Buffy asked, her forehead creased up as she looked at the white stuff in Angel's hair the next morning. She'd slept in and was waken up when he entered the room.

One of his large hands came up, brushing at his wide shoulders then rubbing at his hair. "Yeah," he answered. "It's coming down like freakin' crazy out there."

Buffy's eyes went wide. She didn't exactly put snow and Texas together and mentioned that to him. Her eyes glanced toward her window and she felt a thrill go through her, a smile easily taking over her face.

Angel grumbled. "Yeah, well, locals seem to have the same thoughts as you from the way they all forgot how to drive at the first sight of a snowflake."

Buffy laughed. "Wait right there," she told him, hurrying to the bathroom. She used the facility then threw on her pull-over hoodie and switched her slippers for the sneakers in a rush. "Come on," she told him, already heading toward the hall. "Do you think they'd let me go out in it?" she asked.

"I would highly doubt it," he answered, following behind her. "I can ask?" he offered.

Buffy didn't answer, leading him down a few hallways, a quick ride in the elevator, and then down to where a set of doors led outside.

"Buf?"

She just smiled, wasting no time stepping out into the cold air and opening her arms out wide as the white fluff rained down. She laughed, spinning around then started to venture further from the hospital.

When she looked back over her shoulder to where he remained just inside the doors, Buffy felt the air rush out of her.

_"You stay out here long enough and you're going to turn into a snowman. Snow...woman?" Angel told her, a big smile on his face, bright red for the cold._

Buffy stopped, forcing herself to take a breath. The cold air rushed through her, burning her lungs. Buffy closed her eyes, the top half of her body leaning forward as she braced her hands on her kneecaps.

"Buffy?" she heard Angel shout, worry evident in his voice. "Buf?" he called again, reaching her. "Are you okay? Come back inside."

"Y-you t-told me I was going to turn into a s-snowman," she whispered.

"What?" he asked, his forehead scrunching up in confusion. He helped her over to a bench, sitting her down and kneeling before her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded slowly. "I-I think I... remembered something."

His head tilted, eyes searching her face. "Come back inside and we'll tell your nurse, okay?"

She nodded, letting him lead her back inside and back to her floor. "What happened?"/p

Buffy rubbed her arms. "I-I went outside and when I looked back to where Angel w-was standing... I suddenly had a feeling rip through me, followed by an image... a s-scene playing out in my head," she told them. When they prodded for more she closed her eyes, trying to get a better picture to come up. She repeated what she remembered Angel having said to her, describing what she could remember. It wasn't much. She could remember snow falling down and what looked to be endless miles of white all around her, Angel standing in a large black coat in front of a red door that had a wreath on it. She remembered a large tree in the yard, a green bird feeder hanging from it in the shape of a Christmas tree."

She was asked a few more questions before the attention turned to Angel. "Do you remember anything like that having happened?"

Angel shrugged. "I don't remember that exact conversation... But it sounds like she's describing her friends', Cordelia and Xander's, house. We went up there for a late Christmas get together the year after we got married. They live in a pretty isolate area in the country, brick house, red door... Buffy had been so excited by the storm, I could hardly keep her inside."

Buffy put her hand over her racing heart once she was told they would alert her doctor to fill him in. She'd had her first memory of the past she'd lost. That was one hell of a step as far as she was concerned.


	6. Chapter 6

"H-home?" Buffy repeated, panic seizing her. "Y-you-you're wanting to s-send me home?" she asked. "H-how can you send me h-home when I don't even remember where the hell that i-is?"

She had only been out of her coma for a couple of weeks and here they were wanting to send her home? She'd had just one other flash of a memory since the morning out in the snow. She was a far cry from ready to leave the sanctuary of these walls and go out into the real world.

Her doctor tried to push all of those worries and fears out of her mind but nothing he said was honestly helping a thing. She wasn't ready. She didn't know when or if she ever would be. The doctor went over how well she was doing with healing-even including the memory bit, discussed the after-care routine she was to follow, and gave some helpful tips on ways to try and help her recover those lost years once out of the hospital.

Buffy gave herself a few minutes to calm down once she was back in her room alone before reaching for her cell phone. Angel had chosen one hell of a time to fly back to Los Angeles for a two night stay. He leaves and she gets news they want to keep her over the weekend for observation but by the start of the following week she should be cleared for discharge.

At the sound of his voice on the other line, Buffy felt the little control she'd managed to build up start to fall away as tears sprung back to the corners of her eyes.

It took all but two seconds for him to realize something was wrong and ask her what was up. And only a few minutes for him to get her calmed back down. Angel had kept a level head as they talked, telling her more than once it was all going to be okay and he would figure something out, promising he would be back to the hospital as soon as possible.

OoOoO

Buffy's hands shook as she finished getting dressed and began to grab up the last of her personal items from the bathroom and put them into one of the hospital bags she'd been given earlier. She delayed leaving the white and blue tilted bathroom for as long as she could, slowly getting dressed after her shower, fixing her hair into a tight ponytail, putting on some light make-up and rubbing lotion on her hands and down her legs, and finally spraying herself with the perfume Angel had gifted to her. She carefully packed away all of her remaining items, gave herself one last long look in the long mirror, then headed toward the door.

Her room was almost entirely bare from her possessions, Angel having taken most of her things out to his car while she was getting ready. She was no longer hooked up to any machine, no tubes running to her veins, no white patient bracelet on her wrist, nor the red allergy one to twin it.

"You want me to go ahead and tell them we're about ready to go?" Angel asked.

Buffy turned to look at him and nodded.

"Okay," he said softly, and began stepping out into the hallway.

She went to gather the last of her things, throwing them into the hospital bag in her hand that still had room along with the large duffle bag Angel had bought for her. He returned to the room shortly, taking the bags from her.

"I'll go ahead and start heading down to get the car pulled around," he said when transport showed up.

Buffy didn't want him to go, but that was nothing short of ridiculous. She was only being taken downstairs where she would meet back up with him in a matter of minutes. But still, she felt a little bit of panic as she watched him exit the room.

When prompted to, Buffy sat down in the wheelchair and began to be wheeled away. Nurses she had become friends with stopped to say their goodbyes and to wish her luck before they continued on their way. The trip was short enough and soon she and the man who was pushing the wheelchair were standing near the front entrance of one of the connected buildings. Not having seen Angel's car yet, he kept her inside between the two main doors while they waited.

"Is that your husband, ma'am?"

Buffy blinked, looking to where the man was pointing. "I think so," she said then nodded when he got closer. "Yeah, th-that's Angel."

Next, he pushed the wheelchair through the second door and out into the cold air. Angel had parked at the curb and gotten out to open the passenger side door. The two men helped her out of the chair and into the large, black vehicle. Her escort wished her well before he shut the door and turned away. It was just a few seconds before Angel slid inside to the driver's seat. The car made next to no noise as he began to pull away from the hospital, heading elsewhere.

Buffy wasn't exactly keen on the idea of being back inside of a car after the accident she'd had but was thankful that she hadn't yet remembered anything from the crash itself. She was sure that would be a nightmare for a good, long time.

OoOoO

The hours it took to get from the hospital to the apartment complex she was using as her current address seemed to drag on. She'd been tired but unable to fall asleep, never having been able to sleep well in a moving vehicle before. They had stopped at a drive-thru to eat but mostly just stayed on the road. Angel had the radio on at a low volume and had told her a few stories of trips the two of them had taken in their years as a couple along the way.

When they got closer to her building, Angel asked her if anything looked familiar along the way. None of it had. The apartments themselves gave nothing either.

With a sigh, she got out of the car when it stopped, going toward the office with Angel behind her to speak to the landlord she didn't remember. Angel had paid off her rent and other utilities he'd known of for three months in advance but she'd needed to go clear a few things up with him, as well as get the mail Angel had asked him to hold.

Knowing she couldn't stay here, she had to work it out to get out of her lease early, which Angel had already brought up with him on her behalf so it was more or less done when she walked in. There were just some paperwork to fill out mostly. She was glad he'd been understanding about everything and it hadn't taken long to sort everything out.

They got back in the car and drove to the building she was in and began making their way inside. Angel had to unlock it as it kept getting stuck for her and was sure it'd have given her hell a time or two since moving in.

Angel's eyes held the silent question as she went inside, looking around the space. The apartment was a decent size but didn't look very lived in. It was decorated rather plainly... mostly just some essential items in each room as far as furniture went. The living room held a matching light tan couch and loveseat, a trio of tabled-one being the coffee table and the other two end tables, one of the tables held a lamp on top of it. There was a small bookshelf entirely filled up and a desk with a computer and chair in one corner. She shook her head after taking it in, none of it looking familiar to her.

The kitchen was small but looked to have new appliances inside. She'd been given a list from her landlord that described what all was here when she moved in in case she couldn't find her original lease inside. There was a empty notepad on the counter, some spoiled food in the fridge, empty trashcan in one corner, a few dishes in the sink. The cabinets had just a handful of plates, cookware, silverware and such plus some other food ad household products.

The hallway was bare. She turned into the first room she came across which was the bathroom. She found a large collection of toiletry items, make-up, lotions, perfumes, nail polish and such. There were several towels, a hamper of a few dirty clothes, a small washer and dryer set along one wall. The linen closet held some cleaning supplies and more household items.

Next she discovered the bedroom. The full-sized bed was messy and unmade, a ceiling fan hung about the bed, there was a nightstand to the right side of it. She had a laptop laid out on the bed and a tall standing lamp in one corner of the room. Another bookshelf with books and movies was in here and a comfy looking armchair. The large walk-in closet held several items of clothes, accessories and shoes.

She had a bike out on the deck area and a single fold-out patio chair.

"I was really hoping coming here would be like turning a key in a lock," she said softly. "That I would suddenly remember-at least some of it."

Angel nodded his head, understanding. "I'm sorry it didn't strike any memories back to you," he told her.

While Angel started to clean up a little, Buffy decided she'd go indulge in a hot soak. That bathtub had looked far too inviting to waste the opportunity.

OoOoO

Angel wasn't surprised by Buffy's bare apartment. He knew most of her things were still just sitting back at the house in Sunnydale. She hadn't taken much with her when she decided to high-tail it out of the small California town. All the same, it was hard to imagine her here. Buffy's presence wasn't exactly "felt" around the apartment. The colors weren't here, the lack of decor items or just random things she would up and buy and string about everywhere, nothing up on the walls, hardly anything he knew she held dear to her spotted.

He sighed, going to the kitchen to throw out any food that had either gone bad or simply he knew wasn't going to travel well and started working on making them something for dinner. He didn't feel like going out anywhere else tonight if he could help it. After they ate, he figured they could start going through some of her things and decide what she wanted with them in the car and what they could have the moving truck could load up and deliver. Or at least get a start on it as they still had some time before she officially needed out.

When Buffy came to join him, he had just about finished putting everything out. She complimented him and asked him if he cooked for her often.

Angel nodded. "We have different tastes in general so meals at our house could get tricky sometimes."

Buffy started sorting through her mail as they ate, finding most of it junk mail. There were some bills and just a few personal notes in the pile, he said he'd take care of whatever was left over from her time here. She had a few things in town still to take care of including talking with her employer, the bank she'd opened an account with here, and finding who she where she wanted to donate anything that wasn't going back to California with her.

By the time they finished eating, cleaning up and then starting the process of going through her things it was started to get pretty late into the evening. A knock at the door surprised them both.

Buffy looked like a fit of nerves as she went to go answer it.

"Oh, Jesus, Buffy. You look like death decided to give you a warning." The voice was feminine and very Texan. At the silence from Buffy's end, the girl jumped right back in. "Oh, Lord, I'm sorry. I was told you'd lost some of your memory and here I am probably just freaking you out more. Mine name's Winifred Burkle, you can call me Fred. I live right next door to your left here."

"Oh," Buffy said next. "Oh, I am sorry. Would you like to come in?" she asked a little nervously.

This Fred woman was a slender, shy looking lady. She had a goofy but pretty smile, her hair was up in loose pigtails, some brown glasses on her face. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know you already had company," Fred said when she spotted him. She stepped closer, holding out her hand. When he took it, her eyes widened some. "You're Angelus," she said.

He hadn't expected her to recognize him. "Um, yes, I am."

She continued to look at him. And kept her hand locked with his. "Somehow you look much better in person," she stated. "I wouldn't have thought that possible."

"Uh, thanks?"

Fred shook her head, snapping out of it. "Sorry. Buffy showed me some pictures of you before. And... just wow... okay, anyway... Buffy! I wanted to see if there was anything I could help you out with? Anything you might need?"

Buffy thanked her but said she was good for the time being before explaining she was planning to go back to Sunnydale in a few days. Fred said she'd miss her and hoped to see her again before she left before leaving them alone once again.

"She seemed nice," Angel offered.

Her blonde head nodded. "Makes me wish I could remember her. Maybe when I do I can get in touch with her again I guess." She sighed and plopped down on the couch. "Sometimes it's no so bad, you know. Not remembering. Other times it feels like I'm drowning under it all." She made it a point to set up a time to go back and talk to the thin brunette. Maybe she held some answers no one else currently did.

OoOoO

Angel found it difficult to sleep that night. Buffy's couch was comfortable but a little on the smaller side for his larger frame. She'd only had one pillow in the house so he was using one of the blankets she'd given him earlier as a pillow and the other to cover his body. Her street was pretty busy with traffic, which he wasn't exactly used to these days. And then there was simply the fact she was in the next room.

Angel had spent a few nights in the hospital down in a waiting room on the same floor while she was in the coma and things were looking a little bleak, but other than that this was the first time in roughly a year and a half that he'd slept-or was supposed to be sleeping-under the same roof as his ex-wife. He was dead tired but his mind just did not want to shut off.

He wasn't blind to what was going on with the two of them, despite efforts to keep something like this from happening. He knew her better than she realized, knew what her looks meant, the tone in her voice when she'd say certain words or phrases, he knew her ticks. He'd gone through her falling in love with him once, he recognized bits and pieces of that again as they spent more and more time together.

It was like a knife stabbing him deeper and deeper every passing day.

_"I see the way she looks at you."_

_Angel set his jaw._

_"She's going to break your heart all over again if you let her."_

_He barked out a laugh at that. It'd never healed any from the last time._

OoOoO

Buffy stared up at the ceiling fan above her, unable to fall asleep still. She didn't know what it was but she just couldn't seem to relax enough to fall under. She thought about tip-toeing to the bathroom and taking some medication she'd been given for that but she wasn't sure if Angel was awake still or not and didn't want to risk waking him up in case he was in fact asleep.

She didn't want to risk going in there and asking him to come lay down beside her, which she had a craving for right now that she couldn't explain. Every time she closed her eyes it was all she could picture... laying on her side, her body pushed up against his, those strong arms holding her and protecting her from the rest of the world...

After a little time passed though, she decided to get out of bed, as quietly as she could manage. She thought about what Fred had said earlier and wondered the photos she'd mentioned. Buffy moved softly around the room, the open curtains letting the light from the moon fill the room as she began sneaking around.

"Forever" was written in silver on top of the heavy and full black album that she found hidden in her closet. She knew what she'd find in there before she opened to the first page.

Angel hadn't been kidding about their wedding ceremony being perfect. She could tell that from the photographs alone, from the shots of it, but mostly from the faces of those who had attended. Not to mention the looks on both her and her groom's in the pictures of either or both of them. She'd never really spent much time thinking about these kinds of things but even at a glance into it Buffy knew it'd been exactly perfect for her-for them, and everything she'd wanted.

She looked beautiful, young, carefree and blissfully happy. Angel's eyes seemed to be on her in every shot the two shared, never leaving. He looked at her like she was everything, like she was the last drop of water to a dying man in the middle of an endless desert. It stole her breath and drove to a tightening in her chest.

She wished she could remember that. Hell, she wished she could even have that now. His eyes sure didn't look at her that same way. Maybe from time to time there was a glimpse of it but those eyes were hard now, dark and hard. Not like this. Not even close.

Buffy knew she was in trouble when it came to him, already confiding in Willow several days ago that she was afraid she was falling in love with him. He made her feel safe, loved... even when she was sure he wasn't exactly trying to. He made her feel wanted in those rare moments his guard slipped. He took care of her above and beyond any call of duty would ask. He made her laugh.

Buffy missed him when he was gone. Craved him when he was near.

She understood all too well how she would have fallen in love with him once, even if he had this dark cloud hovering over him.

Somewhere inside of her, she also knew that "Memory Buffy" never got over him, never stopped loving him. How could she have?

OoOoO

As the last of her items were packed up into the moving truck, Angel came up beside her as she looked on at the building, trying to remember something-anything. "Buf?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure you're still wanting to go to Sunnydale? I mean, we can take you to Willow and Tara's if you'd be more comfortable. I could get you a storage unit set up there if they don't have enough room and..."

Buffy shook her head. "No. I mean, to a point it is tempting, but I think Sunnydale is where I need to be. If I am going to start putting the pieces of my life back together, I should be where it happened, right? Besides, I know Sunnydale. Better than anywhere else. I remember it there. It's familiar to me, even if it's from years ago in my mind's view. It couldn't have changed all that much."

"Alright," he said after a minute and went to go talk to the moving crew with her stuff.

About thirty minutes later they were back on the road. She was thankful it wouldn't be much of a trip this time. The movers would be diving her things back to the small town while she and Angel headed for the closest airport with a way to LA.

OoOoO

Relief is what Buffy felt as the drove through the streets of Sunnydale. It was a wonderful thing to be surrounded by familiar weather, sights, streets, faces after all she'd been going through in the past many few weeks. Even Angel seemed to relax a little as they got closer and closer to what was once their home. Those hunched shoulders started to relax, he started saying more than two-to-three words at a time as he updated her on changed the town had gone through in the past couple of years, the tension that filled the air slowly taking a step down.

As Angel started to grab her things from his car, Buffy made her way up the drive way, on to the porch and stepped inside. Angel had warned her it would look different inside and he certainly hadn't lied about that. They had begun to remodel and redecorate once she decided to move back into the house from the dorms at school and Angel moving in with her from his own apartment in Los Angeles he'd explained. It wasn't exactly what she remembered, sure, but it still felt like home. It felt like her.

She stood in the foyer, gazing around the house from there at first. She could already tell some of the bigger changes: carpeting, hardwood and tiling to the floors had been redone, the walls repainted, several built-in additions worked into the design. Everything was a bit more bright and poppy than the traditional looking home her mother had gone with, but she liked it.

She moved out of the way when Angel came in, putting her things to the side of the stairs. "What do you think?"

Buffy's eyes left the hanging pictures of times forgotten that hung on the wall to look at him. "It's different, but pretty."

He didn't say anything else before going back outside to continue his task.

The light gray and white walls were welcoming to her, the dark blue curtains with sheer white underlyings pulled back to let some sunshine fall into the rooms. She took a seat on the dark gray sofa, pulling one of the pillows set to the side into her lap as her eyes looked around the room. While she liked the new look, it was going to take some time to get used to it.

Buffy continued to go through the house, room by room. When she got to the dining room, Buffy paused, staring intently at one of the walls. "A-Angel?" she called out. "Was this room... red... at one time?" she asked, her forehead creasing up.

His eyes stared at her for a minute. "Yeah," he answered. "You were thinking about going with a different color scheme at first. You'd wanted to a little bolder of a look, dark reds and grays."

Buffy's hand reached for the simple silver string of a necklace she had around her neck, her fingers grasping at her weddings ring it had attached to it. "I r-remember the swatches on that wall," she said, pointing a finger from her other hand.

"You'd already done the living room, and started on the kitchen next. I think you had about half of a wall done in here before you changed you mind on what you wanted. I think Giles' wife gave you that yellow and white rug down in the living room when they decided to move to England and you changed your whole idea about the house from there." After her face scrunched up, he let out a little laugh. "You'd just started so it wasn't that big of a deal. You waited to buy the new furniture and stuff until after the floors and walls and cabinets were all done."

Buffy could tell the house was well lived in and very loved. It made her sad to think of it sitting here all alone while she'd left town for all those months. She hadn't even liked leaving it to just sit there when she headed off to college, but it was hard for her to remain there at that time. She was still reeling from her mother's sudden passing and it was just too much to stay in their home.

Finishing with her tour of the downstairs area, Buffy began making her way up the stairs to the second floor. Upstairs it was a bit easier to see the missing pieces to the home, empty spaces that looked out of place. She was sure that was due to her split with Angel, whatever having been in those spots being something of his that he had taken with him when he moved out.

The guest bedroom she'd known was suspiciously bare. From the looks of it, it'd been converted into an office area. It 'felt' more like Angel than any other room in the house had so far-even with it being practically empty. Her old bedroom was now the one for guests. Somehow it felt smaller as she stood there. And the last bedroom formally being Joyce's but then had become theirs. Now... hers.

As Buffy stepped a few feet into the room, she had another flash of a memory come to her. This being the most detailed and longest of the four. And the most embarrassing for her.

_One of his hands was tangled up in he hair as their lips collided, the other holding her bottom with a gentle but firm touch, pushing her body into his. She had already lost her dress and heels as they had made their way up to the bedroom, so she stood before him in nothing but a lacey black set of bra and panties. _

_"You are wearing far too much clothing," she pouted, her fingers reaching for his tie. _

_"You know," he said, his voice husky as he lifted her up into the air, her legs wrapping around him. "I couldn't agree more."_

_Her laughter filled the air as he carried her the rest of the way to the bed, dropping her down in a playful manner. Her foot kicked at him but he grabbed it, bringing it to his lips, and dropped a soft kiss at the arch. Her face broke out into a large smile as those heavy hands slide from her foot to her ankle, down to her knee and began to seek lower ground. "You're still wearing too many clothes."_

_He smirked down at her. Taking his time removing his hands from her soft flesh, he finished taking off his tie and began to work on getting his white button-up shirt off. "I guess we'll just have to fix that."_

Buffy jumped at the knock at the open door to the bedroom, her face flushing when Angel popped his head inside. "Hey, I was... Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Y-yes," she lied. It felt too warm in here.

Those dark eyes bore into her. "You sure?" he asked. "Did something happen?"

'Apparently!' her brain wasted no time in saying. Thankfully that didn't quite reach her mouth, which had a mind all of its own when it came to things like this. She cleared her throat, trying very hard not to look at him. Trying very hard not to think of him stripping before her, the way his lips felt on her, his body against her. Trying very hard not to think of what might have happened next in that memory flash she'd just gotten. "N-no," she continued to lie. "Just feeling a bit o-overwhelmed." At least that wasn't an entire falsified statement.

He didn't look convinced but didn't call her out on it. "I was going to see if you wanted to head into town with me but it might be best for you to stay here," he said slowly, his eyes never leaving her.

"O-okay." While she didn't want him to leave, she did think maybe a little space at this particular moment might not be the worst idea.

"I'll be back in a little while. I thought I would go get you stocked up on groceries and things like that. You have my number if you need anything."

She nodded.

"Anything in particular you want me to pick up while I'm out?"

Buffy shook her head. "N-no. Nothing I can think of."

"Alright," he drawled out. "You going to be alright here by yourself?"

"I think so. I might s-start putting some of my things away."

"Okay. Well, there's no rush. I'll be back shortly."

Buffy let out a hard and shaky breath when she heard the front door close. "Get ahold of yourself woman," she muttered out loud.


	7. Chapter 7

Angel hadn't had any intentions to stay through the night. Hell, he hadn't planned to stay any longer than it would take to get the groceries and other supplies he'd bought for her into the house and set up. But when she asked him to stay, there wasn't anything in the world that could make him deny her simple request.

So, instead of heading back to his apartment in Los Angeles, he helped clean up the house a little alongside her, made a few calls, and wound up ordering them a few pizzas and other small side items out to the house. After the day they'd had, pizza sounded pretty damn good. They'd just finished setting the dining room up when the knock at the door came.

After their meal he began to clean up, Buffy insisting to help. He tried to shoo her away knowing that doing dishes were her least favorite chore-even with a dishwasher-but she didn't budge on the subject. Dinner had mostly been quiet, and it wasn't much different while they rinse the dishes and put them into the dishwasher as well as put the leftover food into the fridge.

Angel wasn't sure what to do after that. Being around Buffy was always a bit of a challenge but now they were back in the home the two of them shared for the majority of their relationship, memories flooding him at every turn. She'd done most of the painting but he and Xander had worked on the new floors. He'd designed some of the built-in features she'd wanted and helped to install those. Buffy had been mostly in charge of picking out home furnishings but he'd come along and helped a few times, but mostly had been the one to move it-then move it again and again until she figured out just where she wanted everything to go. His belongings, new and old, had their places in here once, too. When he moved out he had taken very little of "their" items with him.

Beyond that, there were photographs of them still up on the walls or on shelves, albums tucked away in the drawers of an endtable, rows of home videos of different events along a few shelves of one of the bookcases. And of course there were the memories. The good, the bad, and the everything in between. He was reminded of the first time Buffy ever invited him here on last through to the last time he thought he would have ever walked out of that front door.

He was doing his best to keep the front up, but it wasn't easy being back in this house. The pain was raw, scratching at him endlessly.

The first time he had seen her cry was in this house, and he could still feel his thumbs on her face as he wiped away her salty, hot tears and rocked her in his arms. He had carried her over the threshold as man and wife after saying their vows. He'd nearly died laughing in the foyer when a small blue bird had gotten in the house and she was in a full blown panic as she screamed and ducked anytime it moved. He'd chased her up and down those stairs, all throughout the house many times when they were being extra playful with one another. The sitting room would be turned into a full blown Christmas area once the holidays rolled around. Willow had given her approval of him on the old couch there in the living room. He'd tried a new recipe for fried shrimp she'd asked him to check out that had gone horribly wrong in the kitchen. He'd taken care of her in the bathroom when she'd come down with the flu one year and nearly set up camp in there in the process. It was all still with him.

They'd been in love living in this house. They'd made beautiful memories. And some not so beautiful ones, too. They had laughed, shared, cried, argued and everything in between here.

A good part of their falling apart and coming undone happened right here as well. She'd thrown multiple items at him in the kitchen, in the bedroom. Screamed at him in every single room. He'd begged and pleaded for her to just listen to him in the doorway of their bedroom before the first time she laid her hands on him in any violent way, slapping him so hard his face kept the handprint she'd left for quite awhile. She'd told him she hated him and never wanted to see him again from the middle of that staircase.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing important," he lied. Neither of them missed the tiny hitch in his voice he hadn't been able to suppress though.

"I know it can't be easy on you being here," she said softly, her head looking down. "I am glad you stayed, though."

He shrugged, looking away when her head started to lift.

They went and sat down in the living room a few minutes later. He took one of the armchairs while she curled up on the sofa. She went to the same spot she always did and his eyes studied her to see if it was due to a memory or not but in the end it seemed to be nothing more than coincidence. He still thought she'd remembered something earlier before he went into town but wasn't going to push her on it. There were probably many things she wasn't going to want to share with anyone-let alone him.

OoOoO

It had taken a little bit of time, and a few glasses of wine, to get conversation flowing easily. Buffy stuck to her non-alcoholic sparkling juice but had offered Angel some of the dark red liquid. He'd turned such down at dinner but relented during their talk. She was happy for it, too. He seemed to relax a little afterward. He started to share a few stories and memories with her as well as answering some questions she came up with along the way to ask. Angel made her blush and laugh, and there was that swarm of butterflies that would stir up when he looked at her a certain way she couldn't seem to shake.

Finishing off the glass of wine in his hand, Angel started to stand up. "I think it's later than I expected it to be. If it's alright with you, I'm going to go on upstairs to use the shower and then probably head on to bed."

Honestly, she didn't want the night to end but she was feeling a bit worn out her own self after their long day. "That'd be fine, Angel," she told him. "I told you earlier to just make yourself at home." The words were awkward though and they both knew it. This had been his home. Their home. Buffy was sure he didn't exactly want to be here given the inner turmoil he must be facing but still... selfishly she wanted him near her.

Angel nodded. "Okay, well, I guess I will see you in the morning, Buffy. I hope you have a goodnight. I'll be just down the hall if you need me."

She watched him turn start toward the stairs and called out. "A-Angel?"

He stopped and turned to look at her.

Buffy stood, walking through the living room and into the foyer as she tried to push her nerves down and shut her over-thinking brain up. In a matter of minutes she would be cursing her mouth for not listening to the music wiser brain, but she wasn't there yet. "I-if you could change o-one thing about us... what would it be?"

He sighed, his hand gripping the bottom curve of the stairwell. "If I could change one thing, I would change the fact that we ever ended."

The way he said that and the look in his eye that he was doing his damnest to hide had her heart rate picking up. "W-well, that's a given, r-right?"

His head barely shook. "I don't mean it like that," he said softly. "I could say that if I could go back in time I would have not taken the promotion if that was what you wanted or even as just a precaution. Or that I would have refused to work as many hours. I could have sent Darla and her father packing the second their feet touched Wolfram and Hart floors, listened to you about her earlier, not been there that particular night. I could say I'd go back to when you told me to leave just so I could do something differently, to the night I found out about you and Riley so I wouldn't say the things that I did, never filed for divorce or anything after that. While I wish all or any of that were possible, if I had but one choice, one chance to change it... my answer would be that I would change we ever ended. Because all of that... it could have still happened but it still shouldn't have ended. We shouldn't be over, Buffy."

"Y-you f-feel that even n-now?" she dared to ask.

His fingers reached out to her face, brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face. His lips gave a sad smile. "Yes," he answered. Buffy felt the world wanting to spin as he elaborated on his answer. "On both sides of the coin to that, too. Looking back, even with the absolute hell we put each other through I say it was nothing more than a mistake for us to give up on everything we had. We should have worked things out. And even now, hell, standing here right now in front of you I wish that things weren't over."

Before she could squeak a single word out, he gave her a thoughtful look before retracting his had slowly and began making his way upstairs.

Putting a hand to her chest, Buffy closed her eyes. Her chest felt very tight, almost to the point of passing out. She took a seat on the bottom step and folded her hands into her lap and pressed her knees up to her chest.

OoOoO

Angel stood naked in front of the sink while the shower warmed up, tears dabbing at the corners of his eyes. Wiping them, he let out a long breath. He had a very miniscule buzz from the wine, just enough to make him a little fuzzy up there. It was almost nice actually. Angel knew he could blame his earlier words on the wine, but he also knew that wouldn't really be truthful. It was a combination of many things that made his mouth do such stupid things. Missing her, finding out about the accident, those agonizing weeks she was still unconscious, the weeks that followed after she'd waken. It was being around her again, talking with her, seeing her smile and laugh... how she made him feel, the rip-your-heart-out pain through to the beat-your-heart-out lust. Bringing up old memories of the better and worse times. Being back in this house. Just all of it had his head and heart all the more screwed up.

He couldn't seem to stop himself when she'd asked him that question. To tell her in a small way that he still wanted her. He knew it was stupid, pointless, but in that moment he'd wanted her to know.

Stepping into the shower, Angel let his head rest against the side of the side wall as the water fell over him.

OoOoO

_"This was a very stupid idea," Buffy muttered to herself. This was not the kind of weather someone should be out in, let alone driving in. And that was a few thousand times over when it came to her. Buffy had never really wanted to learn to drive but Angel had eventually talked her into it "just in case" she ever had an emergency or something come up. ''Funny,' her mind spat out. She'd rarely used her knowledge of driving, that only coming into place once they had split and it'd been hard for her to get anywhere any other way. So there was that. And then you add in the freezing cold weather, the freezing rain and slick roads. _

_Yeah. This really wasn't a good idea._

_Seeing her third car start to slide in the the past thirty minutes, Buffy decided she would turn around as soon as she somewhere to do so at. There was no way she was driving back home tonight but hoped she could find a hotel to crash in not too far off. "It's not like he's going anywhere," she said out loud to herself. But her mind had that flicker of panic of what if he wasn't. _

_Buffy had done her damnest to keep herself separated from anything related to her ex-husband. They hadn't talked or seen one another in about five months now, she hadn't been given any indication that he was doing anything to check up after her as she'd asked of him and there was only one person she'd spoken to that was close to him. So yes, as far as she knew he wasn't seeing anyone. Lindsey had told her he wasn't, that he was still hung up on her and didn't balk at adding how he believed Angel always would be. But that could all change in an instant. The way fate had been working against them, he'd probably choose tonight to go fall in love with someone else. _

_Buffy sighed, her hand roughly brushing through her hair. She turned the radio up, hoping it would get her mind to shut the hell up and kept looking for signs that she could pull off this death trap of a road soon. _

_Maybe she could calm down, gather up her bearings, maybe think of the exact words she wanted to say instead of hoping for the best once she got there. _

_She felt relieved as she saw the lodging sign ahead... but that feeling came and went in the matter of seconds. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the large truck heading right for her. And she screamed as it hit, her car began to slide, and was just about to find herself smashed into a second one in front of her._

"Buffy!" someone was shouting, but they sounded so far away and muffled. "Buffy!" came again and someone's arms were on her, shaking her.

She started to leave the darkness behind. Buffy opened her eyes and sat up quickly in the bed. She could feel her body shaking and slightly damp from sweat. "A-Angel?"

He stood before her looking concerned, his arms just below her shoulders on her arms holding her firmly. He wasn't wearing a shirt. "Buffy? Are you okay?" he asked her. "You sounded like you were having a nightmare. You were screaming."

"I-I was?" she asked, rubbing at her face. She still felt the terror coursing through her veins from starting to remember the crash. "S-sorry." Buffy bunched herself up into a ball, holding her pillow and blanket close to her.

He yawned then sat down beside her, one hand coming out to lay on her leg. "You want to talk about it?" he asked gently.

"I-I was remembering t-the accident. A-actually, it was more of the lead-up to it, I guess. But I was in the car, worried with the o-other cars a-and the rain. I was going to p-pull over for the ni-night," she told him, nearly seeing it as clearly as she did in her dream as she spoke. "Tha-that's when it happened. Or, at least started to. I remembered watching... unable to do anything... as the first truck hit and we began to slip. I was t-trying to stay calm... but when our speed picked up and there was another truck in front of me... I knew s-something bad was going to happen. I don't re-remember anything after that... just being terrified as I was about to get stuck be-between the t-two."

The next thing Buffy knew, Angel had his arms wrapped around her, cuddling her close to him. She closed her eyes, breathing the fresh smell of him in, enjoying the warmth of his hard body. He whispered comforting words in her ear and rubbed her back as she got comfortable against him.

"I thought I was going to die," Buffy whispered after a brief period of silence. "I-I wasn't ready."

Angel's head bent down, kissing the top of her head and smoothing down her hair. "You're alright now, Buffy," he whispered. "You're safe here."

"I feel safe with you," she said in a rush.

He sighed but said nothing more, just held her. She was about to fall back asleep when he started to move her, laying her back down and covering her up. She knew he'd go back to his room and she knew that she didn't want him to.

"Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"W-would you stay with me? Please?"

He hesitated. "Buf, that's probably not the best idea."

"Please?" she repeated, starting to sit up.

Another sigh. He rubbed his large hands down his handsome, tired face. "Yeah. Okay. Just give me a minute." And with that he walked out of the room. She heard him go into the bathroom and a few minutes later come back out. Soon he was returning to her room with a blanket and pillow in his arms.

"Y-you don't have to do that," she said as she watched him set up a make-shift bed on the floor.

"I really do," he whispered. "Go back to sleep, love. I'll be right here."

Buffy watched him move around some until he was comfortable, then shifted her own body into a better position. She wanted to crawl right down into the floor with him and pretzel herself against him but resisted the urge-just barely. Her eyes began to grow heavy and soon she was back asleep. This time, it was a nightmare-free slumber.

OoOoO

Over the weekend Angel continued to help her get settled in. He'd both given her a credit card of his own and told her to use it if she needed and placed a large sum in her own bank account that she still had set up there in town. She had to order a replacement card with them but they gave her no hassle with the process. He made sure her house was stocked with any supplies one could thing of, all of her bills were taken care of for the time being and in order. She wasn't going to getting behind the wheel of any car anytime soon but Sunnydale wasn't that big but he had told her there were a number of people around who'd help her if she needed.

One of those was one of their next door neighbors, Robin Wood, who had stopped by to see how she was. She didn't know him as he was fairly new in town but he and Angel seemed to get along, plus she found out he was the new principal of the high school. Another neighbor, Gwendolyn Post, she somewhat remembered had brought over a baked pie for her and told her she'd be happy to help with anything she needed as well.

Angel made sure to give her any numbers and addresses he could think she would need. From hospitals to restaurants, her friends' contact information as well as his own. It was all in preparation of him leaving. She knew he had a job, his own place, his own life that he needed to get back to. He'd been away from it for weeks on end since her world got turned all upside down and he couldn't very well just babysit her all day until she remembered who she was. But that didn't mean she was ready for it either.

He promised to come back on his days off-if she wanted, but that didn't seem like enough.

Buffy had several more memories hit her over the weekend. Nothing major, just small moments that came and went. She'd remembered meeting Tara the first time, and who had come with Willow as promised to visit her the second trip the redhead had taken to come see her. She remembered having a big party with her friends in the back yard. Being bored out of her mind while watching some movie and deciding to just turn over and fall asleep on the couch on top of Angel. Giles singing in some small coffee shop and leaving her speechless... Just small, random things that came to mind... usually just out of the blue.

Sitting on the couch, Buffy looked down at her hands, picking at the nail polish she'd put on. "What do you think's going to happen if or when I do get my memories back? I mean, most if not all of them?"

Angel walked into the room, taking a seat in the armchair closest to her. "I honestly don't know but my guess would be there will be a lot of yelling and cursing to come my way," he said. His voice gave him away but his face attempted to smirk. "And after that... I don't know. I guess you'll figure out what you're going to do next. Stay here or find somewhere else to head off to, get a new job or an old one back... I don't know."

She let out a shaky breath. "You really think things will go back to the way they were with us? Have some big fight then just walk away and be back out of each other's lives again?"

"Yeah," he said slowly, "I do."

She wanted to cry. That couldn't happen, could it? Looking up, she said, "W-what if that's not... I don't th-think I want to remember if that's the case, Angel."

He sighed. "I can't say I haven't had that same type of thought cross my mind," he admitted. "But I can't honestly wish that on you either. You deserve to have those memories, to be complete up there. The good and the bad memories, those events, big or small... they all made you who you are."

She wished she had the right words to say to make him understand. She didn't want to lose him, she didn't want her angry old self to come along and ruin whatever was happening to this version of herself.

"We had our reasons for splitting up, Buffy. You had your reasons to feel the way that you did."

"Wrong reasons!" she countered.

"Maybe. But they were there, whether you remember right now or not. And you have a right to remember that and to feel that way. It isn't fair for you not to have the whole story to this, to know your side of it all."

How could she explain she was falling in love with him and didn't want to remember whatever had happened before if it meant they just went back to all that hate and anger, sadness and giving up on everything? That right now, to her anyway, none of it seemed to matter. She didn't have the past-that past, only these past several weeks with him. And that was her reality right now and all she knew right now. There was also how fast and deep those emotions seemed to grab hold of her when it came to him, but it wasn't like the very thing hadn't happened before so it wasn't like it was that much of a stretch there.

Angel started to stand. "I should start heading out. I have work in the morning." She knew he'd already packed what little things he'd brought into the house and put them back in his car.

"Angel," she whispered... not knowing what else to say.

In a move she hadn't expected, he walked over, stood before her and helped her to her feet. Those strong arms gathered her up, hugging her to him. "I have missed you every single day that you have been gone, Buffy. Hell, I miss you right now. And if I could go back, or even make things different now or down the road somewhere... without question I would."

"I don't want you to go," she whispered into his chest.

"I know, baby," he told her, kissing the crown of her head. The two of them just stood there in one another's arms for what felt like a lifetime. "I gotta go," he finally said and began removing himself from her. "I'll be back in a couple of days or if you need me I will be here whenever. You can call or text or whatever whenever you want."

Buffy nodded but felt tears welling up on her again. She followed behind him as he grabbed his coat and slipped it on and reached for the door. Angel turned around, reaching for her next. She knew she wasn't making this easy on him but couldn't seem to help it.

"Are you going to be alright?" he asked her softly.

'No' she wanted to scream, but instead she nodded her head.

Angel used his thumb to tilt her head up so he could look at her. She saw a complete mix of emotions swarming around in those dark eyes of his as he looked at her. Not giving him time to think better of it, Buffy stood on her tip-toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to her lips. She felt him tense up, then give in, returning the kiss.

He felt like heaven.

When he pulled away, he gave her one last look before turning around and started to make his way to his car without saying anything else. She stood in the doorway as he climbed inside, gave her a hard look and started pulling away, and even remained right there in the same spot long after he had disappeared from sight.


	8. Chapter 8

While Buffy's house was warm and inviting with his bold but inviting decor, Angel's apartment was the complete opposite. And it wasn't just the black and white space, it was everything that went along with it.

After Buffy had kicked him out, he'd taken up in a hotel room with Wolfram and Hart where he'd stayed at all through their break-up, short separation and on through their divorce. Once it was finalized, he began to look for a more permanent place to hang his hat on and wound up in one of LA's newer high rises. He had a lot of open, empty space here. And it spoke volumes about the man who lived here.

His walls were all the same shade of white, floors were mostly covered in a matching white carpet but otherwise they were a light tan color. His furniture consisted of a ton of black leather and glass pieces. Everything was in order and exceptionally clean. He had a large living room, open kitchen and connecting dining room, full bathroom, laundry area, plenty of storage closets, an office area and the bedroom. Not to mention a large balcony with one hell of a view of the city.

It didn't feel like home though, it never had. He was certain that anywhere without Buffy never would.

With an annoyed sigh, Angel went to the kitchen and poured himself a drink before putting some of his stuff away. He left the rest of his things laid up against the corner by the door and went to go take a long shower and change before heading to bed. He was practically dead on his feet and hoped his stupid head would have enough sense to let him get to sleep soon. He didn't need to show up looking like a zombie again to work in the morning. He didn't need to be worrying, thinking about, and obsessing over a certain blonde back in Sunnydale.

Not that he wasn't going to do just that...

OoOoO

Buffy was miserable. She missed Angel and he'd not even been gone a day yet. Last night she'd barely been able to get any sleep in between flashbacks hitting her, being weirded out about being in the house alone with everything that'd happened, and simply just missing him being there with her. Then the day began and her mood didn't get much better. She tried to make the most of it, though. Willow had called and the two girls spent hours talking then similar happened when Giles called. He hadn't been able to fly out to see her yet due to his own health issues but had high hopes that it wouldn't be too long before he could but it was nice talking to him when they got a chance. Willow was also supposed to come out this coming weekend so she was looking forward to that.

After that, Buffy went around the house, trying to put some of her things away and try to get some more memories to shake loose. For the most part it didn't work but a few small ones would come out of the blue when she wasn't paying as much attention.

Getting out of the house, she took a walk around the neighborhood and texted Angel a few times when she stopped at one of the parks on her way back. It wasn't enough-or even close to it, but it was something. Talking to him in any form or fashion was at least something.

Other than that her day was rather uninteresting but she made a list for everything she wanted to accomplish in the rest of the week.

OoOoO

It would be a couple more days before Buffy would actually see Angel again but the seemed to drag on and on like nothing else before. Several more memories had come back to her since he'd left... ranging from getting drunk one night with Willow and Amy when she was still in the dorms to starting a temporary job as a waitress in one of the few Mom and Pop restaurants around town on to even getting a glimpse at the memory of the first time she and Angel had met. That one she wished she could get more of but her mind didn't respond to commands about such things-as she'd long since learned.

There were other memories, too. Random things from school, teachers, faces, names. Driving to the beach. She remembered parts of a movie or two that she later looked up and could recall most of it. A meal over at Robin's house. Most were short flashes, others were feelings and a few were a total recall to a few minutes in time past.

Angel memories usually were the hardest to deal with. It made her miss him more, want him more. And that was something that could be taken a few different ways at this point given some of the more intimate things she'd had come back to her.

There was one in particular that broke her heart any time she thought of it now. She could play it back and feel every emotion she had at that time, but also feel a completely new set of feelings as a near outsider to it all. He'd looked so broken as he stood there, making sure to stand a few feet away from her as she'd yelled at him. His head remained down, his fingers picking at one another. When he did look up, his eyes were filled with pain and pleading as he begged her just to listen to him. But she wouldn't. Red hot fury ran through those stubborn veins of hers and she wouldn't have any of it. He tried several times to get a word in but she always cut right in and tore into him.

She'd also remembered Darla's face just a few minutes ago as she sat waiting for Angel to show up. She didn't know why, but suddenly her mind conjured up the blonde. Nothing else, just her in a light blue dress. The background and everything else was in a near blur and she couldn't think up of anything else at the time. But something inside of her obviously had a "click" as it sent a shockwave through her entire body. There was anger and absolute despair that shook her to the core.

She had been jumping up at every sound to go look out the window to see if it was Angel but after that she found herself stuck to the couch trying to sort through those emotions so when the knock at the door did come she nearly jumped out of her skin. "Shit," she swore under her breath and stole a quick glance at the clock. Hurrying over to the door, she peeked out then felt relief and happiness take over as she saw him. "Angel," she breathed as she opened the door.

Somehow he looked better today than he had just a few ago. Her heart skipped a beat as she took in him, feeling a longing she didn't fully understand like she did every time he was near.

Angel sucked in a breath his own self as his eyes met hers but slowly made their way down to appraise the rest of her. "Buffy," he greeted, trying to keep that annoying unemotional and detached tone in his voice she'd become used to. "You're looking better."

She smiled, thankful he'd noticed. It was all still small steps but that's really all she had on anything. "Thank you." Buffy stepped out of the door frame to let him in and felt her knees weaken as he passed her by. "How have you been?" she asked, closing the door behind her. They had talked in text messages all through the day and would spent at least an hour and a half on the phone with one another at night but it hadn't been anything like compared to actually having him in front of her.

"Good," he answered, looking around the front area of the house. "Busy but nothing too terrible. Are you still settling in alright? Had any trouble?"

Buffy shook her head. "Things have been alright... maybe a little lonely and frustrating at times but that's to be expected I guess. Not much else has happened other than what I've already told you. I did finally call to set up my follow-up this morning and got some more flowers from some shops around town which were nice."

Angel asked if a little more about the appointment and offered to take her. "Any new memories?"

'Yeah. There's been quite a few of you and me naked and doing naughty things which I wouldn't mind re-creating,' her thoughts said. Instead, out loud she told him about the few she'd had since they'd last really talked on the subject. She kept the Darla bit from just a minute ago to herself, not wanting to start their reunion off on a bad note. He had to return to LA the day after tomorrow so avoiding unpleasantness right now would be a plus as far as she was concerned.

OoOoO

Not wanting to stay cooped up in the house and knowing Buffy hadn't ventured too far from the house, Angel started throwing out different ideas for things they could go do. Sunnydale didn't always have the best entertainment but there were a few close towns that he didn't mind driving her to either.

The two wound up going just out of town to an arcade the two of them had visited a number of times. Inside they had a large food buffet, endless games you could play, laser tag, bumper cars and more. It didn't escape him that it started to feel like a date while they were there... playing around, holding hands as they walked through somehow happened, winning her prizes on the games. Buffy hadn't been too interested in the laser tag, cars or racing but she had enjoyed the games, large bowling and basketball area and movie theatre.

After a few hours passed, they decided they'd had their fill of the arcade and started heading back. He stopped to get gas and then to pick up a few things at the grocery store. He was happy when she agreed to come inside at the store with him as a number of people came up to her while they were there to ask how she was which made her seem to brighten up a little. When he found her looking at some small photo albums at the end of one of the aisles he asked her if she'd gone through any more of the ones at home.

Buffy shook her head. "I mean, I browsed through some but haven't really taken the time to sit down and go through them. Though I guess I should," she answered. "Maybe we could look through them together?" she asked after a moment. "Maybe you could tell me more about what was going on at the time or something?"

Angel gave her a small smile. "Sure, we can do that when we get back to the house if you'd like," he offered.

OoOoO

Angel had a genuine smile on his face and she was laughing so hard that her stomach hurt and tears were forming in her eyes. Going through some of her old photos had helped. She was sure more memories from the times in those books would be hitting her in days to come but a few little things were already fuzzy to her from just looking at the photos. When they'd gotten to one of her and Angel covered in mud it struck her real fast though-a memory from one of their first dates together which had gone "tragically wrong" but in all the right ways and had wound up a fun-filled and very crazy day for them.

Buffy liked the look on his face as they talked about that day, and night. She liked it even more when suddenly he leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers.

"What was that for?" Buffy asked softly when he pulled back away from her. She sure as hell wasn't complaining... her heart was ready to beat its way out of her chest, the rest of her body still feeling like it was humming from the contact.

He smiled again. "Nothing. Just... good memories."

She returned his smile with one of her own. Before he could come to his senses-as he saw it anyway-or crawl back into the indifferent shell, she kissed him again, this time with a little more urgency. Finding herself surprised again, Angel's hands found their way to her, getting tangled up in her hair. Buffy moaned low in her throat.

Angel helped to guide her leg over his until she was straddling him after the photo albums were quickly pushed out of the way. Angel's hands came down to her hips. "Do you remember the rest of that night?" he asked her. His voice was husky and it made her shiver.

"Y-yes," she told him after he pulled away again. And she did. The two of them driving out to a secluded beach after the mud war, jumping in the water to try and get some of it off of them, ending up in a position much like this in the back of Xander's old pick-up. She remembered stealing Xander's truck when Angel's car ran into issues, the two of them getting lost along the way to the movie theatre, winding up joining in on some crazy games being held in a near-by town. She remembered how it felt to be wrapped up in his arms just like this, their bodies entangled with one another. She remembered how much she had wanted him right then.

Angel let out a low chuckle. "I was aware of that," he said. "And of how much I thought I was going to pass out if I didn't get us both naked right there under the stars, but there wasn't any way I was going to let our first time be in that damn truck bed."

"I don't think I would have minded," she told him. "We made the most of it that night, though."

He nodded against her, his fingertips sliding under the bottom of her shirt to touch her warm skin. Buffy closed her eyes, holding him closer to her as he began kissing up the side of her neck. "I missed you," he murmured.

Buffy wasn't sure if he meant just the past few days or in the past year and a half with that statement but she didn't speak. Her hands just toyed in his hair and ran down his shoulders and upper back as his lips returned to her. Her body moved against his restlessly, seeking more of him. Buffy could feel his hardened length under her and it both thrilled and scared her. She knew they'd had sex before... many, many times... and very amazing sex at that from the little she could recall, but for the most part she was still the pre-Angel girl who had been with one guy sexually and dated only a handful of guys at all before that.

Angel suckled on her neck, making the throbbing in her core nearly painful. His hands roamed her body and obviously knew exactly how to work it under his large hands. She arched into his as his hands traveled down her spine, bucked her hips when he grabbed her breasts, and was begging him for more as his hands began to rub up and down her inner thighs, always close but never touching exactly where she wanted him to.

"We shouldn't be doing this," he said, his voice soft. It almost sounded like he was talking to himself more than her.

"We're not in Xander's truck bed," she told him.

Angel sighed, pulling away from her a little. "No. Worse."

She sighed as well.

"I'm your ex-husband who you don't really remember, Buffy."

"I'm an adult, as are you," she countered. "A consenting adult."

"Which you wouldn't be if you could remember everything. Which makes this very, very wrong."

Buffy let out a frustrated growl, placing both of her hands at the sides of his face. She could hardly even remember what she said, the words just spilling out of her mouth. But whatever they were, it obviously seemed to work as the next thing she knew, he was carrying her upstairs and laying her down on the edge of the bed. Buffy's heart raced as she assisted him with removing her clothing, letting them fall to the ground one by one.

"Lean back," he told her, and she did as instructed, propping herself up on her elbows. Her eyes never left him as he sunk down to his knees in front of her. Buffy swallowed as his hands reached for her, sliding up her leg. Angel hooked her legs over his shoulders and leaned his head down in between them until he reached her sex. Buffy sucked in her breath as his mouth for her, one foot twitching at the contact.

"Holy shit!" flew out of her mouth as her hands grabbed handfuls of his dark locks again. Her hips tried to come right off of the bed but he held her in place which only turned her on more.

Buffy wasn't sure if it was he was just skilled, it was chance, or if it was him knowing her body as well as she knew he had to but whatever the case... he had her tuned and humming. He seemed to know exactly where to touch her and how at any given time-giving her exactly what she wanted. It was a beautiful torture.

Slowly, Angel lifted her legs off from where they were about to squeeze his head off and folded them against her so her breasts were nearly touching. His hands held her just under her knees but his mouth never seemed to leave her. "A-Angel!" she moaned, her body trying to buck against him again, to get loose. But he held her firmly in place, though it was a bit more of a challenge in this position. She felt his fingers dig into her a little and then his mouth clamp around her pink pulsating pearl in one hell of a no-nonsense way and began to tease.

She screamed his name and some curse words as he sucked on her, bringing her over the edge in a blaze of glory. Her entire body jerked and shook as she came, a burning sensation flooding her throat and black and red spots taking over for her vision.

OoOoO

Angel took a deep breath, wondering how the hell that had happened. All of his damn sense seemed to have flown right out the damn window and now he was trying to get his head on straight and hope to hell and back the cold shower he was about to jump into would fix at least some of it.

Angel's mind was a little less muddled as he exited the restroom, and more importantly the most painful erection he'd ever had in his entire life had been taken care of. He found Buffy ready for bed back in her room, changed into some pink plaided pajamas, looking both comfortable and a little nervous laid up under the covers. He'd tried preparing something to say to her when he was still in the shower but words were going to fail him right now.

Buffy's eyes did her talking and with his mind yelling at him and a bit of a sigh falling from his lips he stepped deeper into her bedroom and joined her. She scooted closer, pillowing her head on his bare chest.

OoOoO

_Cursing Xander, and not for the first time today, Buffy searched until she found the right room and quickly got inside. It didn't take long for her to spot Anya after she remembered the girl had brunette hair again at the moment and switched from scouting out all the curly-haired blondes. Buffy ignored the buzz her phone made and started down the few steps to where Anya was and slipped into a seat beside her. _

_"Buffy," Anya greeted, her voice a bit surprised. Her eyes narrowed. _

_Buffy looked over at the clock near the front of the class then began to follow the orders Xander had passed on to her. The brunette's birthday was coming up and he was stuck on what to get her. So now, here she was. Buffy tried "feeling her out" but Anya Jenkins was one strange broad and somehow when talking to her Buffy always found herself utterly confused by the end of it. _

_She could see how Xander and her got along so well sometimes._

_With a sigh, she plopped the pen down on the small notepad she had out, ignored Anya and her ranting she'd started in on, and began looking around the class. And that was when she saw him. Buffy felt her heart skip a beat as she did a double-take. "Who is that?" she asked, cutting into Anya's rambling, nudging her in the process._

_"Who is who?" _

_"Tall, dark and far too gorgeous to exist," she answered and tried to casually point him out. _

_Anya rolled her eyes, commenting on how sexy Xander was and how good he was in bed-which made Buffy's face flush, then told her he was a guest speaker today from Wolfram and Hart. _

_Another glance at the clock. Buffy knew if she was going to make it to her own class she needed to get moving... but she didn't. Instead, she tried to sink low into the chair she'd taken to and try not to stand out while she kept her eyes glued to the sexy stranger in the navy blue suit that looked like it had cost more than her tuition. _

_Anya had a mind of her own, though. She would raise her hand or usually just blurt one thing or another out to each of the guys who had taken the floor. It didn't bother the brunette one bit, she had no shame after all, but Buffy on the other hand began to wish she'd just taken off. Dark brown eyes had caught on to her and would stare at her on and off throughout the first two's lectures. When the suit in question was up to bat, she found herself losing her breath as he wasted no time jumping up and taking the steps until he was in the aisle and a step below her. He used his introduction to the class by way of her, flirting without hesitation, using her as an example about how to present yourself publicly... or something or another. _

_She knew she must have turned beat red at first but the something came over her and she joined in on the game just a minute or two later. She sat up right in the eat, propped her elbow on the desk tray, and went for it. And she got so caught up she let everything and everyone else fall away. She forgot where they were, why and what was going on. Forgot that anyone else was in the room as they bantered back and forth, giving sex eyes to one another. _

_When the bell rang, it came back to her though. Her face flushed and she hurried to gather her things. "Goodbye I guess then, Pretty Blonde." _

_Buffy looked up to see him staring at her as everyone started to stand around her. She swallowed, suddenly feeling shy. "Handsome Suit," she said with a nod then was out the door within seconds, trying to put distance between herself and that room. _

Buffy had a smile on her face as her dreams took her back to the very day he and Angel had met, but soon she was grimacing as the sounds of an argument started flooding to her. Not wanting to wake up, Buffy tried to fight it, tried shutting the noise out but then a door slammed shut and she nearly jumped to a sitting position in the bed. It took but a second to realize she was alone in the room and another to realize she could hear Angel cursing up a storm from what sounded like outside.

Getting out of bed, Buffy rushed downstairs and opened the door. Her eyes went wide as Riley Finn turned to face her there on the porch. "Buffy," he greeted her with a charming smile.

Angel sneered from several feet away. She looked over at him with her giant-sized eyes but seemed to be stuck watching as he started back toward his car. "Angel?" she shouted out at him as he climbed inside but he paid no mind, driving off a few seconds later.

He'd looked pissed. And now she felt terrified.


	9. Chapter 9

Riley was talking to her, she could somewhat hear him but it sounded far away and muffled. She was too busy dealing with the sudden on set of a flashback as she stared off into the direction Angel had taken, feeling her stomach drop.

_She knew it was wrong. Very wrong. She knew it was in fact a pretty awful thing to do. She knew it, she really did. She just didn't want to care. _

_Riley Finn was a sore subject when it came to Angel and she could use that to her advantage, that's what it came down to. Riley had been more interested in her than she'd been in him back when they'd met and later tried dating some. She knew that Riley had carried that same torch for her every since and she could use that even now. She knew eventually Angel would find out about the two of them and she knew it would hurt him. And that was exactly what she wanted and why it had to be worth it. _

_It'd been almost cute back in their earlier, happier days... Angel being jealous of the fact of Riley having been her first lover, that he had something of her no one else could. Angel'd had many women in his lifetime so it was understood how ridiculous it was on that level, too... but it'd still been cute. _

_But those days were over. _

_Riley ha been so excited when she had called that first afternoon and when she saw him she about called it all off. That boy scout grin... the flowers and chocolate he showed up with... She was sure she probably would have told him to just turn around and go far, far away from her if her phone hadn't blown up before she got the chance with angry text messages from The Cheat. They'd been arguing through their phones for hours._

_And so, it'd begun. She started going out on a few dates and spending time with Riley again._

_And as expected, it didn't take too long for word of such a thing to reach The Cheat. She was out on another date with Riley when she heard a commotion going on and when she looked in that direction she saw him. She didn't want to admit it but she felt a rush run through her at the look in his eye. But also, a winning-out anger grabbed hold of her as he pushed his way into the dining area, stalking over to their table. _

_"What the hell, Angelus?" she said angrily. _

_He shot her one hell of a look, then one at Riley. "Get up," he growled out. Back to her. "Both of you."_

_"Go away, Angel. We're having dinner. Which is none of your concern."_

_He growled low in his throat. "Get. Up." _

_"Go to hell," she spat, her voice just above a whisper. _

_"Look... why don't you take a breath, calm down a little..." Riley started to say as he held his arms out in front of him, standing out of his chair. He didn't get a chance to say anything else as Angel's head tilted, he growled again and then the next thing anyone knew he was on top of the blonde man, his fist connecting in Riley's face. _

_"Jesus fucking Christ, Angel!" Buffy shouted, pulling him off. They had gathered the attention of every single person in the up-scale restaurant. "Go outside," she ordered. "Just go."_

_His eyes flashed._

_She pointed at the door. "Go!" He left after they stared off at one another and she helped Riley to his feet. She apologized to the im, to the staff of the restaurant and everyone else who was there to witness everything that'd happened, quickly paying for the meal they'd not gotten the chance to finish. __When outside, Angel stalked back toward them. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" she yelled at him before he got a chance to do or say anything._

_"Me?! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" he shouted back at her. His arms wildly flung toward Riley. _

_"I am out on a date," she said matter-of-factly. _

_He barked out an unamused laugh. His eyes getting wilder by the second. "A date?" he repeated. "A date? In case you have forgotten, Elizabeth Anne O'Connor, you are my fucking wife." He's pressed hard on her surname from marriage._

_This made her temper flare right through the non-existent roof. "Excuse me?"_

_"I thought you said you were separated," Riley's voice came out, a groan in there. _

_Angel's head nearly snapped off of him as he looked at the banged up blonde man. "Separated. Not divorced," he ground out. "As in we are still motherfucking married."_

_"You really are something else, aren't you?" she said, stepping toward him._

_"Don't you start," Angel warned, fury in those brown eyes when his murderous glare when from Riley back to her. _

_But she held her own. "You want to come in here, guns blazing, when we are legally separated? Yes, maybe we are still technically married-as of right now-but not for long. And even so, separation does stand for something none-the-less, Angelus. Unlike, say, the shit in which you pulled."_

_"Buffy. Don't start."_

_"Carrying on with your little slut while we were still very much married and supposed to be together..." _

"You look good," Riley's voice said.

Buffy's head turned to look at him again. He'd been talking for who knew how long, said who knew what. Obviously he was uncomfortable standing there. He was trying to hide it but it was there. "What are you doing here, Riley?" He was after all the last person in the world she expected to see.

_She had fought with Angel forever and a day out in the alleyway behind the restaurant. It wasn't pretty. A verbal lashing at high damn volumes was going on outside, neither one of them giving an inch. She wasn't surprised when they were told they needed to leave or the police would be called. She was only surprised no one hadn't come out sooner or the cops hadn't already been called with all of their shouting and more so the damn ruckus from inside when Angel showed up to begin with. _

_She got into Riley's big ass truck, cursing as she tried to figure the damn thing out. She didn't trust Riley driving with how damn loopy he looked and the blood coming from his nose. Angel had clocked him pretty damn good._

_Angel had beaten her back to her house and she started cursing him before she even parked the truck. Getting out of it, she threw Riley's keys, her bag and both of her shoes at his damn head while shouting at him. _

_It wasn't long before she was letting her emotions get the best of her. In all ways. She started throwing it out there into the damn open as to why she was even bothering with Finn in the first place. It wasn't about anything but revenge, about using him, about hurting her damn ex-husband. And she smeared it all right in his face._

_Unfortunately, Riley's too in the process. _

_But she hadn't cared much at that time, too caught up in her craziness with Angel right then. Riley looked embarrassed, staying for a very short time after that before taking his leave without another word. _

_She had tried apologizing to him twice after that night but had never heard anything back. _

"I, uh, I heard you'd been in a pretty bad accident," he said, looking down at his feet. "I was back in Sunnydale for the night so I thought I would swing by and just see how you were."

Buffy put a hand up to her head. "That's very sweet, Riley. It is. And I appreciate the concern, but I am doing better now," she told him, not wanting to get into it any more than that with him of all people. "Slow but steady progress."

He nodded and looked down the road for a minute. "You and him, huh?"

Buffy sighed. What could she even say?

He gave a tight smile. "You don't owe me or anyone else any kind of explanation on that. I just hope you know what you're doing."

"What?"

"I just mean... things were pretty, um, intense with the two of you from the last I saw."

Buffy sighed. She so very much wanted to be anywhere else right now. She tried to thank him again for his concern and tried to find some words to apologize for the shit that had gone down before but he wasn't having it. He held up his hands and just told her it was alright. Sighing again, Buffy told him softly that he should probably leave.

It didn't take any more than that to get him to bid her farewell.

Buffy sighed, waving as he passed her by from the driver's side of that damn truck. She looked up and down the road for any sign of Angel then went back inside.

She didn't make it far though, shutting the door behind her and taking a seat on the bottom step of the stairs. More of the past came to her when she walked inside, still from that night.

And Angel had not been kidding when he'd told her that night was bad.

She could remember the two of them shouting outside after Riley had left, tempers flaring to all new heights. She could remember telling him off, grabbing her bag and her shoes and heading inside. How it took mere seconds for him to follow her. Once inside, it'd started to get real ugly between them. She had tears in her eyes as it replayed in her head... all the awful, hurtful things she had said to him, and all the one's he'd said right back. It was nothing but low blows that night, saying whatever came to mind that could hurt the other.

Absolutely nothing was off-limits as they tore into one another. They'd both started to lose their voices from all the yelling and emotion taking their toll. At the time, there were no tears, no sadness, no guilt. Only impossible fury.

He ended the argument that night. His hand on the door, tapering his anger down enough to speak in a clear, soft voice. His words were biting and the tone he used only made it worse. He was almost shaking at the end of it and she was so exhausted after everything that her own armor was cracking. After he'd left, she fell to the floor and cried until she passed out.

OoOoO

Buffy paced around the living room as she left another voice mail for Angel. She knew he either had to be deleting them-listening to them or not-or his mailbox was going to be filled soon without how many calls, texts, and voicemails she had left him all day. She'd used every number she had been given to reach him at and there was nothing. She knew he had to be back at work tomorrow so she would try there then if she didn't hear from him first.

She was on edge though, throwing the phone down to the couch and running her hands through her messy hair. She'd spent just about the whole day trying to reach him and worrying her head off that things were ruined with the two of them. Fate seemed to still hate them after the wonderful day before and then this morning having the shit hit the fan over Riley showing up.

She still couldn't believe it.

Yesterday she'd been on cloud nine. Angel had returned. He kept looking at her the entire day like he wanted to strip all of her clothes off and do amazing things to her body. They'd had fun going out to the arcade... they ate, laughed, talked, played. He was "softer". He smiled, let his hands touch her like it was the most natural thing in the world, laughed. They'd gone shopping for a few groceries which she was sure was something they'd done a million times but something about it made her excited. It was couple-y.

As was coming home, carrying their things in, putting them away. Conversation was easy, catching up on the news, sitting by one another on the sofa. When they'd started to go through photos, he was right there, going through them and walking through memory lane. It had been mostly fun, but gave her a few sad moments as she wished she could remember them better.

Then... the memory of one of their dates and things just started to snowball. She'd been surprised when he kissed her, not having expected that at all. But in no way was she complaining. And then she dared for more... and... so did he. And it was perfect. Angel felt like home somehow. Her stomach was in a tight flutter as he left a trail of fire with every touch. He knew her body, knew exactly how to get her worked up. He'd tried pulling back after giving an inch but she wouldn't let him. And we he gave in... it was like the entire world stopped.

He carried her to the bedroom, laid her town, kissed and touched her... making her body hum. Her body responded to him, remembering him where her mind failed her on such a subject. They moved together, undressing her, the teasing along the way. She could still feel his mouth on her, his hands holding her down as she bucked wildly from what he was doing to her.

Buffy could remember dating Riley, a few make-out sessions they'd had, and the stupid decision to sleep with him after being embarrassed earlier when having a discussion with some other girls in her class. She'd gone to bed with him one other time and that was it for them. And it had been nothing like what Angel was doing to her with just his mouth.

Falling asleep next to him was the most comfortable she'd been since as long as she could remember. He felt warm and smelled like heaven from his shower. He made her feel safe, loved.

But then she woke up, he wasn't there, and all hell broke loose.

After sending Riley away, she'd come inside, dealt with some demons of her memories that flooded back to her, and tried to get in touch with Angel. She'd stayed in her pj's all day, worried, hadn't eaten anything other than some grapes the entire time.

OoOoO

Buffy was on the phone with Willow when she heard a beeping noise. She hurried to tell Willow she'd call her back and switched over to take his call, her fingers shaking as she held the phone back to her ear. She rushed out an apology, told Angel that she'd had no idea Riley was going to show up, that she in no way had invited him over.

Angel was quiet on the other end for a moment, then she heard him suck in a breath and tell her it was okay but he'd needed to get out of there. One reason being he thought he'd go after Riley again-and this time far worse, and the other reason he described had her trembling even more.

"A-Angel? W-where are you?" she staggered out.

She heard the sound of a glass being put down. "The Bronze," he answered.

"A-are you drunk?" That was the last thing any of them needed.

"No," he answered. "I have had a few shots, but I'm not drunk."

Buffy felt another shake rush through her. "W-would you come b-back h-here? Please?"

He gave a low chuckle. "That probably would not be the best of ideas just yet, Buffy."

"W-why n-not?" she asked.

His answer was on the same note of some of his statements earlier, jealousy gripping him, wanting to do delicious things to her that had her biting her bottom lip to keep from moaning at the thought. The thought of Angel going all cave-man and showing her she's his was not something she took any issue with if she was being honest.

OoOoO

Almost an hour later, a knock at the door had Buffy jumping. It was well into the evening by this point and she had trouble making anything out without the porch light on as she looked through the peep-hole of the front door. But she knew who it was.

Opening the door, Buffy sucked in her breath, a chill running through her as her eyes met his. "A-Angel," she breathed out.

"You need to tell me to leave," he said. His voice was dripping with sex and need. His eyes left no question to what he was wanting to do to her. His hands gripped the frame of the door. The two of them stared at one another for a long pause. Angel looked like he was barely holding on to his last rope. "You need to tell me to leave," he repeated. "I have been trying like hell to do the right thing here with you Buffy but right now..."

He never finished. With a long breath, Buffy stepped back. He knew it was an invitation. And she knew what would come of it.

Buffy's back was pushed hard into the door, closing it, Angel's hard body pressing against her. His lips were on hers, his tongue demanding to be let in to her mouth. Buffy moaned as he tasted her, and shivered as his fingers quickly slipped into the waistband of her pajama bottoms. "Yes," she hissed as his fingers found their way to her, two digits sliding easily into her heat."Jesus," Buffy moaned, her head falling back. She parted her legs slightly, giving him more room.

With a growl, Angel tugged her pants down, along with her panties. His eyes looked almost dangerous as he glanced up at her. Sliding back up her body, he positioned himself between her legs then surprised her by standing up. Her legs squeezed at the sides of his head, her hands gripping onto his for dear life. "I'm going to fall!"

Angel easily moved her into a better position, her legs open wide enough, resting on his wide shoulders and hooking down at the knees. His arms hooked under her, holding her up, as did grabbing handfuls of her ass and bringing her mound up to his face. Buffy's hands flew back down to him, grabbing at his head and neck. She screamed out his name as his tongue formed a hard line and licked at her slit before finding it's way inside her silken heat.

Angel's mouth moved slow and steady against her, taking her to the edge more than once there in the foyer. He licked, nipped, teased at her. He darted his tongue in and out of her, drew circles inside of her, kissed and suckled on her swollen lips, devoured her until she was feeling numb. He'd had to move them from their spot against the door when she got too wild for him to keep a handle on and she almost brought them tumbling over. He'd barely missed a step though, lowering them down to the ground, putting himself to the floor and having her practically sitting on his face.

Falling forward, Buffy swatted at Angel's head, needing a minute to catch her breath. He growled at her, licking at her one last, very long time, which made her whole body twitch. He slid out from under her, his hands returning to her half a second later. His hands were light as a feather as he grazed the back of her thighs, danced over her buttocks, and up her back.

Turning over, Buffy helped him slip her tank top off and cast it to the side so she was entirely bare before him. His eyes looked at her with a raw hunger all over again. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Buffy Summers," he whispered to her. "And I swear to God, I cannot stand the idea of anyone else touching you. I don't want anyone touching you but me."

"O'Connor," she corrected. Both because she had never changed her name back her maiden one and more importantly whether "Memory Buffy" liked it or not, she belonged to him. "And I don't want anyone else, Angel."

Angel was silent, then, "I want you."

Buffy climbed into his lap and together they removed his black tee shirt and she undid the front of his jeans. "Take me upstairs," she whispered.

OoOoO

Angel ground his teeth together, worried this was all going to be over before it started. Hell, he'd about creamed his damn pants when she opened the damn door to begin with and he had been on edge since. Looking at her, touching her, the smell of her... it was too damn much. Watching her face bliss time and again at his hands. And now the damn woman was insistent on touching him.

He had a fingernail digging into each of his palms as she studied his manhood. It was like their first time together all over again right now with her curiosity, damn near mirroring memories she'd lost. He ground his teeth together as her fingertips would dance up his shaft, grab him lightly and then begin to squeeze at different pressures, stroking him.

Opening the bright green packet, Angel slipped a condom on while she kept her eyes glued to him. He was a little less of a crazed maniac than he'd been all throughout the day, but that need was still overpowering any clear thought of reason. Angel propped himself up from the bed a little, cupping her breasts. She arched into him and squeezed her legs together.

Switching positions, Angel laid Buffy down on the bed and crawled between her legs. Somewhere in the back of his mind he still understood how wrong this was, but he just couldn't bring himself to care about that right now. Buffy wrapped her legs around him and he lowered to her, kissing her hungrily. It was her hand that reached between their bodies and began guiding his penis until he felt her jerk underneath him when there was a connection. Angel let one of his hands meet up with hers, helping the rest of the way.

They both moaned as he slid in her wet, hot heat, moving one inch at a time until he was fully seated inside of her. Both of Buffy's hands clawed at his back as he began to move his hips against her. He slowly pulled away, inching back in, making her say just about every swear word she knew in the process.

Angel grabbed her wrists with his hands and pulled them down to the bed just above her head. Her legs rose a little higher, giving him deeper access so he began to pick his pace up. Buffy's head dug back into the pillow beneath her as she moaned his name over and over almost in a chant. There were no words to explain how much he had missed this, missed her. It went well beyond the sex but it was part of the package. She felt like home, where he needed to be in the bedroom as much as anywhere else.

They were both covered in a fine sheen of sweat as he pumped into her at a frantic pace as the day caught back up with him. Their happy past, their bad one. All the fighting, the anger. Riley. Missing her. Wanting her. Buffy's legs were just about above her head now, curling against the wall. She screamed nearly loud enough to shake the house, kicking her twisting leg at the wall when one hand reached back for her perky pink pearl and gave it a hard flick. As she clamped around his dick, he kept his fingers on her, rubbing the little nub. "You're mine," he growled, his hips slamming against her until he was riding out his own orgasm alongside her.


	10. Chapter 10

Her staring was woke him up. Angel blinked his eyes a couple of times, trying to get his head on straight. Memories from just a couple of hours ago came rushing back to him as he started to sit up. "Hey," he said softly, his voice was still a bit groggy from sleep. "You okay?"

Buffy nodded, though looked like she was a little embarrassed.

"You sure?" he asked before yawning. "What's on your mind?"

"I-it's stupid. And nothing. Really."

Angel yawned again, his hand reaching over to the lamp beside the bed and switched it on. The two of them were still naked, barely covered up in her light yellow sheets. With the light now on he could make the shape of her body out all the more better underneath the thin cotton. He felt a stirring of need as his eye lingered a little too long. "What are you thinking? You can tell me."

Buffy was quiet at first then she sighed, looking away. "I don't know. I was just... I was wondering... about... uh, earlier. W-was that just because of Riley showing up? Just the past with everything? Y-you trying to prove a point o-or something?"

Angel's head tilted to the side. "No," he answered her. "I wanted you, Buffy. I have wanted you. Did I get upset about seeing Finn at the door all of a sudden? Absolutely. But it went well beyond that."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I am very sure about that. I have been trying to keep my emotions in check around you and pretty much been failing for some time now, little by little. We are in one hell of a complicated situation with our past and then the accident and where we would be standing had you not lost those memories and where we are at now that you did... just all of it. And I have been trying to do the right thing and not make this any more complicated. I wanted to be there for you and help you get things sorted out and just wait for the other shoe to drop I guess. But it wasn't as simple as that once I was in it."

Buffy's head looked down, her nails picking at one another in her lap.

Angel sighed, letting his head fall back against the headboard. "It's not an easy place to be in. I fell in love with you over five years ago, Buffy. And despite all the fighting we did and all of the shit that went down between us, that hasn't changed. We fought, separated, got divorced but that didn't stop my feelings for you," he told her. "I have loved you every single day since I met you, missed you every day you've been gone. But I was doing my best to accept things the way that they were and to just leave you alone like you asked and try my best to get on with life. Then... I get the phone call that you've been in an accident. And I felt like the world was sinking underneath my feet. I went out there, I talked to your doctors, saw you and I was a disaster. I didn't know if you were going to be okay, there wasn't much of anything I could do, and I just kept wishing to hell and back that I could change things with us. I was all over the place those couple of weeks while you were still out. One second I was just plain freaking out over the what if's, the next stupidly coming up with some plan of something to say to change your mind once you did wake up, then the next trying to prepare myself for what was most likely going to happen. That you'd wake up and all hell would break loose, you'd go off and push everything that had bubble back up right back down, I would tuck my tail between my legs and go."

"But then I woke up... and I didn't remember any of it?"

Angel nodded. "I didn't have any preparation for that. I came, they told me, said to go on into your room all pretty much in the same breath. And thank God you were asleep because I didn't know what I was supposed to do. And you started to wake up after awhile and I just shut down. I forced myself to calm down and bite everything else back, put myself in neutral and tested the waters." Angel paused for a moment. "I was expecting life to just go back to normal. You'd send me packing, I'd take my broke heart and leave once I knew you were alright, and that'd be that. But then you didn't remember anything. You lost the past like six years of your life, didn't remember me. Us being together or falling apart, the good or the bad. And that was just a disaster waiting to happen."

"How so?" Buffy asked, turning back to look at him.

"You woke up with amnesia and not in the best shape otherwise. You were states away from the only real place you knew, away from everyone you knew, having all this shit dumped on you. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to just leave you like that there. I didn't want you there alone, I wanted to make sure you were being taken care of, and honestly I'm the person who knew you best on top of that so I was sort of the best bet on getting your memory back anyway. I was in a situation with work where I could take the time off and handle everything... so I did. But it's not easy been easy being around you. Rehashing the past that you don't remember but I do, waiting for the shit to hit the fan once you do get those memories back, wanting to just say fuck the past here we are right now and lay it all on the line just as things are, but at the same time knowing how unfair that would be to you. You deserve your memories, Buf. And I want you to have them. I just... I want you to want me with them, too. But it's hard because I know that won't happen, and then I'm here and I'm around you, and you look at me in the way you do and I just want to give in and have what I want despite knowing better. I want to spend time with you, Buffy. I want to be here, do things with you, go places, I want to hold your hand, kiss you, touch you, sleep next to you. I want to say fuck everything else most of the time and just get lost in you, have everything that I want back again for a little while and deal with the consequences later, but I was trying not to do that. Thursday night I just got swept up in everything and I didn't want to fight it. I swore I wouldn't let it go further than that afterward but then I wake up and Riley's banging on the damn door. And I just..." he trailed off.

"I didn't know he was going to be here," Buffy said softly.

"I know." She'd told him that several times yesterday in text messages, messages she'd left and when they actually spoke on the phone before he'd come over. "But he was here and I kind of lost it. So I needed to leave before history entirely played itself out again. And I was angry and jealous. I was mad over the fact that we ended, over remembering the last time you and Riley were shacked up and hell broke loose with us, how it set the next several steps we took to dissolve what was left of our relationship. I was mad about everything. About Darla and her bullshit, us splitting up, you being with someone else, just everything."

"W-why did you come back?"

"You asked me to. And... And I wanted to. I wanted you and I was tired of doing the right thing. I was on an emotional roller coaster and I just needed you. It was about jealousy to a point, I can't deny that. It was also a build up of a long time of you being gone and me missing you. It was me being in love with you and wanting to act on that, to show you, to... I don't know."

"D-do you regret it?"

Angel's head shook. "Maybe I should but I don't. This probably wouldn't have happened last night or even ever if Riley hadn't been that large shove to come along and I should be more upset with myself for taking advantage of you not having the whole story with us or whatever but... I don't regret doing it. This is exactly where I have wanted to be, being with you is exactly what I have been wanting to do and that selfish part of me could not have been happier. Do you?"

Buffy quickly shook her head. "I am pretty sure this is exactly what I have wanted since laying eyes on you and that has only grow in the short time of 'knowing' you, so no. I just wish it wasn't so complicated."

"I know."

The two were quiet for a short time though Buffy scooted closer, cuddling up to him. His hands played in her hair, rubbed down her back. "A-Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"T-this is going to sound c-crazy... but... a-are your f-feelings... are they just for... you know, me... with the memory and the past we had or..."

Angel cut her off, leaning down to kiss her gently. "There's no you or her type situation for me, Buf. I understand for you it must seem that way at times but it's not. You're just you, Buffy. Memory or not. You're the same girl who played a battle of wits with me in front of a paced classroom, who wanted to have picnics in different cemeteries around town, who tried to show off her French skills after meeting my cousin Jack's new wife and wound up calling her some dirty name on accident. You're still the girl I fell in love with, the bride who stood before everyone we know and love and promised forever to, the wife who gave me the best years of my life. That's still who you are, you just don't remember it, simple as that from my side of things when it comes to this. You're still the one who broke my heart, who I've missed every day. There is no 'Present You' or 'Memory You', just you."

OoOoO

Buffy didn't argue when Angel offered to go downstairs and get them something to eat. Not having really eaten anything all day and then the stress and worrying and then their earlier activities had left her rather famished. He threw on his boxers and headed down first while she wrapped herself up in the sheet and used the bathroom before going back to the bedroom and decided to put his shirt and her panties on before going down to join him.

Buffy let out a happy yelping noise when Angel saw her, lifted her up and sat her on the island counter. "Don't you have food to be making me?" she asked, letting her arms wrap around his neck.

"Just warming things up," he said with a wink then nodded to where he had the oven pre-heating and the two pizzas laid out in waiting.

"Uh huh."

"Mmhmm," he replied against her neck. Her head fell back as he suckled her skin into his mouth, his hands sliding from her knees until they were under the shirt. She arched into him as his hands cupped her breasts, squeezing her thighs together as he twisted her harden tips with his talented fingers. The two of them had tried to answer the "Where do we go from here?" question but really hadn't come up with a real answer or plan, but they could both agree on the fact they couldn't just ignore what had happened or what was going on between them either. And Buffy knew she sure wasn't going to be complaining about what he was doing to her right now.

Buffy groaned when he pulled away, watching as he went to go put the frozen pizzas in the oven. He fiddled with his phone to set the timer before coming back over to her. "You have to leave in a couple of hours don't you?" she asked, pulling him closer.

He nodded. "Have a presentation to go this morning. Plus have to stop off at home to change and whatever. Willow's supposed to be coming down for the weekend though, isn't she?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, she said they'd be here around noon or so."

"At least you won't be alone," he offered, his hands sliding under the shirt and rubbing at her back.

"Yeah... it should be fun. We have a few things mapped out to go do and it feels like it's been forever since the last time I saw her and Tara so it should be fun. Wish you could stay, though. Which I am sure you will now offer to do or something but at some point you do have work at a regular rate."

He chuckled, kissing at her temple. "This is true. I'd say I'd come back Sunday but I don't want to intrude on your girl time either. I'll be back in a few days though."

That still felt like a really long time.

Their twenty minute wait time was spent talking, making out a little and finally setting the table. They made a fruit and vegetable platter and got their drinks out to go along with the freshly cooked pizza, not really feeling up to making anything else at this early hour. They didn't spend too much time in the kitchen though as Angel had the idea to move them into the living room and asked her if she wanted to watch some of the home videos they had. She'd completely forgotten about them so was happy to agree to that, going over and browsing through the titles written on them until she found something that sounded interesting enough. They'd put together several events together on most of the discs so that was helpful not having so many to go through and keep switching out.

Mentally, Buffy added watching a few more of these on to her list for the weekend.

The disc she put in for them to watch while they ate had several of their friends' weddings on them. Together they watched Tara and Willow's ceremony, Cordelia and Xander's very beautiful wedding, Giles and Jenny's. She had a smile on her face the entire time as she watched. They were all so different but very beautiful, she could see how happy everyone was. That included her. She and Angel were together on the videos and it was a little surreal to watch the two of them interact on the screen. It wasn't hard to tell they'd been happily in love once.

Buffy had seen the videos for her and Angel's wedding and their reception but she was going to put that off for right now. It seemed like it would be a little too much to try watching it with him. But she was dying to see it. Being told about it and seeing the pictures weren't enough.

Angel cleaned up while she finished watching then went to go see if he needed any help. Instead, she found herself lifted and placed right back on the counter top to the island.

"You know, you look sexy as hell in my shirt," Angel told her before taking her lips with his own.

"I think you pull it off better."

Angel shook his head, kissing down her neck. "Not even possible."

Buffy blushed, holding on to him a little tighter when he moved her slightly and came to stand closer there between her legs.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Mmhmm."

Angel pulled back then to look at her. "Did you really think I only slept with you because I was pissed off about Finn being here?"

She was silent for a moment then shrugged. "Not really, but I worried that it could have been. You're just so unreadable most of the time and only seen that shell crack a few good times so I don't know. Then I remembered about me deciding to get back together with him after we had started to split up and all of that craziness and I guess it was just weighing on me."

His eyes narrowed. "You remembered about Riley?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. About deciding to use him to try and get back at you in my angered state, a few dates we went on, that last one where you showed up guns blazing... Lots of anger and yelling, Riley getting punched in the face, coming back here..."

Angel set his jaw at that. "You remember us fighting back here?"

Buffy looked down as she nodded again. The words he'd flung at her still stung a little even now, and she felt sick at the ones she herself had thrown out.

Angel sighed, gathering her up in his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry that night even happened and I said what I did. I told you before I didn't mean it-any of it. I get a little too hot-headed and was fuming over you being with him and I lashed out like some bratty seven year old. I've hated myself over that night since."

"I wasn't exactly handling the situation any better than you. I put us in that mess."

Angel tilted her chin up and looked her in the eyes. "I am sorry. I didn't mean a word of it, Buffy."

She tried to smile. "I know. I didn't either-for the most part. At the time some of it was ringing true but that would change over time." They were both silent for a long time, Angel leaning his head down on her shoulder. "He said he was here for the night and had heard about my accident, that's why he was here. I apologized for the way I used him after everything hit me and that was about it. I do feel awful for what I did there, to him and to you. It was stupid. All of it."

OoOoO

Angel had never been the best with words when it came to the romantic side of things. He had no issue telling Buffy he loved her, what he thought, how beautiful she was, what he wanted with her... but it was always pretty straight forward. He relied more on action to express himself and his feelings. That being sexually, just being affectionate daily in small ways, planning romantic evenings together, doing some big gesture or whatever else. He was much better at that. So before he knew he had to leave, Angel wanted to make sure Buffy wasn't confused about his intentions from the hours before or the previous night.

And he sure didn't want to be thinking about Riley Finn any longer either. Or have her doing so.

Buffy's hands were spread out against the granite, fingers holding tightly to the edge as his own hands rubbed up and down her bare legs. She shivered slightly every time his fingers would brush onto her thighs, creeping under the hem of his shirt she wore.

Hooking a thumb into her panties, Angel moved them to the side so he could slide a finger inside of her. They both groaned at the contact, more when he added a second. He found her already wet and dripping, ready for him.

"Fuck," Buffy moaned, her hips moving against his hand. "That f-feels s-so good."

Angel guided the flimsy cotton and lace underwear off of his beautiful blonde until they hit the floor. "I want you," he said softly.

Buffy blushed a little at his confession but she grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him to her, giving him a hard kiss. His hands went to her hips, helping to angle her a bit better before he began to slip the condom he'd grabbed from the box on.

"Fuck," Angel ground out, sliding into her wet heat. Buffy's fingernails were marking half moons into his shoulder blades and her legs squeezing him with all their might. "I've missed you," he whispered, his head in the crook of her neck.

OoOoO

Angel pulled the shirt off of her after switching their position, her body now straddling his. As she lowered down on to him she was pretty sure she could see stars, but something about being in this position made her feel a little uneasy. It felt great, she just wasn't used to it and worried about doing something wrong. Angel seemed to pick up on that and smiled up at her. His smooth voice guided her as much as his hands did and soon she was too caught up in what was happening to worry any more about it.

"A-Angel," she said, her body shaking. "I-I n-need..." 'Something' her brain finished. She didn't know what but she needed something.

Angel smirked, lifting her up a moment later. Her legs wrapped around him as he began thrusting slowly into her as he carried her like this until she was against the far wall of the kitchen. His head bent and he took one of her nipples into his mouth.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" he whispered, his eyes and hands admiring her.

Her eyes rolled back as his pace increased and one of his hands snaked down to tease her clit. The other arm of his was doing its best to keep her still and Buffy began to assume that she had a thing for being held down and he happened to be well aware of that. Her bottom and back would bang against the wall with his every hard thrust and soon Buffy found herself biting her bottom lip and spasms taking her over.

His fingers gave her throbbing pearl one last pinch and she screamed out his name, her legs shaking so much she couldn't even feel them anymore. Angel laughed as they pretty much turned into dead weight, but only for a moment. He held on to her, pumping furiously until he reached his own release.

OoOoO

Unable to hold them up any longer, Angel slipped to the ground, Buffy tangling up with him as they went. Both of their breathing was ragged and he could still feel her shaking and twitching.

It wasn't long before his phone started going off and he knew that was his alarm telling him he needed to get a move on if he was going to get back to LA in time.

He didn't want to move at all, let alone leave her here again for the next few days. Not in the first place, not after being with her like this. He'd already gone half-crazy the last time and every other time they were split up for a few days then he went and lost his shit yesterday and wasted that time they should have had together.

In the end, he knew he needed to go, though. He took his sweet time picking himself up off her floor, kissing her, then going to gather his things. "You now I'll stay if you want me to," he told her, spotting her in the door frame.

Buffy smiled. "I know," she said softly. "But we already discussed that. As much as I do want you here, life has to go on all the same. It will suck, but maybe it won't be so bad with Willow here this time."

"Maybe for you then," he said with a smirk her way.

The two teased as he got ready, then the seriousness crept in, and finally the sadness. "Can you call me when you get back?" she asked, her head buried in his chest.

"Yeah, I can do that," he told her softly, kissing the top of her hair. He nearly lost it when she lifted her head and there were tears in her eyes. "Hey, baby don't cry please."

"I'm sorry. I just hate when you leave and when you're gone."

Angel leaned down to kiss her. "I hate it, too, baby." Angel took in a deep breath. "I love you."

This made her tears fall harder. "I love you, too," she whispered.

Angel closed his eyes, his heart bursting with happiness and ripping into pieces at the same time. As much as he dreaded walking out that door and knowing the next few days would be hell without her around, he knew none of that was going to compare to the hell he was going to facing soon enough when she was made whole again.


	11. Chapter 11

Knowing that there would be no way she'd be getting back to sleep right now, plus with waiting on Angel to make it back to LA, Buffy pulled herself away from the doorway and let out a heavy sigh. She went upstairs and took a quick shower, sent a few text messages out then checked her e-mail. Next, Buffy decided to go back over to where her home movies sat on the bookshelf and follow through on picking out the one of her and Angel's wedding. Pulling one of the decorative pillows into her lap, she pressed play.

The video started out with a photobook type introduction with photos of her and Angel together in those first few months and next were some of the well wishes their friends and families had sent out to them. Buffy felt her heart swell even sitting there watching those. And then there was a brief history lesson given which had been done beautifully with photos, artwork, the storytelling of their courtship. "...And it all lead up to this..." flashed on the screen before fading out to a clip of Angel proposing. Buffy felt her mouth hanging open as she watched, absolutely enchanted. She'd actually never thought to ask anyone about how that had happened nor had she remembered anything about it on her own so it was all new to her.

Buffy felt butterflies in her stomach as the hidden camera zoomed in. From the look on her face in the video, Buffy was sure she'd had no idea Angel had that in mind. Her eyes had gone wide, her hands covering her mouth as he dropped down to one knee before her. Angel started to give a long speech about how much he loved her and wanted this, but she found herself cutting him off before he finished and answering him with an hearty "Yes!" This made not only the two of them laugh but the camera man burst out his own self.

There was another clip of her showing off the ring and talking about how excited she was before the movie began to show some of the preparation steps for the wedding. So many beautiful moments... her trying on dresses, testing cakes with Angel, photos of the flowers and invitations... She saw all of the beautiful decorations, the throng of reds and whites everywhere.

And then on to the wedding itself.

"Oh, my God," Buffy breathed out when the video began to show her entering the room and walking down the aisle. She wasn't vain by nature by any means but knew that there were many good qualities both inside and outside about herself, but there was no question that she was breathtaking that day. When the camera showed her meeting with Angel and Rupert handing her off... all she could see was love and admiration in those dark eyes of his. They were two young adults in love standing there, promising one another forever, and meaning every word of it.

Every moment to their wedding seemed magical. The way they had set everything up, the way they looked, their self written vows to one another, the songs that played. It was nothing short of a fairytale from where she stood. And the reception afterward was just as perfect. All those moments little girls dream of couldn't even compare. They'd gotten to show off as man and wife, dance, open gifts, eat, cut the cake and make a mess. Angel had taken the stage and sung two songs to her that evening, leaving her in tears both on the video and as she sat there watching it.

They video concluded with many more well wishes from those closest to them... Telling them to have fun on their Honeymoon, hoping they would have a wonderful life together, commenting on how cute they were... how perfect everyone knew they were for one another.

And it all shook Buffy up a little. She didn't get any flashes from watching the video but she was almost thankful for that. Watching it had been an experience all on its own.

OoOoO

Buffy had just finished changing when the knock at the door came. Angel had called as promised and then she'd tried to sleep with no luck after that. But it wasn't long before Willow and Tara arrived anyway so she wasn't that upset on the lost sleep. Her face broke out into a wide smile as she headed downstairs to open the door for them.

Buffy helped the couple inside, hugging each of them and exchanging pleasantries. She told them they could go put their things away in the guest room if they wanted while she went to fix lunch.

"Are you still settling in here okay?" Willow asked when they returned downstairs.

Buffy nodded. "I am... It's still weird being here and trying to put all the missing pieces together, but it feels like things are getting better every day. Maybe at a slow pace but I'm happy for anything... Accepting those memories I've lost will come back as they please helped me calm down I think. No use in stressing over something like that when you have no control over it I guess."

"It seems like you have made a lot of progress though," Tara said with a smile, climbing onto one of the bar stools.

"Yes and no," Buffy answered. "But mostly yes," she smiled. "It's nice being back in Sunnydale and I do believe it's helped with my memories to be home and around places and people I know, being here at the house and everything. It's just different and sometimes it can be frustrating still or confusing. But I'm doing my best. It does get a little lonely though."

This made Willow frown a little. "I know, and we all feel horrible about that. High school ending wasn't all that far from your last memories then everyone going through college then moving on with their lives and everyone getting scattered around..."

"It's an adjustment. In my head I feel and see things one way so sometimes I have to catch myself. But Angel's usually here, and then I have some pretty great neighbors and everyone's been really nice and helping as much as they can. I know I don't want to live off Angel forever so I keep thinking I need to get in gear and maybe try to find something else to do while I'm putting my life back together... I just haven't quite gotten there yet to the actual 'doing' part."

"That could be a great idea," Tara told her.

Willow nodded. "Absolutely! When you're ready, that is."

Buffy had confided plenty to both Tara and Willow on the subject of her ex-husband but there hadn't exactly been a chance to fill either of them in on the events of the past couple of days just yet so she slowly eased into bringing that up.

"I can say that I am both surprised... and not," Willow said after a moment.

Tara nodded. "Seconding that."

"I know that things are very, very complicated with him and this is far from ideal timing... but I don't know. It feels right. I don't even know how to explain it."

The two girls listened as she tried though, then the redhead took Buffy's hand. "I just don't want to see you get hurt, or a repeat of the past to happen again with the two of you. I am glad that he's been here to help you out so much. And I am glad he's finally had a chance to clear the air on his side about what happened with you two... but how you take everything in when you're memories come back completely might be different from how you feel right now. And the two of you did had other problems before and after anything having to do with Darla."

Buffy sighed. "I know."

"I just don't want to see you hurt. Things got really ugly between the two of you and no one wants to see something like that happen again. But at the same time, I will say this, Buffy. You two were so very happy in love before it all went to pieces like it did. If you two could work things out, if that is what you want, I support you one hundred percent."

"Really?" Buffy asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Absolutely. I think you two would have a lot to work through but he made you happy once, and you him. And quite honestly I don't think either of you have been complete since you split. Just make sure you don't get too deep into anything before you know what you truly want to do, okay?"

OoOoO

The weekend kicked off to a pretty good start. After lunch and talking for quite some time, they all decided to head into town to stop off at some of their old favorite hangouts. The rest of their first day was spent eating, shopping and catching a movie while also just driving around town and stopping in to see Willow's parents. They didn't stay too long there as they were still adjusting to the changes in their daughters life the past several years and no one really expected that to ever change but it was still nice enough to see them.

Back at the house, they sat down in the living room to watch some more old videos, gossip and started a cheesy romance flick playing on the Hallmark station. Buffy hated to call it a night but they were all ready to head in a little earlier than expected, Tara and Willow from their drive and Buffy from everything in the past few days and running on next to no sleep. She was happy they were there though, and even happier when the last thing she did before falling asleep was call Angel for a few minutes and he told her all the right words she craved to hear.

Sunday morning came and they all went out to their favorite little diner for a quick breakfast before driving around some more, stopping at random places along the way. When they got to the beach, all the girls sighed, instantly relaxed and enjoying the view. Getting out of the car, they all started down for the sandy beach they'd come to know oh-so-well growing up.

"God, I miss this place," Willow said, her eyes closed and arms out wide.

"I cannot believe I haven't even thought to come out this way yet," Buffy replied, enjoying the sand between her toes as she set her shoes off to the side.

"So many good memories here," Willow continued. "Good times with some good friends."

Buffy smiled. That was true. Bonfires, camping out on the beach, volleyball, swimming, hell they filmed part of a movie for school out here once. Yeah, this place held a lot of their souls.

The beach was mostly deserted for as far as they could see. There was a group of teenagers down by the rocks and a guy walking his dog on the other side and that was it. The weather was beautiful today, perfect for just escaping from everything for awhile out here.

"We need to come out here more often this summer. Get Xander and Cordelia down here, too," Willow said, taking a seat. "Feels like it's been forever since we've done that. We're always meeting up somewhere else with everyone all scattered around. It'd be nice to just come home again as a group."

Tara nodded, sitting beside Willow and taking her hand.

Buffy laid down, watching them, watching the waves roll, drawing aimlessly in the sand with her fingers. For the first time in forever, it felt like her mind just shut off and let her enjoy the peace and quiet of the moment.

OoOoO

Getting back into the car, Buffy checked her phone while the girls discussed what they might do for the rest of the day and early in the morning before Tara and Willow had to head back home. They started throwing around different ideas and they were getting ready to pull out of the parking space when a black truck came out of nowhere and had Willow slamming on the brakes. The redhead swore under her breath, asking if everyone was okay.

Buffy felt a little shook up just from the jolt but was more angry than anything else, her eyes casting angry glances at the teenagers she'd spotted earlier who were driving so reckless now. Tara made a crack about what the wind had done to Wil's hair and everyone laughed and just let it ride.

They pulled up behind the truck, waiting to turn back out onto the main road when they all heard an argument getting louder in the vehicle in front of them. Then, they all watched in horror as it suddenly pulled out. Right in front of a large white van-which quickly t-boned the truck.

Buffy's eyes widened before she slammed them back shut, her hands reaching out for the headrest in front of her and holding on to it for dear life. She had to force herself to breath every time and it made her throat on down to her chest hurt each and every time.

"Oh, my God!" Willow shouted, getting out of the car quickly and trying to call for help while attempting to see how everyone was.

Tara stayed with Buffy, looking out toward Willow for a moment before she undid her own seat belt and turned around in the front seat to look at Buffy. "A-are you okay?" she asked, putting her hands over Buffy's. Buffy couldn't answer, just strangled out the breaths that were now coming in faster than she could even handle. Tara rubbed Buffy's cold hands and tried to comfort her for a few more moments before she got out of the car and came around to help Buffy out as well. "Here, maybe getting you back out in the fresh air and sunshine will help," Tara said quietly.

Just a few seconds later, Buffy slipped down to the ground, her hand covering over her mouth.

It took Tara a few more moments but then it hit her. "B-Buffy?" she said softly, rubbing the other blonde's back. "A-are you..."

"Is she okay? Willow asked, running over to them out of breath.

"Um... I-I think she's..." Tara said, looking up with worried eyes at the redhead.

Buffy felt like she was dying. She couldn't hear anything and her vision was blurry and dark. The split second before the van had hit the truck Buffy had felt all the air rush right of her. And then it struck, there was the awful noise from the impact, and then everything went to hell. Too many emotions, memories, and thoughts hitting her all the same time. And there was no breaks in there, nothing. Just one thing rushing after the other.

_There was a large truck heading for her. Buffy screamed as it crashed right into her car, she began sliding on the icy road, and soon hit yet another truck that was in front of her. The second hit had been worse and had knocked her out briefly. For a few short moments she had woken back up, a police officer was trying to talk to her as she blinked her eyes a few times. Her head hurt, her face hurt, everything hurts. She wanted to cry out or really, she wanted to pass right back out. Her car was now upside down and that fact was not making anything better. Buffy tried to speak but soon it was all just black again. _

XX

_"Who is that?" _

_Angel turned his head to look at her. "Who is who?"_

_Buffy took a step closer to him then slyly pointed to the busty blonde across the room who was burning holes into her and her husband. _

_"Oh, that's Darla Pratt."_

_"That's the woman you've been working with?"_

XX

_"Hello?"_

_Buffy sucked in a deep breath, "Hi, um, Riley," she greeted into the phone, very glad at the fact she was not attempting this in person. "It's Buffy... Buffy Summers," she said. She saw no reason to get hung up and technical about last names right then. _

_Buffy could practically hear the smile slowly take over Riley's face. "Buffy? Wow, hi. I haven't heard from you in ages. How are you?"_

_"Um, I am doing alright I guess. Going through some hard changes in my life right now... but I'm trying to figure things out."_

_"Oh. Well, I am sorry to hear that."_

_"Yeah... Well, hey... I was thinking about you earlier, Ri... And I had this crazy idea about calling you and just seeing if you might want to get together sometimes? Maybe go see a movie or go out to dinner or something?"_

XX

_"I think I found a job," Buffy said, taking a seat on Willow's couch. _

_"That's great!" Willow replied, taking the paper out of Buffy's hands and looking it over. "Wait, what? Texas? You can't move to Texas."_

_Buffy laughed. "Why not? It could be good for me."_

_"Because! Because it's too far away and you don't know anyone there and it's too far away!"_

XX

_"You proposed to Cordelia?" Buffy screamed, jumping up and down in the kitchen. Angel looked over and gave her an amused look. "Did she say yes?"_

_"Of course she said yes!" Xander replied. "Why wouldn't she? I am quite a catch, I will have you know."_

XX

_Buffy couldn't get 'The Handsome Suit' from earlier off of her mind, it was ridiculous. Her face would heat up every time she even thought of him. Knowing she would never even see him again was also upsetting her way more than it should. Having needed a distraction-and a break from all of her homework-Buffy decided to go to a party Oz's band was playing. Earlier she'd declined her invitation but now it sounded like a good idea. _

_Oz and Devon went to join the rest of the Dingos crew while she and Willow started looking for Anya or someone else they might know. She'd taken a red solo cup offered to her and then felt a strange prickling go down her back so turned to see what might be causing it. But there was nothing. Shaking it off, she followed Willow but the stupid sensation wouldn't go away._

_And then she spotted him. Him, him. He looked perfectly out of place amongst everyone and as gorgeous as she remembered. She had no idea what he was doing here-at first, but it didn't take long to realize he was watching her and that made her stomach turn into a mess of nerves._

XX

_There was a knock on the door. "Yes?" she called out in a sing-song voice. _

_"What are you doing?"_

_Buffy kicked her legs a little. "Taking a bath."_

_"Mmm," Angel said. "Can I come join?"_

_Buffy felt her face flush. "I-in the bath?" she asked. _

_"Yes."_

_She was silent for a minute, just sitting there. Then she got up and unlocked the door, hurrying back to sink in the bubbles as he came in. "Hi there," she said shyly. _

_"Hello to you," he drawled, looking her over. His shirt came off just a few moments later, followed by the rest of his clothing and then he was sliding into the tub behind her. He laughed as he gathered her into his arms. "Why are you being all shy?" he asked. _

_"I don't know. I just never had someone want to take a bath with me."_

_"Now that I highly doubt," he told her. "Beautiful and naked woman. Simple as that."_

XX

_"How did your date go?"_

_Buffy groaned, flopping down on the bed. _

_"Yeesh. That bad huh?"_

_She flipped over onto her back. "He kept talking about his sister the entire time. It was borderline creepy."_

_Willow sighed. "And here we thought Ben could be the one."_

_Buffy laughed loudly at that. "Hardly! I think I'm going to give up dating. Maybe Mr. Perfect needs to just come find me."_

XX

_"You're really okay with moving here?"_

_Angel smiled at her. "Absolutely."_

_"It's a bit of a drive for you to go back and forth to work, Angel."_

_He shrugged and kissed her forehead. "You're worth it," he told her with a wink. "Besides, with the promotion I will be able to change my schedule soon so maybe I can work from home more and at the office less anyway. We'll get it all figured out. This is your home, Buf."_

_"Our home," she corrected._

XX

_"Why are there photos of her on your phone?"_

_Angel's face scrunched up. "What?" _

_Buffy stomped over and picked the black phone up off of his desk, fiddled with it then held it up. A sultry photo of Darla was on the screen, boiling her inside. _

_Angel took the phone from her, then reached in his pocket and pulled out another. "That's not even my goddamn phone. This is," he said and handed it to her. _

_"And this is your, what, dummy phone to talk to her in private on?"_

_"No," he said quickly. "I have no interest in Darla Pratt. None. As I have explained to you over and over again. I have not done anything with her, nor do I want to. I don't know how or why the phone is in here but I've not touched it before. I swear."_

XX

_"That's it," Buffy said, walking slowly over to the dress in the corner. "That's the one."_

_The dress was exactly what she had in mind. A strapless mermaid dress, white with a dark red sash for a belt. It was strapless with a v-neckline but lace in between the bust. It was simple, elegant. And it set off her whole plan for how the rest of the wedding would look. _

_She was very animated as she began describing it to the owner of the shop and with her friends._

XX

_She was screaming at him, words she'd said a million times over by this point. He tried to get a word in but she wouldn't let him. Finally, when she told him to leave he cursed at her, ran upstairs, got a bag together. She started crying, following him upstairs a few minutes later and stood in the doorway as he threw clothes into his gym bag. "So, you're really going to go?"_

_"You're the one fucking telling me to leave, Buffy," he said angrily. "I'm done hearing you blame me over shit that I haven't done. You want me gone, I am fucking gone then," he said and hurried past her and back downstairs and out the door._

XX

_"H-he's gone," Willow whispered. Buffy quickly rose up from where she was sitting on the bed and wrapped her arms around her friend. Willow's entire body shook from sobs and soon both girls were on the floor. "I-I k-kept thi-thinking he would ch-change h-his mind and h-he would stay, stay for me, stay for us..." Willow sputtered between her gutted sobs. "B-but he left, he r-really l-left."_

_Buffy wished she knew what to do for her friend but there was no magic cure for heartbreak like this. So, she sat there in the floor, played with Willow's hair when her best friend put her head in her lap, and told her it would all be okay. That Oz leaving would somehow be a good thing, that Wil would see that in time. _

XX

_She didn't know why, she just wanted him to look at her. But he wouldn't. And it was eating her up inside. He hadn't once out in the hallway, in the courtroom, nor was he now after having followed her out. Their divorce had just been officially granted, finalized... It was done. And he wouldn't look at her. _

_Buffy felt her insides twisting up as her own eyes bore into his retreating backside. His face had been stone-cold as it'd been for what felt like forever now, no signs of anger or sadness. He'd kept his eyes cast downward or forward, barely said a word. He didn't fight anymore, hadn't in a long time now. He just went with the motions and let it happen. _

_And now he was walking away, possibly forever. And not for the first time... she regretted everything. Not their relationship, but all the awful mess it had become. She knew she could have stopped it all, and she never hated such a fact more. _

XX

_"Oh, God," Cordelia said. _

_Buffy looked at the brunette then followed her line of sight and had to throw a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. _

_"They're bonding," Cordelia continued. The two women stared on as Angel and Xander stood in front of the large television screen, controllers in each of their hands, laughing and joking with one another. _

_"I think this is the part where we start wondering if hell has frozen over."_

XX

_Angel had proof, proof that he didn't do anything that she thought he had. He'd told her as much and even explained some of it in between her yelling. But she didn't want to hear any of it. She couldn't face acknowledging she was wrong, that nothing had happened. Because if she did that... then she had to face what had happened to her. And it was easier to hide from it, to make sure she never had to talk about it to anyone-least of all to Angel. It was easier just to rage at Angel over everything than face anything. _

XX

_"Okay. Well. We're lost."_

_Buffy, Willow and Anya all groaned. Oz just smirked. _

_Xander tried to make some corny joke as he pulled off to the side of the road and asked Oz to hand him a map stuffed in the glove compartment. Anya began to describe some weird sexual fantasy of hers which included being stranded on the side of the road as a sexy hitchhiker, making Xander's ears burn red and Willow blush when Oz looked back at her. _

_"I don't think we're even going in the right direction," Buffy said after a moment, taking the map from her friend. "I don't think we're even out of California yet!"_

_And they hadn't been. They'd been going in the complete opposite direction, following the completely wrong route-actually switching between a few, and wound up saying screw it and headed to Vegas instead for the weekend. Spring Break was overrated anyway._

XX

_Angel had never lost his temper with her, not once. They had argued but he'd always kept a level head during anything. So when he did, she'd jumped back at the new side of him. And it wasn't just a flicker, no, the first time he decided to fight back with her he went full force. Gone was the sad, pathetic man begging for her to listen and here stood one pissed off force of a man. _

_He cut her off, his tone nothing she'd known from him before, and cut her deep to the core with his words. She thought that night would have been the worst of it but soon found out the complete opposite. His rage only grew alongside hers and they both went off the damn deep end as time went on. _

_Every vile thing she could think up to say came out to him and vice versa. They just ripped one another to shreds anytime they were around one another. Cursing one another out, saying the other was awful in bed, how worthless they thought the other was, using secrets they'd confided in one another as weapons to bring up and throw back in the others' face. They'd been trying to have a baby before shit hit the fan and Angel pulled that out the night with Riley and used every awful thought that popped into his head. She told him she wished he'd kill himself so she would free of him for good. _

Buffy was pretty sure she wanted to die right in that moment more than she had ever had before. Everything was just rushing back to her as the chaos from the teenger's truck and the van continued on. Nothing was in order, and get somehow it all fit into place, one thing right after another. Somehow those six-plus years were back.

It started with remembering the rest of the crash and ended with the one thing she wished she could have left forgotten.

_After running as fast as she could from the room she'd caught Angel and Darla in, Buffy got into the first cab she saw as getting to her own car would take too long, and just went along for the ride with the stranger who'd she'd crashed in there with. He'd raised a scarred eyebrow at her but then just held up a hand and said to hell with it so she'd climbed in and let herself have a nice breakdown as they drove. _

_When his stop came, she found herself at a bar and took him up on the offer to join him. She got out of the cab and went straight for the bathroom of the bar where she had another breakdown, turned her phone off, and then tried to fix herself up before going back into the dark bar. She'd ordered a drink and found a corner to take up in... but the blonde stranger sought her out soon enough. _

_She tried to shoo him away-polite at first but when he wouldn't leave her alone got an edge to her attitude. But he had laughed it off, sitting down with her despite it. _

_Somehow during the next few minutes she started spilling her guts to the British stranger, telling him about her no-good cheating husband being caught red-handed with that slut. How she should have known better, telling Angel off, and the works. Somehow, this also led to finding out that her stranger knew the stupid bimbo. William Pratt was his name, and she of course asked if there was a connection, which there was. Half-siblings. Which just made Buffy fume more. _

_Spike, as he requested to be called, ripped into his dear sister nearly as bad as Buffy did though, which made her like him just a little bit more. So, they drank and they bitched about Darla and about Angel and everything else under the sun. _

_The night started to get fuzzy but she could remember him hinting more than once about taking her home. She'd brushed it off and when she had her fill of the seedy bar, started getting herself prepared to go... somewhere. She wasn't sure yet. But, she called a cab, bid farewell, and went outside to get some fresh air while she waited for her ride. _

_Then... arms were on her, roughly pulling her into an alley way. Spike was all over her, calling her 'pet' and 'love', telling her how beautiful she was. She pushed him away, telling him to let her go and he refused, holding her tighter. He started going on about how they would make Angel pay for fucking around with Darla, he could be a sweet revenge. She still refused, fighting him, screaming at him. But he started threatening her in a low voice before head butting her and practically knocking her out. _

_Somewhere along the lines she knew she'd blacked out as when she came to, she was in a strange bed, in a strange room. She was alone which she was thankful for, but terrified by the fact she was undressed there in the bed. Her body hurt, her heart hurt. _

_After getting dressed, she was about to leave when he came in. Spike. She felt like throwing up as he stalked toward her. He put a finger to her lips and threatened her with a soft voice, sweet even, and a smile on his face about ever breathing a word about any of this to anyone. _

_Getting into the elevator, Buffy's body shook as she pressed the button down to the lobby. She didn't want to deal with this. She knew that she should, but she just couldn't. Not with everything else going on, not with having to even face that something like that had happened to her._

Jealousy had her questioning Angel when Darla showed up and his life started getting flipped upside down, when he was at work too often and for too long, hard to get in touch with. Him not listening to her when she would bring up her concerns or tell him something Darla had done or said to her, like how Darla swore one way or another she'd take Angel from her and things like that.

Then... starting to see pieces falling into place. But still, she kept trying to believe in him.

But then the night at the hotel happened and shit hit the fan. It was far too much to walk in there to a scene like that and she'd not taken to it lightly.

Which was what had led to her stupid choices of getting into the cab, going into that bar, drinking, and how the rest of the night would play out. She blamed herself for it. She blamed Spike for it, Darla, and Angel too.

She had kept it all to herself, pushing it down, and anger started eating her alive over it.

Buffy remembered falling apart when Angel started swearing his innocence, trying to explain, leaving her evidence to prove he didn't do this or that and she just couldn't take it. It was easier to hold on to the belief that he had done wrong than to accept that he'd been in the clear on everything, but she'd taken off and gotten into such a position that night to be taken advantage of that way, and god forbid have to tell someone-let alone Angel. It was only worse if he was telling the truth and she faced that in her mind. It was easier to be mad at the world and to take it out on everyone than to tell the man who loved her more than anything that someone had hurt her because of what had happened that night.

So, she let stupidity take over. Anger and fear. She'd vented everything she felt toward everything and everyone involved at him, blamed him for it all using the cheating as the cover up, let herself fall into a dark cloud more every day.

Buffy closed her eyes, tightening her body into a small ball as she wished everything back away again.


	12. Chapter 12

Angel scratched his head absentmindedly, his eyes drifting over to his phone again. He sighed next, telling himself he was just overreacting. Buffy had said very little throughout the day and she'd been silent now for several hours but Angel reminded himself that it didn't have to mean something was wrong. She was probably caught up with Willow and Tara or catching up on some sleep or something. It wasn't the end of the world.

Yet, he worried anyway. And he missed her like crazy. She was like a drug to him just as she'd always been. When they had separated, it was like he had to go through Buffy withdrawls. Which was nearly what he felt now. He missed talking to her, seeing her, touching her. He got just a taste of that back with the accident and had now put himself in quite the position with how things had progressed and here he was back in this position all over again.

Giving up, Angel let out a sight, pushed his phone off to the side and decided he would take a shower and start winding down for the night. He could try to get in touch with her after the shower and maybe find something to occupy his mind until he was tired enough to go to sleep. Then it was just about making it through tomorrow so he could head back to Sunnydale after work was over.

Angel started heading toward his bathroom when there was a knock at the door.

OoOoO

There was shock mixed with surprise first, confusion, finishing off with a wide and happy smile.. "Buffy," Angel greeted. "What are you doing here?" he asked, stepping out of the way to let her in.

Buffy had never been to Angel's new apartment but it didn't surprise her any. It was large and luxurious. She bet he paid a pretty penny for it, too. Everything was neat and in order, black and white hues taking over the majority of the space. It was just as his office had been-both at home and in the building of Wolfram and Hart, and his apartment before Angel had moved in with her. On his own, he was pretty predictable on these kind of things.

Buffy wasn't sure what it was she did or said to throw him off but it didn't take too long for her to realize he knew that she had regained her lost memories. A new wave of emotions passed over his handsome face... confusion again, guilt, sadness... and finally settling into a good old friend of neutrality. She felt a sharp pain in her chest as she watched him shut down in a matter of seconds like that. She could practically read those thoughts running through his head... how he expected her to jump on his case about the past and what all had happened during the past several weeks, how he was losing everything he just got back all over again. And it broke her heart.

"Are you okay?" Angel asked after a few more seconds. His tone was emotionless as his face.

Buffy nodded.

"Do you want something to drink? Want to sit?"

Buffy cleared her throat. "A-a glass of water would be fine, thank you," she replied and looked around Angel's space some more while he got two glasses ready for them. It didn't escape her that the last time she was around him he was telling her that he still loved her and the last time she was fully herself when she was around him a world war nearly broke out. Both of these things made her very nervous to be here. She watched as Angel carefully handed her glass to her then stepped several feet back to give them a nice space between one another. She knew he wasn't going to be the one to break the bubble of awkwardness they were under. He wasn't going to be the one to bring them into the present. And she didn't blame him one bit for it, but it weighed on her that she was going to have to be the one getting that ball rolling.

Letting out a sigh, she let her eyes drift around the apartment once more. "Th-there was an accident back in Sunnydale," she said quietly. "A group of teenagers were being careless and caused an accident while Tara, Willow and I were heading back to my house after spending some time out at the beach."

"Was everyone okay?" he asked. "Are you okay?" he asked her again.

Buffy nodded, taking a sip of her water. "We weren't involved, just there. I think everyone is going to be fine. Everyone was taken to the hospital and I've been trying to keep up with any news here and there."

Angel nodded, looking down at his feet.

Buffy felt her hands wanting to shake so she walked over to put her glass down on his coffee table. Several moments passed before she took in a deep breath. "I was coming to see you," she told him. "W-when the accident happened-my accident, I was coming to see you."

This got his attention and he looked up sharply. "What?"

Another deep breath. "I was coming back here to try and see you," she repeated. "Well, that had been the plan at first. With how crazy the weather and the roads were, I began to think twice about it. I was going to pull over for the night or so... maybe let the roads clear up, figure out what I was even going to do or say if I did go through with it, and all of that. I could see the sign and was ready to pull off the road for the night but then... everything else happened."

His eyes narrowed after a moment. "Why... why were you coming to see me?"

Willow hadn't exactly been wrong when she'd mentioned about her having doubts about what had happened with Angel and Darla or about the fact that she was giving off some missing-Angel type of vibes leading up to her decision to go see him. She had been missing him, wishing that things were different... more than she had at any time before after she'd moved out of state and been on her own. And she was questioning about what the truth was with what had happened. He had told her time and again parts of it, but she never wanted to really listen to any of it at the time and there was a whole his side to the story she refused to ever listen to at all. She had wanted to let him say his peace for once, to ask him questions about what had happened that she'd been holding in for so long. And it was easier to just skim over the whole truth with Willow than to get too deep into anything. So, the redhead hadn't been wrong on that end... just didn't know the whole truth to it.

And that's how Buffy started to answer his question, with explaining why she had decided to head out that night. She told him that she had begun to wonder about some things too much to ignore by this point, and that she missed him. "I asked you to leave me alone and when I got it... I missed you," she told him in a quiet voice. "Everything had been so go, go, go the entire time that there was rarely time for me to sit back and even figure out my feelings or sort through what was happening. Then, all I had was time to think about it and reflect. And to realize how big of a mess everything was." With a small smile, she also added in that the majority of those questions she had come to ask him she'd gotten the answers to. Just not exactly how she intended.

But, like with everything else, there was more to it.

After having taken the time to herself and being away from him and everything else she knew... she had let the time and space start to heal her a little bit at a time on everything else that had happened. She had been so angry for so long and taking it out on Angel whether he was around to hear it or not that it was good to get away and to be on her own. It scared her relentlessly at times to be by herself, to be so far from everyone she had known, but it had made her stronger in some ways as well. She began to layer her feelings out with the events that had happened with William Pratt and how it had shaped her life after that point. She let herself slowly deal with the fact that the rape incident had happened, with the fact she had handled everything all wrong and what it had wound up costing her, that Angel hadn't been in the wrong but it had been her who had thrown their marriage away and now she was alone.

She had never told a single soul what had happened that night with Spike and she knew it had been eating away at her every single day since. Sometimes in bigger ways than others, but it was always there. It had made her afraid in ways she'd never been before, she'd been hurt in unimaginable ways by those actions, it had made her feel weak for so long. She had felt dirty and ashamed, guilty and then even angrier over that as she knew better to feel like that or have such thoughts. And anger was just part of everything afterward. It had nearly consumed her.

She had been so angry at herself. Angry for feeling ashamed, angry for taking it out on everyone, angry for blaming Angel for it, angry for keeping it to herself, angry for it even happening in the first place. She hated herself for not believing Angel-even when she walked into that room, for running out like she did, for getting into the cab, for drinking that night, for not taking more precautions. She hated herself more after Angel began declaring his innocence when it came to Darla as in some twisted way it made her feel like she had betrayed him by what had happened and she felt dirty over it. And the last thing she wanted at that time was to have to explain to Angel what had happened. She didn't want to because she hadn't believed him earlier, but later it was just not wanting him to know, not wanting to have to tell him such a thing, not wanting him to go out and do something stupid over it either.

She hated herself for having taking everything out on him. It was just so easy somehow to do it. She'd been so upset for so long over his long hours, about Darla trying to mess with their lives already, stress from her own new career and everything... him brushing things off so much, Darla being a little bird whispering all these things in her ear to mess with her, a show being put on whenever she was around, seeing messages or photos, and then that night when shit really hit the fan. She was blaming him for not listening to her before, blaming him for cheating when she still believed he had, blaming him for what happened with Spike. Because it all could have been avoided. Yet, she knew it was not his fault deep down, he didn't cause this, he wasn't the one who did such actions to her. But at the time, it was too easy to just put it all on him.

Something had just snapped in her after that. Anytime she saw him all she could do is going into attack mode because in her head she was blaming him for everything. It had been on the tip of her tongue more than once to accuse him flat out for the rape but she had never taken it that far. She had said many truly awful things to him that she regretted but she had never crossed that line. And she was grateful for that as she knew it wouldn't have just broken him, but if she'd said those words out loud, it would have killed her just as much.

Instead, she just let the rage go into everything else. She wanted to hurt him because she was hurting. She'd gone to Riley because of Angel's jealousy there but also because he was one of the few people she knew would be "safe". She'd continued to accuse him of cheating because she didn't want to see anything else or have to explain what had happened if she gave an inch to him. Which only made her angrier because she was having to ruin something beautiful all because a nightmare had become her reality and she didn't want him to know. She fought with him because it was easier to fight than to feel anything else... any of the sadness, any of the loneliness after he left. And when he shut down on her... it hurt worse than any of the arguments had. As he was just giving up. The broken man, the angry man... those she could almost handle, but the one who just didn't react anymore, who didn't seem to care? That cut to the bone. And in the end it wasn't like she could blame him for being tired of the arguments, being attacked, for giving up on her. Hell, it was exactly what she had been doing all of it for... so he would leave her alone. But it still stung when he changed like that.

They had gone at one another like cats and dogs for so long... the initial break-up, separating, through the divorce, after the divorce... one last blow-out and he left her alone, she went to Willow's until she moved out of state. And then... she had the space and the quiet to let everything finally sink in. To really process what had happened. She thought about all the things Angel had said and tried to prove to her that hadn't happened, remembering bits and pieces of what he had told her, thinking back to one event or another and wondering what the truth was. She thought about the many what ifs of that night... what if she had gotten there earlier, if she had stayed longer, if she'd just gone to her own car, if she had done or hadn't done x, y and z. She thought about how she could have handled things different, if she had told Angel what had happened, if they could have worked past it together. She looked around at her new life and began to realize what a mess she had created, how much she missed him, how she wished she'd done everything differently.

And she realized she wanted to see if there was still a chance for that... To go see him again, to tell him what had happened because she finally felt like she was ready to, do let him tell his side of the story... Even if there was no future still left in the cards for them, she had wanted to clear the air on the past. And the night of the accident... it had just been overwhelming, like she had to do it right then, she had to go and get it all out as soon as possible. Enough time had been wasted, she didn't want there to be any more if she could help it.

Fate had other plans in mind on that, though.

Buffy took a seat on the leather couch, putting her fidgeting hands together in her lap. She swallowed hard and began to finish answering his question. She briefly touched on the earlier events with Darla that had happened as well as other things that had been an issue between them. He didn't say much but got straight to the point when he dd throw his two cents in on anything. She took another quick drink before getting to the night when she walked in on Darla in his hotel room.

Angel stiffened at the first mention of that night, his hands clenching around his glass. She took a deep breath as she began walking through that night from her point of view. And slowly began to explain what had happened to her after she went running away from the room.

She told him about running from the room, down the hall, pushing the button for the elevator but hearing his voice yelling for her and running toward the closest exit with stairs. She told him about cursing as she got outside, how her thought process went with deciding against going to get her car and spotting the cab to jump in instead. About the guy, the driver, her not having any idea where she wanted to go so just saying to take the other guy to his destination while she freaked out over everything. She told him about the bar, how she hadn't paid any attention to where they were going or where they were until they actually came to a stop, she described the building, the big neon flashing sign above the door. How she had her phone blowing up with calls and texts from him and didn't want to deal with it so she turned the phone off, got out of the cab, let the other guy pay her share along with his own, then went inside as getting drunk sounded real good right about then.

Buffy picked at her nail polish as she described the seedy little bar, the pretty brunette bartender who was working that night, and who she'd been thankful for when she just poured the drinks and didn't ask any questions. She told Angel about wanting to just drink in the corner alone and not think about anything else but how those plans got ruined by the guy from the cab. Once enough alcohol was in her, how she started telling the stranger about her night, about finding her husband with another woman and how pissed off she was over that. Pissed off and hurt. She explained how she was cursing up a storm there in the bar at him and at Darla, and how that led into some questioning about her and finding out that this British stranger was related to the damn blonde.

Buffy told him that at first she'd been pissed off about that fact but soon enough the two of them were bonding over hatred of her. That he was right there cursing her out, calling her every name under the sun right along with her. He didn't say all too much but he had made it clear he and Darla were not on the best of terms with one another, though it was more his father he took issue with than her. That he had come out to try and see his dear sister at her request but in the end she had really only wanted something from him, which pissed him off all the more as that's how it always was with her. Never wanting anything to do with him unless it was a favor.

Buffy told him that he had hit on her several times, but would just make a joke when she would brush it off. Then when the drinks started to hit her, how she told him she was just going to call it a night and deal with the ruins of her life when the sun came back out. She thanked him for his help and for listening to her falling to pieces and everything, turned her phone back on just long enough to call a new cab, then turned it right back off. How she'd gone for one last shot before saying goodbye to him, the pretty bartender girl, and a drunk old guy sitting at the bar who tried hitting on her as well... How she had wanted to wait outside in the fresh air for the ride to show up as it was too hot and smokey in there for her by this point.

She took another drink from the cup before continuing... starting to go over the turning point of that night when suddenly William "Spike" Pratt was grabbing for her, pulling her into his arms and back into they alleyway, telling her he wanted her and how beautiful she was, that her husband must be a fool to have chosen his sister over her. She shivered as she replayed the very memories in her mind, practically feeling him on her all over again. "He said I should go home with him, teach you a lesson for being with Darla, that he would make me forget all about you and treat me like I should be," she said quietly. "His hands were still on me, holding me a little too roughly. He tried to smile but it wasn't... something wasn't right. His tone was too serious, too. I-it... he just had red flags being thrown up all around him," she said. Buffy told Angel how she had refused the offer, saying she had no interest in him or doing something like that, that all she wanted to do was leave and asked him to let her go. When he got more forceful, she started to panic some, yelling at him to let her go, trying to struggle away from him. And then he really started to scare her as a cold look took over his face and he leaned in to whisper that he was going to take her whether she liked it or not and then how he had attacked her next.

Buffy still couldn't recall much of what happened after that. There were a few blurry images that would come and go that she tried to describe to him, but she was pretty much out of it until the following morning.

Angel walked over, making her jump as she hadn't been looking at him. He took a seat on the coffee table in front of her, taking her hands into his.

This simple act had tears forming in her eyes as she told him about waking up in the strange room, naked and confused. That her body had bruises on it in various places and she hurt and ached. That there was blood on the sheet underneath her, not a lot but it was there. She didn't remember much of what happened but it was easy to put two and two together and how that had scared the hell out of her.

Buffy told him that she hurried to get dressed, not wanting to be there, unsure of what to do next. Then how Spike had showed up before she made it out of there and what he had told her would happen to her if she told anyone. How she ran out of there the first chance she got, cried all the way to the police station she had a cab take her too, how she sat in front of it but couldn't bring herself to go she wanted to go find him but after everything... So she hadn't known what to do. How it was just too much to deal with.

Buffy cried harder as she tried to explain where things had gone from there. Angel hurried to pull her into his arms, holding her tightly. "Shh," he whispered, his hands rubbing her back. "Buffy," he said after several minutes had passed. "You should have told me," his voice was soft. "I could have helped you, done something."

This only made the tears flow harder. "I didn't want you to think of me as..."

He didn't even let her finish that. "I wouldn't have thought that, Buffy. Never. I wouldn't have thought any less of you and that kills me that you think I would have."

"I didn't really, Angel," she whispered. "It was just... it was all in my head at the time, Angel. Nothing was making sense. I didn't want... I didn't want you to think less of me because of what happened, I didn't want to even acknowledge that it happened, I didn't want to deal with it... I just..."

Angel pulled her into his lap there on the table as she sobbed uncontrollably.

OoOoO

"Did she know? Did Darla know?" Angel asked. He was now up and pacing the floor, running a hand through his air.

Buffy toyed with her fingers again. "I don't know," she said softly.

"You need to make a police report."

"What? I-I couldn't do that. I-it was nearly two years ago now, Angel."

"So?" he countered. "It still happened and you can still report it."

"And what good would that do now?"

Angel gave her an angry look before quickly softening his features. He walked over to her. "Because it will help you. Because if she or anyone else was involved in what happened to you they should pay for that." Angel sighed, rubbing his temples. And then Angel went on to explain to her that William Pratt had been killed in a motorcycle accident some months ago. He didn't remember much about it but had read it in passing.

Buffy felt relieved by this news, but she understood Angel's frustration as he spoke. He felt helpless about everything and wanted to do something, wanted to go after him, wanted to make sure justice was met. He wanted to fix something, even if in just a small way. And he was left with this instead.

And she had been there. She had thought about making a report so many times, about telling someone who she knew would make him pay in one way or another. She had stayed up many nights berating herself for never doing it, for worrying if he was out there doing the same thing to someone else and how that would be partially her fault for not having spoken up. She worried he'd find her again, come after her again... and she just had never taken the steps to protect herself.

But right now, she just felt relieved and like the news was only helping her. She was already taking strides she'd been wanting to forever... listening to him, telling Angel what had happened, admitting her feelings for him. And this just made moving forward seem all the more possible. Buffy shook her head, reaching out to cup his face. "Angel, honestly, all I want to do is put this behind me. And for the first time, I even feel like that is possible. I've been living under the weight of everything for so long and living with it all alone for so long already. I know that I should do this and I should do that, but I just want to get past it and worry about the future instead."

His head tilted to the side and he closed his eyes. "How am I supposed to do that?" he whispered. "This was my fault. I should have listened to you. I should have been faster in chasing after you that night. Hell shouldn't have even gone on the damn trip. I should have protected you, that was my job. And I just..."

Buffy leaned down to kiss him softly. "It was his doing, Angel. At the end of the day, whether someone else was involved in planning it or not, it was his doing. No matter what was going on, it boiled down to him and him alone. I spent a lot of time and energy blaming you my own self and it wasn't right to do that."

"I should have kept this from happening. I should have stopped it, should have never put us or you in that kind of position. I should have been the person you told... who took care of you, this. How did I not know?"

Buffy stroked his cheek again. "Not for lack of trying, Angel. We both knew you knew there was more to the story and you did everything possible to get answers and to the bottom of what was really going on."

OoOoO

Buffy watched as Angel took a sharp breath. He had been from one emotion to another since her arrival, and it broke her heart to see it all. "Oh, God," he whispered. "We... and you didn't remember..."

Buffy's eyes widened and she quickly got up and went to him. "No," she said sternly. "I don't feel bad about what happened with us, Angel. And I sure as hell don't want you to either. I may not have had my memories at the time, Angel, but you were exactly what I wanted. I have no regrets or ill feelings about that at all."

Buffy maneuvered their bodies so she was able to stand in front of him, her arms reaching to wrap around his neck, placing his own arms around her waist first. She pulled him closer and closed her eyes when his head dropped against hers and she could feel his cool breath.

"Why aren't you yelling at me?" he finally asked.

Buffy blinked, tilting back to look at him. "You still expect me to?"

"Yes," he answered, tearing his eyes from her to look at the floor.

She didn't ask if he expected her to over the past, over being at the hospital, being around her all this time, having kissed her, having slept with her, or a combination of it all... though she would guess the latter on that. Instead, she closed her eyes and leaned her head down to his chest. "I don't want to yell at you anymore, Angel," she told him. "I don't want to yell or fight anymore. I was coming back here to see you because I didn't want to fight with you anymore and I wanted to clear the air with us. Because I missed you and I..." she trailed off. "I know you have spent all this time thinking had I woken up and saw you there and if I had remembered you all hell would have broken loose, but it wouldn't have. I would have been so thankful you were there, Angel. And even with not remembering you or us... I was still thankful for you being there and for everything that you did. After all the shit that you and I went through, you still flew all the way out there when I was hurt and stayed by my side pretty much the entire time. You did everything in the world for me, when I am the last person who deserved that from you."

"You always deserve someone to be there and take care of you, Buffy," he whispered.

"Had I woken up with my memory right after the accident or when I was still in the hospital or anytime since then... I would have still be grateful for everything you've done for me. I still would have wound up in the same position, too. I would have been falling right back in love with you whether I had my memories intact or not. This is just the way it happened, and I'm okay with that. Maybe it is exactly what we needed. Maybe I needed to have that type of perspective in order to get to this point."

OoOoO

"I wasn't trying to put my work in front of you," Angel whispered. His voice sounded hoarse.

Buffy closed her eyes, cuddling closer to him. "I know. Neither of us were. It was just a stressful time and we weren't handling it very well. I see that a lot better now than I did at the time."

"Nothing happened with Darla, Buffy. I swear. Not with her or anyone else, ever."

"I know," she whispered back. She could feel tears stinging at the corner of her eyes again.

"I would have helped you with anything you needed after..." he trailed off.

Buffy swallowed hard, she looked up at him, seeing him in the same position as her. She cupped his cheek, feeling one of those unshed tears shake loose. "I know you would have, Angel," she told him. "Part of me just didn't want to see sense or logic about anything."

"I didn't mean all those things I said to you afterward. I was just... I don't even know where all of that came from. Somehow I think part of me wanted to lash out but also stupidly thought somehow it would help."

"I know. I didn't either, I was just... I was in the same boat in a lot of ways. I didn't mean any of it either, Angel."

Angel dropped his forehead down on top of hers. "I miss you," he said after a long pause.

Buffy let out a large breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.


	13. Chapter 13

Angel had the sliding door to the balcony open as he looked out at the lights of the city. With a sigh, he flicked away the fourth cigarette he'd burned through tonight. Angel could count the number of times he had smoked on less fingers than he had but after all the shit of today, it was needed.

Just a few seconds later, he felt Buffy's small, familiar body press up against his back, her arms circling around him from behind. "You're mad," he heard her heavy-with-sleep voice say and he closed his eyes. She knew him too well sometimes.

"Yes," he answered her after taking a deep breath. He was well beyond that actually. He heard her sigh but nothing followed it. He was angrier than he'd ever been at himself for the mess they were in, for everything with Darla, for not straightening things out with them well before it all got out of control. He wasn't angry at her by any means for what had happened to her, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't upset that she hadn't told him before. He had a fury in him he'd never experienced over finding everything out about what had happened to her that damn night, wishing he could bring William Pratt's useless corpse back to life just so he could put him right back in the ground. He wanted to hunt Darla down and make her pay if she had a single thing to do with what her brother had done... and honestly, even a little part of that was there even if she hadn't and just on damn principle alone. He was angry for everything they lost because of it all... those two years they spent fighting, living apart, breaking up, separating, going through the divorce, calling it full quits at the time... they lost that time being together and working things out and being everything they were meant to be. They should have been making a life together, memories together... not the shit they went through instead. They should have a family now, a little toddler boy or girl running around. Not this. And Angel told her as much.

"I know," she whispered into his back.

His whole body ached, inside and out. Hs eyes hurt from tears he had shed, and from ones he hadn't. His head hurt from all the damn thoughts he couldn't stop from running through one after the other. His heart hurt for what had happened to the woman he loved. His chest hurt from the sucking wound of knowing how everything could have been and what they lost.

He had always thought there was more to the story, there had to be with how she had been behaving, but he never in a million years would have thought this. Just wanting to be out of the marriage and using the shit with Darla as an excuse? Sure. Maybe her having had an affair and turning cover on him? Sure. There being more to the story, more Darla might have done or said that he wasn't aware of? Sure. But this? Never. Never had his mind gone anywhere near this.

They just stood there in silence for a long time, Buffy hugging close to him from behind. He sighed, letting his hands hold over hers across his stomach. "You're still wearing your ring," she said when he did that. He knew she'd noticed long before this moment, but she hadn't questioned it or even brought it up once.

Angel's thumb instinctively went to the wedding ring, rubbing the band. "I've never taken it off," he told her softly, closing his eyes. He heard her sigh, felt her head switch from one cheek to the other to be pressing against his back. "Do you remember what I told you about these? What they represent?" he asked her.

He could feel her nod her head against him. "I remember."

"I could never accept that we were really over," he said next. "And my heart still belonged to you, so... I just couldn't take it off."

Buffy was silent for a moment. "Me either. I tried more than a few times, but it just never felt right. I would get angry or sad and practically rip the set off of my hand and throw them or just set them to the side or whatever... but then I'd frantically go searching for them again. It never felt right with them off."

Looking down, he only now even noticed she was wearing her engagement and wedding rings again. He couldn't deny the little skip in his heart at the sight. Angel cleared his throat. "The hospital had tried giving them to me when I arrived," he told her. "They said you had been wearing them but they'd had to take them off at one point or another. Not knowing what would happen next I just asked if there was a bag or something I could put your personal items in and left it at that." He hadn't wanted to have them on him, she wake up and go off at him, and he take off and forget to hand them back either.

"Are you mad that I told you?" she asked after another pause came and went.

Angel slipped her hands from around his middle and turned around to face her. "No," he answered. "I'm glad that you told me what happened. I'm upset that you didn't tell me before, yes. But more than anything I am just... I hate that you had to tell me that at all. And I wish to hell and back I could just go back in time and stop it from happening, or somehow make it right now... but I just don't know what I can do and I feel helpless here."

Buffy's fingers intertwined with his and took a step closer to him. "You've done more than you even realize already, Angel," she told him softly. "I should have told you before, but I am glad that I finally took the opportunity to do so."

Angel dropped his lips down to her forehead briefly. "You should go back to bed."

"Will you lay down with me?"

"If that's what you want," he answered.

Buffy gave him a small smile and nodded.

"Okay," he told her and led her back inside, sliding the door shut. He had her go lay down while he went to use the bathroom and clean himself a little before coming to join her. Angel buried his face into her hair, neck and shoulder, his arms wrapping around her and holding her close.

"God, I missed this," he heard her say.

Angel couldn't have agreed any more.

OoOoO

The blaring of Angel's alarm clock hours later had him groaning, pushing his head deeper into his pillow while she jumped up at the noise. When he finally got the strength to reach over and turn it off he apologized to her, squinting at the red numbers on the clock. "Shit," he breathed out.

Angel had been more than willing to just call the whole day off, but Buffy convinced him to go in. He got up and showered, getting ready and told her to just go back to sleep and he'd be back soon. Honestly, he knew he had at least one thing he needed to do today so he didn't mind running in to take care of that but his longer hours now that he lived in LA and everything were not required of him by any means. He knew he could have had less than half the ones he pulled in these days, could have worked right from the apartment, but the fact of the matter was he didn't have anywhere else to be or do. He didn't want to be in the apartment, alone.

He'd already planned on going in for just half the day as it were so there was that, too.

Angel went in and got what he needed done taken care of then hurried back home. Buffy was still fast asleep in his bed when he returned and he felt his heart rest a little, having been terrified it was either all just some made up nonsense in his head or she would have had the sense to take off while he was gone. Angel slipped off his shoes and jacket and climbed back into the bed next to her, pulling her to him, easily falling back to sleep.

Buffy was starting to stir and it began waking him up as well. Angel blinked a few times before his eyes could focus. "Hey," he greeted, his voice rough from just having woken up.

"Hi," she said back. "I didn't realize you'd come back," she told him before laying her head down on his chest. Her body cuddled closer to him, one her legs bending and curling on top of him.

"I was trying not to disturb you again," he told her once she'd gotten comfortable.

Buffy was quiet after that, her fingertips drawing random designs on his chest and arms. "D-do you remember when I asked you about what was the one thing you would change about us given a chance?" she finally spoke.

"I remember."

"You said you would change the fact that we ever ended... Do you still feel that way? Th-that we shouldn't be over?"

Angel swallowed. "Yes, at least from my point of view that is how I feel and want to see things."

She was silent again for several moments. "W-what if we w-weren't?"

He tilted his head a bit to look down at her, his heart skipping a beat but his mind telling him not to get any hopes up. "What do you mean? What if we weren't what?"

Buffy sighed pulling herself off of him so she could sit up beside him. "W-what if we weren't over?" she asked shyly. "What if everything that happened recently is some sort of set up for a second chance for us?"

Angel cleared his throat, following her lead and pushing himself up on one elbow. "Would... would that be something you would actually want?"

"I know that we were a disaster before, but I don't want to think of that as how we ended things either, Angel. I don't want the end of the road for us to be over such stupidity. We were so much better than that and I think we could be again. I know that we would have a lot to work through and a long road ahead of us, but I think that's a road worth taking."

Angel pulled himself the rest of the way up, sitting up against the headboard. He cleared his throat again. "A lot happened, Buffy," he said slowly.

Her face fell. "I know. And I understand... I just..."

He cut her off, "Buffy, you are still everything in this world I want," he started softly, "and there is nothing in this world I wouldn't give to be with you again and to make it work again given a chance to. But a lot happened with us and I wouldn't want to relive that again by any means. I wouldn't even know where to start, do you?"

"I-I don't know... Maybe just by being together, being around one another? Working through what happened with us before, learning better ways to deal with problems that might arise in the future. Having an almost re-introduction to one another, remembering what made us fall in love with the other in the first place?"

"And seeing where it all takes us?" he asked after a moment.

Buffy nodded.

"Do you honestly think you could let go of the past enough for us to have a future? Do you think you would be able to trust me again? Look at me and not see what happened with the fighting, with Darla, with Will? Forgive me for the wrongs we both know that I did do?"

Buffy took his hand. "We both made a lot of mistakes, Angel. I know it wouldn't be a walk in the park-not for either one of us, but I do think we could make it. I'm already there on some things. I look at you and see the man that I love, that I want to be with, that I want to make everything up to because I'm the real reason we're here now. I do trust you, Angel. Yeah, maybe that is something that needs worked on but I do."

OoOoO

Hours were spent just talking after that, only getting up to take a bathroom break or to grab a cup of water to bring back. When Buffy's stomach wouldn't stop growling Angel told her to get up though, that he was going to fix them something to eat finally. She grabbed his arm before he made one foot into the hallway. "Angel?"

Anchel reached a hand out, cupping her cheek. "I'm yours, Buffy. I always have been and I always will be. As long as you want me, I am yours," he told her.

"I do want to make this work, Angel," she whispered.

He bent down to taste her. "We'll find a way then," he promised softly. If it was the last thing he would ever do, he would make that promise true he silently swore to himself. He'd spent nearly two years doing nothing but wishing for this very opportunity, he wasn't going to piss away for anything.

"Just like that?" she asked wearily.

Angel shrugged. "Like you said, it'll be a long road with a lot to work out but if you honestly want to see if we can make this work then yeah. I'm in, just like that."

Buffy smiled, standing on her tip-toes to kiss him again. Maybe, just maybe this could really work.

OoOoO

Buffy woke up before the alarm was to go off for a second time. She hadn't exactly been looking forward to her doctor's appointment before but now she just felt uneasy. At least she was doing better and had gotten her memories back. Maybe there'd be more good news to come, or just to be given an okay would be fine by her.

Buffy couldn't help but smile as she looked over at Angel's sleeping face mere inches from her. He had one arm draped across her, holding her tightly as he slept, cuddling her as if he was afraid she'd disappear otherwise. He was warm and comfortable, it just felt right being there in his arms, like it always did. Buffy closed her eyes, wishing for the countless time that she would have handled things better on her end, that she wouldn't have had to spend the past couple of years always wishing for this to be her life again.

Despite him having been honest about his feelings and for everything he'd done to show her how he felt and simply knowing what kind of a man he is, Buffy still found herself surprised by how he was okay with the idea of a second chance happening between them. That he wasn't pushing her away after everything she had told him and with everything she had done, instead he was just... Angel.

He was upset, angry and hurt about, well, everything and he had let that be known but he was handling things better than she expected. Had William Pratt still been alive Buffy was sure it would have been a very different case at least when it came to him. But Angel was keeping a level head with her, expressing his feelings and thoughts without it becoming some huge argument or something between them.

Angel was a little stand-offish a times, but she guessed it was more to do with him just being unsure about things and how awkward things were than anything else. She felt that too herself a good amount of the time. He was both so easy to talk to and be around, he felt like home, yet with everything that'd happened there was something else there, too.

Then again, they both knew they couldn't just magically pick up where they had left off, they couldn't pretend like nothing bad had happened between them. They'd said nasty things to one another, trust had been damaged, a horrible thing had happened to her. They'd had a beautiful relationship ruined once, they'd given up on that and walked away, they'd had two years of having separate lives again. They couldn't erase any of that.

But... they both wanted a future, wanted to give this a try, wanted to work through what had happened once and make sure nothing like that would come to be again. And that made her world feel like that big piece that had been missing for so long just might come back into place.

Yesterday had been wonderful, despite any tension and awkwardness. Waking up next to him, falling asleep in his arms... eating lunch and dinner together, just sitting around talking about what projects he was working on now, filling one another in on those five months they'd gone without any contact, her plans for what she was hoping to do next. It was nice.

It also made it sink in all the more how much she had missed all of this, the simple moments, the easy comfort that came with him.

Buffy laid there until the alarm went off, Angel's eyebrows furrowing at the noise, pushing the side of his head into the pillow for a moment. When his eyes opened, he blinked a time or two before a slow smile crossed his face. Buffy remembered the first time she'd witnessed this very thing happen and could remember thinking about how she wished she could see that the rest of her life. And truth be told, she had the same thought and feeling as she looked at him now.

OoOoO

Angel took Buffy to her appointment, waiting for her the entire time despite her protests of how boring that would be and reminding him that she could always text him when it was over if there was something he needed to do. She'd actually debated asking him to come back with her but that seemed like a bit much so she just accepted him being there for her out in the waiting room.

When her appointment was through, Angel asked if she wanted to stop in and see an aunt and uncle of hers who lived just outside of town. She'd never really been close to any of her extended family but had built some bridges with her mother's sister after Joyce's death which was nice. It wasn't much, but it was something. It made her feel like she wasn't totally alone when it came to being without family. Buffy had agreed only after calling them to see if they would be alright with it.

As they pulled into the drive, Angel turned to look at her. "I didn't even think to call them," he admitted.

Buffy gave him a small smile. 'It's okay, Angel. We're not really to that stage in the relationship with medical emergencies or anything."

"Still..."

Pamela and Ted were both surprised to have heard from her, but welcomed her with open arms as they got closer to the door. She'd always had a weird feeling about Ted but figured it wasn't anything so just let it go. They were also both surprised to find her there with Angel. Buffy had never gone into much detail with either of them on what had happened between them but they were aware of there being a fallout and that they had divorced. Buffy took all of that as an opportunity to start filling them in on what had happened with what she'd been up to since her move, the car accident, the memory loss and everything after that point.

By the end of the visit, Buffy felt exhausted just having talked about everything.

Pam and Ted were going out to dinner and offered an invitation for her and Angel to join but they declined, thanking them anyway then starting to get ready to head out so they could get ready and go their own selves. Instead, they got some fast food from a drive-thru and started making their way back to Sunnydale.

"I promised Wil I would call her later to fill her in on everything... but after all of that I think I might push that back until tomorrow," Buffy said with a sigh.

"I bet she'll have quite a few questions, might be best. You've had a lot going on the past couple of days."

Buffy nodded. She'd briefed over a few things with Willow and Tara after she'd gotten her memories back. They'd stayed longer afterward just talking to her and making sure she was okay. Buffy'd promised them she'd tell them everything, that there was so much more to the story she'd need to fill them in on, but needed to talk with Angel first. She'd thought maybe after telling Angel what happened with Spike it would seem easier, but that wasn't entirely the case. She still had that sense of dread about telling someone else, talking about it, even to her best friend.

But she knew she'd push through it. Just maybe not tonight.

When they got to Sunnydale, Angel pulled into the drive and turned the car off. His jaw was slightly clenched, his eyes focused elsewhere. "You okay?" she asked after a moment.

He didn't move at first but then his head turned to look at her. He didn't say anything though.

"You want to come in?" she asked after a moment passed. "Are you still wanting to stay tonight?"

Angel swallowed. "No, probably not."

That deflated her a little. "Oh."

He was silent a few more seconds. "Do you want to go out with me?" he asked.

"L-like a date?" she asked a little confused.

He nodded. "Yeah."

A slow but bright smile took over her face. "Absolutely. I would love to."


	14. Chapter 14

Buffy found herself holding her breath as she entered the house, Angel following close behind. They had been on a handful of dates over the past couple of weeks by now and she'd found herself hoping tonight would be the one where he decided to stay-at least the night. He hadn't gone past the foyer since she'd gotten her memories back except for one time he'd helped carry a few bags into the kitchen for her.

Instead, he would drive all the way up to Sunnydale and spend anywhere between a couple of hours to most of a day before driving back to LA after dropping her off. They'd always had an amazing time together... they had gone out to eat several times, he'd taken her to some local festival one time, they'd gone to a trampoline, hung out and danced the night away over at The Bronze, but whatever they did it'd always been fun. And very Angel... he'd always liked to mix traditional dates with something out of the left field. Afterward, he'd bring her home, they'd sit out in the car and talk for awhile, and he would walk her to the door and kiss her goodnight in a way that had her body begging for more.

When he wasn't around, she missed him terribly. They would talk for hours on the phone, text, or just keep in contact in one way or another but it was never the same. She hated when he was gone, hated when he would leave to head back.

Buffy felt her heartbeat quicken when she turned around, watching as he closed the door behind him. His eyes met hers and he gave a hint of a smile before pulling her into his arms.

Buffy happily went, sighing happily as he held her close and she laid her head of his chest. Both of them were still wet from tonight's last adventure which involved swimming in a private, indoor and heated pool. She'd just dried off the best she could before throwing her shirt and jeans back over the swimsuit while he just slipped a tee shirt on and had kept a towel wrapped around him for the drive.

Tilting her head up to look at him, Buffy tried to get a read on him. "D-do you wanna take a shower?" she asked after a moment, her heart pounding against her chest.

His head tilted so slightly that she wondered if she'd only imagined it, his eyes looking at her, seeing if she meant it in the way he was thinking she did. Which, she very much did. And he seemed to understand that, tipping his head just the smallest bit.

Buffy turned, putting her things off to the side of the stairs before leading him up. Her hand held his the entire way, bringing him into the bathroom with her.

When she turned around this time, Angel's hands quickly went to her hips, pulling her to him. His lips met hers and she felt her legs wobble from the contact. He helped her out of her shirt then her jeans, his eyes taking the sight of her in for the countless time tonight. She slipped out of her shoes before grabbing for his wet tee shirt and together they pulled it off of him. As he got his own shoes off and put them off to the side, she reached into the tub and started the water, pulling the tab up once she was satisfied with the temperature so it turned into a nice water spray from the shower head.

Angel kissed her again. "I love you," he whispered, before kissing her on the forehead next.

She couldn't help but give a shy smile. "I love you, too, Angel."

His hands went to the back of her neck, undoing the knot to the swimsuit top there. Buffy swallowed as the entire item was removed, thrown over to the side with the rest of the wet clothes. She began shimming out of the bottom half, watching as his hands untied the string to the shorts he had on.

Angel was one of the very few men she had ever seen naked but she knew it was a sight she would never get tired of. Her eyes lingered on his manhood, which was already at half-mast. She was reaching out to touch him before she even knew what she was doing, feeling the pulse between her legs grow stronger. Angel moaned low in his throat but let her play, his hands holding onto the edge of the sink counter as he went from being halfway-hard to twitching and jumping in her warm palm.

He picked her up and lifted her into the tub, the spray barely touching her, and got in himself. "You're going to run out of hot water if you keep that up," he said with a gruff voice.

"I don't think I would mind that much," she replied and he chuckled. He walked her backward until she was under the water and watched her under one hell of an intense gaze as the water rained down on her, her head tipping back and eyes closing.

Buffy gasped, her eyes reopening a few moments later, feeling and now seeing his large hands on her. Buffy arched into his palms as he cupped her breasts, his thumb sliding over the perked-up peaks.

Angel closed the small space between them, turning their bodies so she was up against the side wall. His hands trailed up her chest to her neck, cupping her flesh lightly between his hands as he kissed her until they were both breathless. "You are so fucking beautiful," he whispered to her, kissing her again.

As he reached for her shampoo bottle, Buffy found her own arms moving on their own again, heading for the same place as before. Angel let out a shaky breath, pouring some of the red liquid from the bottle into his other hand. Buffy's eyes would go from watching him as he began massaging the shampoo into her hair down to where her small hands were on him. One of her hands braced against his lower abdomen, while the other slowly stroked and played with his throbbing penis.

She'd missed him... in every way, sex had certainly been one of those ways. After they split was a bit easier to deal with the slack in that department but now having had a taste of it not all that long ago, she was craving him like nothing else. She could still practically feel him inside of her or touching her.

Angel helped rinse her hair out and worked on his own while she began to put her body wash on. He watched her the entire time, his eyes somehow managing to get darker by the second it seemed. He took no issue in helping her wash off again either, taking the big white poof from her and rubbing it against her skin. It wasn't long before it was just his hands caressing her.

Buffy sucked in a hard breath as he went from standing before her to his head disappearing below. His eyes stayed trained on her as he lowered himself down, as he lifted one of her legs up over his shoulder, and as his mouth found its way to her sex. Buffy felt a shudder run through her entire body at the first touch of his tongue, her hands flying out to grab handfuls of his hair.

"Fuck, I love you," she groaned, her head falling back against the wall.

OoOoO

Angel shut the water off when it turned cold. He picked her up and easily carried her off to the bedroom. "Buf?"

"Hmm?"

"You sure about this?" he asked. "Because we don't have to anyth..."

She cut him off, her lips seeking his. "Angel, trust me, I am very sure that I want this. I am beyond sure that I want you."

He kissed her then. "You know this is going to be a lot more than sex," he said softly. "It's going to change things... and I don't think I'd be able to walk away afterward."

Buffy smiled slowly. "Do you think you could anyway?" she asked him.

"I don't know, but I would try. If that's what you truly wanted. But if we do this..."

"I don't want you walking away, now or later, Angel. That is what I truly want."

She knew that the rape was also hanging in the air, this being the first time they would be doing this with those memories intact but she was thankful he didn't bring it up, instead muttering that he needed to go run out to the car. He soon explained about having only brought his phone and the keys in with him so he was going to grab some condoms. She felt more than a little tempted to tell him to just forget wearing one all together but instead told him there were still some in the kitchen he'd left before.

"Please," Buffy answered the quiet question in his eyes, asking her one last time if she was sure about doing this. She could feel him at the opening of her entrance and thought she was going to explode if he didn't start making love to her soon.

Thankfully, she never had to find out if she actually would or not as just seconds later she felt her body stretching around him.

Angel moved painfully slow at first, making sure she felt every last inch of him as he moved in and out of her. "I love you," he would tell her, or "I miss you" or other words of love would fall from his lips as he pushed back deeper into her.

"Angel," she finally groaned, his name drawled out. He was not taking up on any of her hints to move harder or faster.

"Yes, love?" he asked, a smirk on his lips.

"You know what."

"Mmm," he said. He flipped them so she was now on top. "Why don't you show me," he said.

Buffy shot him a look, but soon she was moving her body against his. His hands toyed with her breasts as she bounced up and down his long cock, pinching and twisting her nipples with his fingers, squeezing the soft flesh in his palms.

"So close," she said, squeezing her legs around him. "I n-need you to..."

This time, he wasn't wasting time teasing. Angel flipped them once more. "Buf?" he asked, a bit of a concerned look on his face.

Buffy lifted her head to his, kissing him hungrily. This only increased when he held her hands down with one of his above her head. She still craved him holding her down and being the one to finish them off. She knew where the concern came from but it was different with him. They'd tried to incorporate handcuffs in their play long before but found she at least couldn't be in them as it made her feel too panicked. But there was something about him doing it that set her on fire. Angel's other hand slipped between their bodies, pinching and rubbing at the small bundle of nerves to her sex while he thrusted with purpose until they both fell off the edge.

Buffy's body nearly threw the both of their bodies off the bed as she came like a clap of thunder.

"Jesus fucking hell," she said loudly, her body still shaking well after the fact.

Angel grunted. "Second that. Fuck," he groaned.

Buffy smiled at him, swinging her hips around.

"Mmm, already trying for round two are we?" he asked.

Buffy laughed. "Oh, I think I need to have time to recover after this, but doesn't mean you don't feel damn good in there right now."

OoOoO

Once he had feeling back in his legs, Angel reluctantly pulled himself to his feet and went to the bathroom to clean up. He picked their pile of wet clothes up off the bathroom floor and carried it down to the washer and started it. When he got back upstairs, he found Buffy laid out in the bed underneath the blankets. "I do love you, Buffy Summers," he said softly, just staring at her.

"O'Connor," she corrected him again.

He didn't say it to her, but he didn't feel right using his surname without them being married anymore. Instead, he just gave her a bit of a smile before coming to join her in the large bed.

Buffy pillowed herself on top of him. "I love you, too, Angel. I always have."

OoOoO

Not having to go to work, Angel spent the night and following day and night with her. He was sure he'd been happy to have stayed in bed with her the entire time but that wasn't entirely the case of what did happen. She'd given him quite the wake up call to start the morning off, slipped underneath the sheets and using her perfect little mouth on him before he couldn't take any more, pulling her on top of him. After that they had gone downstairs to make breakfast together, watching the news as they ate before Buffy got a phone call from Cordelia which she went into the other room to take. He'd cleaned up and went to go grab a few things out of his car-including some clothes since he'd been walking around naked or just in a towel as his clothes were still being cleaned and dried.

Buffy had pouted at his covered body but grew excited when he told her to go get dressed so they could go do something with the day ahead of them. He didn't want to burn the out on extravagant dates or anything like that, but he still liked to go out and do things with her. Given how much time had been stolen from them on top of that, he felt almost like he was trying to make some of it up at times. Though, he knew they never really could.

For a few hours, the two of them just drove around, enjoying the cool breeze flow in from the windows, singing along to the radio. They stopped off a few shops to look around, grabbed some nachos and cookies from a stand along a boardwalk. When the weather looked like it wanted to take a turn, he suggested the head back to her house and figure out some way or another to occupy the rest of the day there.

OoOoO

Even with everything that had happened, things just felt easy with Angel. Natural. From just talking about almost any subject with one another, making love, to just being in one another's company... laying in front of him on the sofa while watching some cheesy romantic movie, falling asleep in his arms, just looking at him and being able to know what he was thinking.

It was a very welcomed change from his stone-cold nothingness she'd grown used to to boot.

And when morning came yet again, she found herself awake before the alarm was to go off again. She sat up, turning over to look at his sleeping face. Her heart felt heavy as she stared on, wishing yet again that they'd have handled things so differently before, but silently swearing that they could make this work. She had no idea how she would even begin to handle losing him again if it came to that, and sure as hell had no intention on finding out.

She cursed herself when his eyes opened up, his hand coming up to brush away some stray tears that had fallen down her face. "Come on, now," he whispered. "Don't do that."

Buffy shook her head, feeling ridiculous. "Sorry," she blubbered, trying to will herself to get a grip. "I just hate knowing you're leaving and that I won't see you for a few days all over again," she told him.

Angel gently brought her face to his, taking her lips softly. "I know, baby. I'm not much a fan of it either. But you sure as hell aren't making it any easier to pull myself out of this bed."

Buffy chuckled just a little, rubbing her cheek against his. Buffy knew she really didn't mind the leaving part as much, it was the fact he would be gone for so long that got to her. Which made her want to blurt something out that she know she shouldn't, but just barely managed to keep it to herself.

Angel did his best to make sure everything was alright before finally taking the steps out the front door. But it didn't make her miss him any less.

OoOoO

Angel felt like an ass as he drove back home. He knew that Buffy had no problem with him having to go into work, especially with his newest schedule which was opening a lot more time up, but hated that they still had so much time apart. It wasn't leaving for LA in the morning and driving back to Sunnydale as soon as he was done every time. If she wanted him to, Angel knew he'd do it in a heartbeat but he let her lead on that. He didn't want to be pushy about it. Or overstep any lines or anything like that. They were still in the early stages of fixing the damage they'd created over the past two years and he was treading carefully for the most part.

So, he was rather shell-shocked when Buffy called him while he was getting dressed to head to the office and asked him to "come home." It was how she said it that had him stopping mid-air, furrowing his eyebrows as he concentrated on the small phone in his hand. "I know this is probably rushing things, but I hate it when you're not here, Angel. I have been trying to just deal with it and to let things just fall into place like they should and on their own and everything but... but truthfully, I want you here." Buffy took a deep breath in over the other end of the line. "I want you to move back home, Angel."

Angel swallowed, feeling a strange sensations run through his entire body. The world almost felt like it was spinning. "What?" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Another deep breath from her. "I know we still have things to figure out, to work through... but... wouldn't it be easier to do that if you were here? And not only get through the past but already be working on the future for us in the process, too."

"I... uh..." he sat down on the edge of his bed, looking around the room, unsure of what the hell was happening. "You want me to move back to Sunnydale, back in with you?" he asked her after a moment had passed.

"Yes," she answered. "This was our home, Angel. I want it to be again. And with us already having lost so much time over just stupid worthless... I don't want to rush things, but I don't want to miss out on anything either, waste time having what I know I want. I'd like to find a balance for all of that."

He was quiet for a long time and could hear her nervousness bleeding through.

"You think it's a bad idea," she said as he went to open his mouth. "Which, right, it probably is... I mean... I just..."

"Give me a few days," he cut her off. "I'll get things straightened out up here and if you still want me there... I'll come back home."

It didn't fully sink in until after the phone conversation had ended. Angel finished getting dressed, walked out into the living room of his condo and looked around. He'd wished forever and a day for her to tell him it was okay to move back, but had long since given up on such of a hope to actually become reality. It'd only been in very recent times he thought there was even the slightest chance he would get that with her again, even with how well things were going between them. But now here it was, and already she was throwing it out there... and it made his world spin.

The idea of calling their home "their home" again made his heart swell. The idea of going to bed next to her every night, waking up beside her every morning made his face light up like a damn Christmas tree. He didn't know if it was the right play any more than her, but he wasn't going to turn down the opportunity. If nothing else, he would work twice as hard to make sure things didn't fuck up. And he would do everything in his power to make this the right decision in the end.

Already in his head, Angel started to get excited about seeing his things back in that house mixed with hers.


End file.
